I'm just a normal girl
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
Be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow, yeah
Just to prove that I knew how, yeah
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Sat front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all

I will forgive but I wont forget.

I wish it is just a nightmare.

You may remain as a nightmare. Do not turn into a reality.

I have yet to feel that brilliant afterglow.

* smacks on my forehead *

If I told you I was perfect, I would be lying.
If there is something I am not doing, I am trying.
I am not an angel.

Solving it?

Thats a point there. Have i tried solving it? No, thats why its a repeating cycle.

Your mind may refuse to believe.

Love, Gideon.

Esok aku nak menyanyi dengan sepuas hatinya sebab nak release tension punya pasai. ^_^

Yes, i know, i have a bf, so understood aku tidak boleh mengflirt, tapi selama ni pon mmg aku x pernah flirt, aku hanya berkwan sahaja. So kpd people di luar sana yg single and bermingle, whatever u guys. Enjoy saja la. Layan saja la. Do whatever u want.

This deafening silence means nothing to no one but me.

I dont know what I want, and worse is what I need right now. Everything is like so wrong but it is not wrong. Haha. I feel like shit, i want but i dont want bcuz it makes me feel so not fit. Idk whether i am fit or not. I feel so scared. I feel so idk. Haha. Oh my god.

Perfect much.

Your ass, let me tell you.

I wish I am someone else right now.

Just for a week would do. Haha. I just wonder how it feels like to be in someone elses shoes.

I would like to kill you if I could.

Teddy, teddy, wont u please keep me warm and comfy?

I dont ask for that that often.

Maybe thats y people say, u cannot and will never have everything in this world.

Can i let everything out to u? Will u listen to me? Will u listen to me as a friend and not as an annoying rant coming out from an immature girl?

My, what am i saying. I give up for now. I just wish it ends soon.

I feel very irritated and agitated.

Take me out.

Bring me somewhere. Somewhere new.

1. I wish I were adenine so I could be paired with U.
2. It’s a shame I know all the digits of pi, but I don’t know your number.
3. I wish I was a derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
4. Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?
5. My hypothalamus must be secreting…

like whattt ? haha

zzzzzz. i wana go out. enough said.

Dont they look cute. N i cant get over the " lek ahh i pon xmandi lagi " and the " dont u hug mee"

Gosh, i miss u guys.

Western food is good.

I wish i can eat all the hotdogs, chips, coleslaw, wedges and all the mashed potatoes i want.

I want charles and keith.

and i want more of ipanema !!!

Stray animals.

yeah, have u ever wondered if u ever were to be stray dogs or cats ?

even with the biggest heart, we cant possibly adopt every stray animal n care for them.

nak keluarrrrrrrrr ! xboleh ka aku p driving ? hahahha. aku bosan.

Do i get bored eating at home ?

errrrrrm..... errrrrrrrmmmmmmm.....

I know there’s something out there
I think I hear it move
I’ve never felt like this before
I wish you never told me
I wish I never knew
I wake up screaming
It’s all because of you

I wish i failed.

I wish i didnt ask

I wish u didnt tell me.

Well, u shouldnt coz fuck it sucks like hell and it does hurt.

Is that considered normal aniways?

I feel like slapping myself with yellow mustard and eat myself.

if u dont mind wasting 5 minutes of ur precious time reading my pathetic and very depressing thoughts tho i really dont know why i feel like dying and should feel this way ( i should be smiling like =D till my cheeks tear apart and cant stop screaming but what the heck ) rite now, and just this is totally random.

* what is ur problem with me ? am i bothering u ? am i disturbing ur happy space ? do i even talk to u ? yes, i have been shutting up, and i will continue bcuz u look so pathetic so fucking stupid and everything. u are not worth my time.

* why cant u just understand, why cant u just see, things that are important to me and things that are not. sometimes i think u are happy and proud of me for the wrong reasons. the things i want u to be happy with, u just tear me down with it.

* why cant u let me be happy even just for a day. happy for what i have done. happy for what ive achieved, yes i havent climbed mount everest to be exact, never will reach the summit i suppose, i am not asking u to get me a car, or get me iphone 5 or buy me expensive handbags, i am not looking for those. and yeah even if i want, i dont ask it from u. just a pat on my head or on my shoulder and just smile would bring me a long way. just that, i dont even want to hear u say good job or good or thank u. i mean even abang jack could say thumbs up and good luck n thumbs up again to me. i just want u to appreciate, appreciate what im doing, especially when i do sth sincerely, i want u to see how i see things. why cant u see that. why cant u be like others. am i asking too much ? i just want u to be normal.

* sometimes i think, what have i done that has made u proud ? i cant think of any. yeah i managed to run and i came back home with a shattered heart. now what ? what else ? do u want me to just coop up in my life, in my room, not doing anything. i dont want that. that is not me. do u know that ? i want to do things that i can remember. not plain stupid cycle till i die.

* sometimes i think, i wonder, whats the point of me being friendly, i cant even use it for my own self, so whats the point of me being friendly ?

* why cant u talk to me nicely. i am not a kid anymore. i can understand. i can understand simple grammar and simple english.

* why cant u be as professional as he is ? why cant u explain things nicely ?

* why cant u understand how i work, how i learn things, how i see things. why. the person who i need the most to und me is u. but ur not even close to that. why. why others can, why cant u. why other ppl can und other ppl, why. what did i do ? did i screw things up ? i know i did.

* i already have personal issues with u, when it happens, it just makes things worse. it keeps coming again and again.

* and i cant seem to snap out of it. i cannot. and i dont know why.

* i have a heart. tho i dont normally cry and bleed and show, but bare in mind, i have a heart. just like everyone else. whether u like it or not.

* i am tired, i feel upset, i feel sick. i dont feel hungry, even, i dont feel like eating.

* how depressing can i sound ?

* haha *


im done.

pls, dont talk about this.

I feel miserable. I dont want to go anywhere right now.

Xpalah, lantak lah. I will drive n go for lessons for as long as u want. As long as i myself feel comfortable and confident, that is all im concerned about. Even if it takes three lessons more, its not my money. Sampai bulan oct pon oct la. Who am i to say. Aku akan p smpai abang tu jemu tgk muka aku. Haha. Xpala, at least aku dpt kluar wlaupon ke jv ja but at least i just get to go out n meet n talk to ppl. Up till now, i really enjoy all of my jv moments.^_^ so yea whatever.

Give me some piece of good material to read, please.

Am i a bad person? Am i no can i be considered as a demon? What did i do? What did i do till yeahh. Whatever.

Macam mana la aku tak dak anger problem.

Siput pig betul.

Aku dah pening pala, xpayah dok nak tambah lagi.

Tell me ur sick to ur bones.

Ada sebab aku penyegan nak dok kat dapoq dan masak.
Ada sebab aku penyegan dok dekat bawah.
Bek aku dok dalam bilik, tenang hati aku.

Seb bek aku dah xkenai dah. Worth not knowing u, anyways.

dear mr bf.

i miss playing dettol with u. i miss just sitting around and chatting with u. i miss u.

haha !

Sometimes i wish you good, sometimes i dont at all.

* smacks on my forehead *

* bangs head on the wall *

* slits throat with a knife *

My mom just showed me huge boobss. Hahahah!

Death is dwelling in the past or staying at a place for a long time

fOOd

Yeaaaap~

Plastic surgery. Fake and plastic much ?

Ok thanks to anis for it. it wasnt GORE AT ALL, ARE U KIDDING ME ? THAT IS GORE TO U ?anis, that is nothinggg. anis, its very informative. thanks. ^_^

Dude, ur putting a fucking L shape plastic in ur damn nose ? more so a hot air balloon in ur boobs that could expand and explode in high altitudes? dude, get a life.

ok firstly, by all means. i dont discriminate ppl doing plastic surgery, i mean im fine with michael jackson haha tho its creeepyyy but yeah, peoples life, peoples choice, u do it, handle the consequences on ur own.

but i really dont agree with plastic surgery. ok, i know, i am always complaining and whining ( and i know its very annoying that u wished u could slap my face ) about how short i am, how tall ppl are, how beautiful ppl are, how shabby-ish what ? haha i am and how i do not know how to dress up, of how skinny and hot girls are, of how perfect their long hot legs are, of how my nose is squashed, and of how my bunny teeth are so bunny-ish well ok thats so my fault. seriously my bunnies are huge and its jutting out and i look like a rabbit but with two fangs at the sides. i love the fangs act. haha. no la, i can live with it, i mean i can still eat, tu yg penting haha and i am and it can be fixed, only if i wear that mouth guard wth thingy. and yeahh, my hair, i know, it doesnt matter now, just having curly, well not even curly but unruly hair is hard to handle. and to have forever perfect straight hair like other natural straight hair is to like alter ur dna to have that. that aint going to happen.

yeah, plastic surgery= artificial, hence ur not natural anymore. for me, doing botox, surgery n all those its like ur afraid of whats going to happen to u, ur afraid of growing old. and u just cant accept urself at all. why would u waste lots of money just to look perfect. and let me tell u, nothing in this world is perfect, u are no god, even robots can be faulty and they are not perfect. might as well spend it on clothes and money or u know spca !

ok, yes, its normal we hear that ladies up to a certain age would do all sorts of things to themselves. reason - takot laki lari. in a way thats correct, kita warga pompuan ni la kena jaga kan while the guys can just shake legs. well let me tell u, well at any age when ur laki cari laen, its either one, there is sth wrong with u or both of u and u have to fix it iffff u want the relationship or two dude, fuck that dude, if he cannot accept u for the way u are more so forces u to change just for him, n chooses a hot dumb blonde over you and does not appreciate u at all, he is worth to let go. thats not the man u want in ur life. u are better of to be single and live ur life being independent.

another sebab ur afraid of growing old and deteriorate haha. ok i have to admit, i am scared of growing old and all those, but its a normal thing. its a normal cycle. every living thing would go thru that cycle and just dieee. and yeah, it wouldnt be scary if u have the right companion with u, everything would be ok ^_^ and i hope it will happen to me. the thing issss, ur fighting against nature, u dont do thattt.

doing plastic surgery is like when ur really deformed or u cannot function properly u know. i mean for some ppl, having uneven teeth is damn sweet on em, or having cleft chin or even having messy hair would sweep u off ur feet. ok my point here is, everyone is beautiful. its u just got to know where are ur plus points. and dont ever compare to others, we are different in every way so we cannot be the same and compare and thus making us special in our own unique way. never ever change just to please ppl. coz trust me honey, they dont give a damn and it will not please u, that is for sure. and dont care much about what people say, as long as ur on the right path, ur doing ok, then thats it, just go on with ur life. ok if la ur appearance is zero, come on, u have ur huge heart that is ready to explode, and thats the most importante thing actually.

and it is important to be natural. make up. my god, ok tesco counter girl, bedak mcm tepung, mascara like some black marker around her eyes, water colour as her blusher and eye shadow. i mean ur not going for a grand wedding or sth, ur just working, a light powder and light puff around ur cheeks and a lil lip gloss can do the trick. u dont have to try so hard to be hot and get guys staring at u. i mean its better if guys staring at u coz u really look nice rather than staring at u coz of ur heavy make up.

and how can one be so stupid. yes, i know, nnti bila kahwen syurga di bawah tapak kaki suami, but come on, its ur parents. xkan la xcontact, xp tgk suma. mcm damn btuiii.

How I met your mother.

Rinduuuuuuuuu!!!!

Vomits

I am so damn sleepy but i find it hard to sleep. I am screwed!

can i reach out for my phone and type sth and touch the button sendd ? damn

Darn it! Hmph. >_<

Macam mana lah aku tak tau orang tu? Macam mana aku tak tau semua ini berlaku? Macam mana aku tak tau perkembangan keadaan semasa? Benda ini sangat penting. Haha!

Inilah akibat bila bf kamu tu awesome sangat dan kamu tak ambil kisah dah tentang hal2 semasa sebab bf kamu dah cukup dah. Haha

In a way im glad, aku tak kisah sangat dah tentang things around me.

Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week

Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet.

I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Symbol.

Even for a man like him, his janggut symbolises something, that i never knew of. And i never thought it would actually mean something. Even for a man like him, it has a deep meaning. Yeah, in life i believe we all have certain weird things that we keep or trust or anything just to make it as a symbol of something or a mark or a scar that will remind you for the rest of your life. And it is important, maybe it has given you a huge impact in your life. I do have it, and that is something that i will always have n reminds me of how things changed n everything else.

Ok fine.

Korean girls are hot. Hahahha!

* tapi i will never ever everrr fall for gula. Haha. Xtau psepa ada issue sgt ngn depa. *

Dont be panicky.

Its really not awesome when somebody else is better than u, more capable than u, more awesome than u.

Kenapa tiap2 malam aku rasa benda yang sama? Adakah aku psycho?

Have faith in me.
Cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem.

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

Play me a song for a sing along.

Love, Gideon.

Try not to miss me when I am gone.

And dont you do that.

I only wanted to be somebody.

Its like not drinking waterrrrr!

Options.

What are options ?

drama apa pulak dah aku dok dengaq nihhhh. pa benda nihhhhh.

weyhhhhh ! aku rindu kat ang. sigh.

hmmmm. banyak benda yang pernah dilalui tapi tak pernah nak fikirkan.

N ada sbab knpa x kenal.

hihihi ! haha

blueberry cheese cakkeeeee ! desperado mucho !

Boy I think about it every night, and day
I'm addicted, want to jump inside your love
I wouldn't want to have it any other way
I'm addicted, and I just can't get enough

oh damnn, supplier lagu, di manakah andaaa ? aku dah cukup bosan dgq lagu tv on the radio. give me new songsss !

* mcm mana aku nak bertenang bila bawak kereta and not squeal like a damn pigg ? tipsss peopleee~ *

yeah, aku boleh bawak keta, aku panic ja. abes la camnii. practice, need mogheeee practiceee. mslahnya aku xpernah practice, sgt damnn.

and school, il see ya on wednesday ! nyiahahha !

Bloody.

I give up.

Kpop ~ stay away.

Gula ~ you should be blown with atomic bomb!

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.

I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.

I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

And i am still addicted.

dh nk msuk 9 bulan dh..klo ada baby pon dh bole lahir dh..

^_^ and it makes me smile. Yea, nak 9 bulan and xpenah bosan. God willing, ini akan berkekalan.

Spitting image

Sounding rather desperate.

is that ok or not ?

must have

Damnnnn. hidup sangatlah damn bila kamu balek rumah selepas driving and tak tau nak buat apa and dok hangattt gila.

Bosan bosan bosan

Nak drive n nak lepaskan rindu. Malas nak study. Damnn.

Nak melancong~

KTXBYE!

Dont worry, you are not the only one who has to deal with crappish feelings.

Over your skin like time.

Giving up every other night? What the fuck?

Auuuzzziiiieeee2~~

Dear Auzzzieee2.... can i go to u now ?

People are so judgemental.

true ? false ?

ok2, selalu dengar org ckp, no la, ni mr bf ckp, n smpai skrang saya igt, mulut org, setiap org ada mulut hence stiap org ada pandangan n pendapat diorang masing2. n kita xdak kuasa n hak utk halang diorang utk ekspress diri diorang.

yes, correct, i have to agree, we are free to express ourselves, in whatever means, just oh damn express ur goddamn self. so its not wrong, i do it too, dengan sepenuh hatinya especially bila nampak org yang xmau nampak. haha

what im trying to say is, if yea, people judge ppl, i do too, i always judge ppl, first impression suma tu. its just, dont u think its scary ?

just if ur the type who doesnt fit in society, who can hardly get along with other normal humans, who is always the odd one out, the weird one, hardly people consider it special, would u imagine the feedbacks that u get behind ur back ?

yeahhh, try that. haha.

* and tell me u still love ur life and urself ? *

omg. thats all i can say.

damn fuck, this is so fucked up.

its industry standard ? damnnnn.

Get this.

Being a Girl Sucks Sometimes!!!!!

-Periods -Period cramps -Sore tits -Mood swings -Picking out outfits for the day -Styling hair after showering -Having a hard time running cause of your tits -Making sure you don’t get pregnant -Carrying the baby -Being called a bitch, whore, hoe for no apparent reason -Make sure you don’t get raped -Having pedophiles hit on you -Shaving all the time. -Having to deal with douchebag guys.

fosh. suckfest.

Being a Guy ain’t no picnic either you know.

We gotta deal with girls who justify every advantage they have with “hey you don’t get a period or were the ones that have to give birth.” We have to wait as they pick out outfits and style their hair almost always to look good for people other than ourselves. Making sure they don’t get pregnant. Taking care of her if she gets pregnant. Avoid calling them, bitches, whores, and hoes even for the most apparent reasons. Making sure not to rape them. Risk getting marked as a pedophile just because the girl you like is younger than you. Lastly having to act like a douchebag to get the girls because even if they deny it, thats who they end up dating.

o m g. o m g. aku mcm nak gila. abg oh abg, saya nk drive bole x ?

Lagu2 pierce the veil amat meaningful and deep tapi perlu fikir untuk memahaminya.

As we wake up in your room
Your face is the first thing i see
The first time i've seen love
And the last i'll ever need
You remind her
That your future
Will be nothing without her
Never lose her
I'm afraid
Better think of something good to say
But it's all been done
More than once
But i'll keep on trying
Oh god, don't let me be the only one who says
No, at the top of our lungs
There's no, no such thing as too young
Second chances won't leave you alone
Then there's faith in love
She was always the one
I'll repeat it again
The one
No such thing as too young
Red lights flash in a car we're kissing
Call me crazy, i've always tried to remind her
That the future
Just a few heartbeats away
From disaster
I'm afraid
That i've thrown it all away
No, at the top of our lungs
There's no, no such thing as too young
Second chances won't leave you alone
Won't leave you alone
No, at the top of our lungs
There's no, no such thing as too young
Second chances won't leave you alone
Well repeat it again theres no
No such thing as too young
Second chances won't leave you alone
Cause there's faith in love
If you kiss me goodnight
I'll know everything is alright
Second chances won't leave us alone
Won't leave us alone
Cause there's faith in love

Were you honest when you said,
"I could never leave your bed",
Wake me up and let me know you're alive
And will you fall in love again?
Is the scent slowly spreading?
I've been answering machines all night

And are the doctors dancing in
While the ambulances sing?
Another boy without a sharper knife...

The moment that's where I
Kill the conversation, wrap this up
With a knife that loves to feel
How do you know how deep to go before it's real?

(Take me home)
Can I even complicate your breathing?
I guess I'm just your average boy
This is me with a knife in the back
And a grip on the grass
It's cold and I don't want to be here
I guess I'm never comfortable or situational

Are we losing or beginning
To try a new life without you?

The moment that's where I
Kill the conversation, wrap this up
With a lie that I'm enjoying every minute with myself
And she could make hell feel just like home
So I'm never leaving her alone
But if your lightning lips aren't mine
Then I don't know the awkward stranger to my right
(But she's crying)

I only need one hand to drive
When you're with me
You are my getaway
Oh, no!

And don't you ever feel alone? And don't you wish you were home?
Cut the lust tonight; all right, all right
Tell me why my little Mona Lisa told a lie, lie, lie, lie
Do you want me? Do you want to let me know that you're okay?
A diamond gold ring customized to cut your circulation
But I couldn't let you go; no, I'd never let you go my dear
So keep talking 'cause I love to hear your voice
(Love to hear your voice, love to hear your...)
Voice again

sangat damn ! ! !

damnnnnn ~

Those blues they hit you like a cannonball

You
Gave no reason for letting go
I just thought you might like to know
You're the only one I ever loved

True
We've demolished a thing or two
But it seemed like the thing to do
And you're the only one I ever loved

Comes to know
Though the feelings were half where we lied
Comes to be wrong
In our dreams we were making it right

Why?

Just imagine, apa gunanya if u cpl dari standard 6, high school smpai ke n u kahwen n it only lasted less than a year. No, dont blame the years of coupling, yes, anything can happen, its just how could all the years that has been spent gone with just by saying "i divorce u". The tears, the time, the effort, the love, the memories, everything.


Assurance. Can i assure you? Can i really be sure? Tho i know the only thing that u need the most and that will keep u going and fighting thruout ur whole life is the assurance that im going to give u. Thats the only thing that u have been wanting all this while. The only thing.

Honesty. Can i be completely honest and say things based on reality? Can i be completely honest and not hurt u if at all? How transparent can one be? Esp in a person like me.

* shrugs *

Tv on the radio

Is actually agak cacat but aku suka gila. Haha

Even when i say all those things.

Those words of wisdom if we may consider it that way, or the u have to face reality and be strong and all those shits that i always say to others.

I must admit, i myself am not good at it at all. I find it hard to accept things and to face reality. And many more. Truth be told. And im no angel.

So who am i to say all those? Do i have the rights to say all those things?

I really dont practise what i preach at all.

Chemistry! Kamu memeningkan saya n ur a pain in the arseeee!

But i am determined to finish two sets of spm questions by tonight. ^_^ god willing.

I would rather be in a REAL roller coaster

>_< haih.

Do i have the baby face ?

no, i only have the baby figure. haha

Aku bosan.

yea, sebenarnya aku mmg pantang perkataan bosan tu, bek guna bored but seriously skang ni aku bored sangat smpai terpaksa guna perkataan bosan. aku bosan sangat2.

inilah akibat pagi2 p driving, kerja nak drive saja laa. n walaupon bosan nak mati aku still xstudy. dari yest tengah hari, balek skola tidoooo smpai ke petang. malam tidoooo lagi. tadi tidoooo lagiii. mg.

aku bosannn.

aku bosan dgaq benda yang samaaa. ok if u cakap i love u 1000 kali its ok but sesetegah benda especially time2 canni omg bosannn. aku xle tahan. haha.

i feel bad but seriously arghhhh !

* akibat terlalu bosan, emosi menjadi gila *

Jeopardising???

Lets hope not. Haha. Like, seriously, i hope not.

saat2 paling bahagia dengan mr tonggg ! ok i think nama dia tong kot tapi xpala MR THONG lgi bes. hahah. niwaysss ! dia bes. i mean he is like relax, xpa2, slow2, he is niceee ! haha. i hope i dont cry in the car. everrr.

this is the first time i drive with him beside me n i drove back homeeee !

ok so tgh syok study chem kan hahah sudenly he was like kamu, mai saya hantar kamu balek.yea selepas like sejam mengstudy chem. le approaching zi kancil, he said, xpala, kamu drive balek. n obviously, me with my stupid gigle n made that omg ur fucking kidding me coz i thot id be on the road only for the next lesson face. n he was like xpa2, relax2.

so im aliveeeeeee ! im back home in one piece. thank god. n i drove like 40 n its like gear 4 n its like not lajuuu. ok sebab slalu bawak dlm jv kan tempat kecik, xsmpai 20 pon rasa nk terbabas. haha. so that was the fastest i pnah bwak. for now. n i naek bukit tadi. n it was funnnn ! eventho my first attempt i dok terjerit2 n the abg dok gelak mcm gila. not funny okay !

ok so i guess now i know why i loveee going to jv so much n wudnt mind waiting under the heat n just nganga. its bcuz yea satu im alone there so ada rasa ssdikit mcm independent muchhh ? haha xdak la mcm tu but i rasa mcm yeah i can do this on my own. no problemo kinda thing. n y syok sgt sbb yeah i can do it. at least i can do sth in my life which is driving. i mean the only thing i know is eat shit sleep study n thats all. i can barely keep my boyfriend alive n unhurt ( for a day ? ) , so being able to drive and learning it makes me feel veryy good. i mean i cant run, i can swim n cycle n thats it. what a life, right ?

so yes, when i get my p, even now, i feel like im achieving something. on the wayy. i know its no big to others mcm ala, p ja pon, bawak keta ja pon, anybody can do that, by right thats very true, yeahhh that is too ppl who has been achieving a lot of things that can be remembered for the rest of their lives, mine? i can barely count it. even remember it if i do have one. how sad.

so im glad. ^_^

I would if i could !

yes fan urself !

So we fought like tomorrow was promised

What a waste, where did the time go?
Where did our minds go? I don't know.
What's this place? Where did our home go?
We won't know, I don't know.

I am counting UFOs

Rather than SHEEPs.

I memorized all the words for you
But if you only knew
How much that's just not like me
I wait up late every night
Just to hear your voice
But you don't know that's nothing like me

You know I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time i've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I want to make sure everything is perfect for you
If you only knew
That's not like me to follow through
Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams
Just to be with you
But you don't know that's nothing like me

Hey yeah I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time i've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

Now I'm waking up
I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime
I never thought I'd survive it
Now I'm taking back
All I gave up for that
Leave my pain behind
Wash these stains from my life

Just when I thought all was lost
You came and made it all okay

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I memorized all the words for you
If you only knew
How much that's just not like me

I dont have reality that well, right ?

Bodo la. Cukup xsuka.

Yes, taking a break from school tomorrow is a head start of smelling fresh air. I really need a break. I need to get a grip of myself. Note, myself !

Fuck, i hate this.

It freaks me out. Yes, I am so scared, again.

I am so glad that the first thing in the morning for tomorrow is driving. i hope its not with mr thongggg. againnnn. haha. i just need to be left alone, have my own time alone, be with myself alone and just keep in touch with myself. fuck, lama2 aku boleh gila i tell you if i keep feeling this way. this cannot work. i dont know what i want. fake much ? fuck much ?

its just why skrang ni the only thing im so fuckingly into and im just like drivinggg3 sebab when i go there, i am yea alone i mean nobody knows me, so what the fuck, nobody knows me and nobody is going to care. i can drive, i can just crap and yell and scream which yea thats what ive been doing all this while and i feel good. i just need that ' omg im at a new place n i feel good ' thingy i guess. entah la.

I seriously just dont know what is wrong with me. I just dont know. I think I know but I dont know. haha. I dont think I want to know. its fuck !

I think its just too much.

How do you do it?
You make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew,
You do

Meet me in outer space
I will hold you close
If you're afraid of heights
I need you to see this place
It might be the only way
That I can show you how
It feels to be inside of you

Meet me in outer space
We could spend the night
Watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place
Won't you come with me?
We could start again

Better than watching Geller bending silver spoons.
Better than witnessing new born nebulas in bloom.

* nonsense
* kawal jiwa, perasaan dan kuatkan semangat.
* mati sebelum mati
* anything can happen.
* sorry, but its not 100%. never will be, i suppose.
* dumbfounded.

And the cycle remains unchanged.

I keep giving up every other night.
Try to fall asleep to shut my mind out of things.
Getting up in the morning, trying to pull myself together.
Hoping that there is something different in store for me.
As I go through my day,
I slowly climb up again,
As I try not to give up,
Again,
And again,
And again.

you dont like a person just because they like you too. to be in a "relationship" doesnt mean two people just liking each other. to be in a relationship needs both of them to give out full commitment, and for that u need responsiblity and for That u need maturity. u dont love a person for their looks or money, you love a person because you sing a song only they can understand.

I cant agree more.

Reality of life. Live with it.

1. Ur english suxxx!

2. Ur usage of words are all over the place.

3. Even a person who hardly talks english has better grammar than u.


Dude, learn some grammar n earn some respect. Have some
sense.

Cizzzzzz cakeeeeeeeeee!

Heart~ i want morreeee~ haha

Stop being a cuckoo.

Instead, be an idiot. ^_^

Reasons you cry while you have period.

1. Being forced to sleep by ur mum. Cry urself to sleep on ur bed.

2. Lost pinball game with your brother. Cry pathetically while pointing at the game and say u winnn! I losttt!

3. When ur bf has sth important to do and that he has to go and leave u. Cry silently in ur room like an asshole.

4. When an unknown friend plans to leave school for sbp. Cry in the toilet at school, cry in the car while getting home, cry in ur room again at home.


Yeaaaaappppp~ true story.

* hahahah rofl hahha!!! gila bangang punya. Period, u are stupid! It makes u cry n feel all sorts of things at the wrong timee and at the same time *

Teensss~

Be proactive, not reactive. After all, I am 17 years old now. I should be more matured and think before I act. Make sure I bounce back rather than falling into the deep shit.

Enchanted.

^_^

Adakah saya ni terlalu baek sehingga tidak menghiraukan perasaan saya dan tidak
mempunyai pendirian langsung. Atau adakah saya ini terlalu bodoh untuk tidak menyuarakan pendapat saya. Setahu saya, saya tidak pernah berbuat atau berkata demikian kepada sesiapa pun sepanjang hidup saya yang masih pendek ini. Sebodoh2 saya tidak tahu menjaga perasaan orang lain, saya cuba untuk menjaganya. Oleh itu, kenapa saya dilayan sedemikian? Adakah saya ini tidak patut dilayan dengan baik? Adakah saya ini teruk sangat? Apakah kesalahan saya?

It's got me fucked up and dried up and fed up can't get up
And bleeding and crying like I'm mad at the soul

"But it's heavy"
"I'm not ready"
Do you feel like you're swimming in the notes?

It's got me singing blues that hit you like a cannonball
Loud enough to break your bones
But it was written in blood before they wrote it in stone
So, sing it with me like it's your own

When you face the truth and see reality like how it should be.

That is when I cried realll hard, almost vomited, feeling sick all over, inside and out. What should I do ? What can I do ? I just hope I am on the right track.

Daddy, I love you.

Even so.

What am I holding on to ?

Reality ? If i were to hold on to reality, I would have listened to you ages ago. The question is, why didn't I ?

Time.

As the clock starts to tick,

Tick tock, tick tock,

Time is of the essence,

There is no turning back,

There is no redemption,

And there is no time machine to bring you back in time.

As the clock starts to tick,

You wonder where have all the precious time gone to.

Was it used for good ?

Was it used for bad ?

As the clock starts to tick,

You wonder how long will the good time last.

You wonder how long can you pretend that nothing will happen.

You wonder when is the time where everything falls apart.

As the clock starts to tick,

You wonder about the past.

About the past that you cannot touch anymore.

And you start to wonder, was it right ?

As the clock starts to tick,

You wonder what is really worth fighting for.

You wonder whether it is worth you precious time.

As the clock starts to tick,

You wonder if you can have a second chance.

You wonder if you can turn back time.

And start all over again.

With a new time.

And now I am readdy to vomit my blueberry cheese cake.

To answer your question. No, I cant. I dont see anything in my vision. Its blank.

B.S.

I am depressed. So, in order to ease my depression, I am fattening myself with home-made blueberry cheese cake. In the name of God ! what the hell is happening to us ? what the hell is happening to all of us ? I hope this is the only thing that I am going to see. Tomorrow is school, I hope I dont see more of us dangling by a string. If at all I do, God, give us all the strength and the courage that we need. Why cant we all just be happy for one day ? For one god damn fucking effing bloody dayy ? Yes, help. I have got some plans for help and rescue effort. I will execute it. Yea, while trying to save myself, too. How ? I dont know how the heck I am going to do it. Pandai2 aku lah. I am 17 and a big girl now. I can do it. Would somebody just tell me what is happening ? Now I am really scared of school tomorrow.

Why is it like the other way round right now ? gah

God, please give me some strength to get thru tonight.

In whatever bad situation we are in today, we will always be able to smile again. It is our mind and our right action that can make us smile again.

Woman's Body.. yeapppp ~

Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B" .... Blouse, Bra, Bikini , Boobs.... & the lower body with a "P" .... Petticoat, Pants, Panties, Pussy. No wonder men suffer from high BP (Blood Pressure)

Sometimes I don't know why we'd rather live than die
We look up towards the sky for answers to our lives
We may get some solutions but most just pass us by
Don't want your absolution 'cause I can't make it right

Can't you ?

Can't you help me? As I'm startin' to burn
(All alone)
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction
My confidence is leaving me on my own
(All alone)
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention

Dont you ever use it against me.

Tired, tired, tired.

I am tired !

Aku belajaq bawak keta sampai tangan nek blisters. caya la wey ! hahahah

today was badddd ! coz tros2 start bljaq side parking. blajaq parking smpai i was begging so that boleh x jz pusing2 n bwak sjaaa. dh la radio xdakk, pnaih gila, n keta mcm ngn pa. seriously that car mcm shit. haha. cuba la bg keta cm aritu ka, kan elok ckit. agak pening la. so mati enjin tah bp puloh kali sbb habit bila break xreti tekan klac smpai abes. pehtu dok tekan klac punya lmaa smpai lenguh kaki n then lpaih n enjin mati lagi. len kali, free kan gear dlu bru la kaki bole rileks. haha. mcm org bodo dok tekan klac ja.

so today i learned two things. ok la three. the tiga pejuru, side parking n how life in college would be n how guys are. yeap sembang punyaa la byk.

nnti di college, esp girls, yeah kita akan bebas. but not really bebas, the freedom is called being independent. the stuff that u see in school right now, is nothing compared to what u are going to face in college later on. di sana nanti lah u call it life. baru u nmpk dunia. benda dkat skola skrg ni is just to prepare urself out there later. so jgn dok buat trok sbb skrg ni, is nothing compared to what u will face later on in life.

n buat jahat pon, mesti kena ada limit. yes, thats obvious, we all know that. segangster2 mana pon kamu, kamu mesti ada limit n mesti ada pendirian. jgn just ckp saja tapi kamu buat yang laen. doesnt mean u dgr lagu rock, u kena smoke n bcuz org laen pon smoke pdahal u ckp thats not ur style. jgn ikut org laen, ur life, its ur life, ikut la cara kamu sendiri, jgn terpengaruh. n apa2 pon, pergi balek kpada parents anda. dgr ckp diorg, ada apa2 masalah get back to them.

pasal couple tu pulak, its cool.

all in all, my brain was washed away by all the things that ive just heard tadi.

you seee thatttt !

Tomorrow might not make it but everything's all right. I think.

If that is how you are going to teach me, im sorry to say but i will forever never learn anything and i have to find another teacher.

dear future husband, i am sorry, but when you are married with me, i dont know what will i be feeding you. keluar dinner tiap2 malam la mcm tu.

and kenapala ibrahim xdak prom. gahhhh !

what nowww ~ what elseeee ~ 3 oclockk, cpat la maii, aku nak p driving ! i wana get out of this housee.

idk la. idk. aku xmo fkir. its just a never ending cycle. when it comes, it hits me hard.

and whats worse is you just cannot say it out loud. even if you could, damn u cant say it.

How can you live with your boobs hanging like two huge watermelons ? no, like seriouslyyy ?!? how do you have the courage to bring it everywhere you go ?

totallliiii !!!

Chernobyl disaster

it is very dasyat. n the effects.

Like icecream or lollipop?

Aku gila. serious aku dah gila. thank u time of the month. i hereby declare that i am totally out of my mind.

i like this. i think i should do this.

I Lost The Plot

not bad. u guys are cool. ahh, wait, thats too obvious. haha. i likeee.

rarrrrr ! i will practically eat anyone right nowww !!!!!!

I am sad. I want to cry.

=( . haih. its only the second day and i thought im getting better but i am just tired of it. i mean, like seriously, i am so sad right now that i almost cried. likeeee realllyyyyyyy close to tears. like what the fuck. the reason of crying ? u will rofl if u were to know. haha ! see now im smiling, next minute im crying. n the smell. i am addicted to the smell and so oh fuck it makes me sadder. aku mcm gila okay ! oh fuck. hormones. give me some mercy. shit u.

Delusional Standards in Education

* i got this from an email. Its just oh my, i dont know what to say, but what i can say is we are bunch of idiots stuck in the damn system n nothing is being done to improve the system. Politics are pieces of crap. *

In the materialistic world that we live in, one can see that greed has reared its ugly head in many areas of our lives. Propelled by an excessive desire to possess wealth and goods, greed blinds many in their pursuit of wealth, status, and power - usually at the expense of lives and other social costs.

For instance, in the current row over the PSD scholarships, many are barking up the wrong tree. Far beyond the debate about the distribution of scholarships to local and foreign universities, the core issue is the declining standards of education in Malaysia. How many actually question why it is so easy to score distinctions and why there is the ridiculous introduction of A* in the grading system?

Our youth are being led by their noses, lulled into thinking that they are good when they receive their result slips when the grade is meaningless compared to standards years ago. Take a look at the current syllabus for English and Sejarah. Compare the literature component with that which was taught five years ago and you would be shocked by the disparity in standards! Compare the sejarah syllabus with what was taught in the 1970's and one can safely conclude that our youth are not being educated properly.

Tragically, many just look at their own needs and desires. That is understandable because it is survival for the fittest. So they attend tuition classes, memorise answers, abandon critical thinking skills, participate in extra-curricular activities just so they have the edge in scholarship application etc etc and lose sight of what it means to be educated, to be nurtured because such processes are ABSENT in our system.

How many of our elected leaders actually realize that the education system is the key to the nation's development? How many actually lobby to RAISE standards by making it MORE difficult to score? How many actually scrutinize the way examinations are being planned, prepared - especially with regards to marking schemes, syllabus content and pedagogical skills?





In the 1970's, we had the MCE and it was tough to score. Only a handful in each state could score straight A's unlike the current ridiculous trend. And those in my cohort who scored straight A's at MCE and HSC levels, are now Associate Professors/Professors at Harvard University, University of Edinburgh and other Canadian/Australian/American/British universities. In my contact hours with college students, I have been appalled by the horrible scenario whereby 10A students, even 12A1 JPA scholars cannot string a proper sentence.

Recently, I was asked to help three adults - one a PhD student from a local university, another a Dean's List winner from another local university and the third - a graduate in Human Resources. I was horrified when I discovered they could not write a simple essay about themselves and was absolutely appalled at their inability to make sentences simply because they had no idea of the difference between a noun, an adjective, a verb or an adverb. I only had three sessions with them and that was enough to give me migraines, heartaches and deep disappointment at the realization of how deep was the rot and how impossible is the uphill climb to make things right in our education system that has gone so wrong.

Some examples of their work:

The PhD student wrote: 4a) Beautify (V) – My dad beautified the garden with the new buy Christmas tree.


The Dean's Award winner wrote: d) considerately (Adv) - He is considerately scolding me by raising up his voice.

The other 25 year old graduate wrote: 4)Competitively(adv)-Rapidly growing in technologies had make the industry competitively.

Shocking, isn't it? Sadly, not only are they unable to write properly, they cannot articulate themselves orally as well. Sighs.

Two months ago, I asked my students @ a local college to write four sentences on their favourite food. The first sentence must be the topic sentence followed by three supporting sentences. One girl, who scored 8As in the recent SPM, wrote:

My favourite food is chicken burger.

First you must mimic the chicken.
I nearly had a heart attack! I asked her if she was writing about drama class and then she showed me a chopping motion and I realized she meant MINCE the chicken.

Someone else wrote in another situation: The bus has just passed away.

No kidding!

I am in no way belittling them but am highlighting this as evidence of how the education system is in such a deplorable and disgusting state! My dear Angela has been bugging me to collect all these anecdotes to write a book. Maybe I should. :-( But I have not, because it is heartbreaking to see such developments.

How many people are truly aware of the terrible state of affairs? How many leaders are lobbying to ensure that we have the best teachers who are thinking citizens themselves?

As for those who are sent overseas to study medicine under the PSD scholarship, how many actually pass and how many fail a few times? Not all scholars are up to the mark. This is largely due to the questionable marking standards, poor quality in teaching and syllabus.

The point I am trying to make is that it is a waste of public funds to even offer so many scholarships when quality is lacking in our education.

Instead of wasting money on dishing our scholarships:

The authorities MUST raise the bar - failure to do so will lead to an accelerated decline in education standards and poor quality of labour in our country which will make us lose out in the long run to other neighbouring countries.

A major overhaul is needed in:

a) The teaching methods, training, syllabus, textbooks for:

* English
* Mathematics
* Science
* BM
* History
* Moral

- at primary, secondary and tertiary level - even at teachers' training colleges. Those who fail Mathematics should not be allowed to join teachers' training colleges.

b) A major overhaul in the public examination marking scheme, standards and they MUST incorporate the components of Bloom's taxonomy.

c) A major overhaul in the way schools are being managed.

d) A major overhaul in the way teachers are being trained at teachers' training colleges. Those who do not pass Mathematics should not be given admission!

e) Raise the bar for university entrance requirements for both students and faculty members and put a stop to plagiarism. There have been cases where faculty members/tutors/PhD students steal the works of others just to attend conferences. Disciplinary action should be taken but to date, what has been done?

f) Implement ISO standards and methods in pedagogy, methodology etc.

g) Put to death discrimination in schools and all other institutions of higher learning

h) Create a slot for critical thinking skills which should be make a compulsory subject

i) have stringent methods of control for the quality of textbooks and workbooks so that no Tom, Dick or Harry can be an author who writes just to make $$$. The proliferation of the workbook mentality has indirectly put to death the thinking mind

j) class observations should be implemented

k) all the pen pushing, form filling B.S. should be stopped.

l) assessment methods should be completely revamped

m) Oral and aural methods of assessment should be implemented

etc etc etc

And as a result of such a depressing state of affairs, some pay through their noses to send their children to elitist schools or international schools just to make sure that their kids have the edge. However, this is not necessarily the best solution. Of course, the family must ensure the right learning environment for their children and be taught to think. Far beyond all this, we must realize that it is the responsibility and duty of the government to provide us with a good education system for ALL.

So sorry for this rant. I am fed up and am so glad I am in retirement. I do not have much money left but I have a treasure chest of wonderful memories of students I taught from 1986 to 2005. Most of them have a Masters degree or two from blue chip universities such as UCLA, Princeton, Yale, Harvard, Oxford, Cambridge, Melbourne University, Bath University, King's College, UCL and quite a few have either completed their doctorate degrees. At the point of writing this post, my former student J.B. whom I taught in 1994 is currently finishing her PhD in medicine @ UCL and another student whom I taught in 1996 is finishing her PhD in University of California at Fresno. One of my students is even listed in Wikipedia.

From 2005 till now, I have only met ONE good student. Very sad. I shudder when I am invited to lecture or to teach. It is no longer a joy to do so but an ordeal because of the horrible scenario.

So will the system continue to delude us and to achieve a hidden agenda? Tell me, is it worth mollycoddling our students with sub-standards in our education system?

Do they really care for this nation and her future?

It's so long, it's hard for me to specify.... yes it is. Now you're beginning to notice, how much this feels like a waking limb, on pins and needles? (you crawl, give your best, but you don't seem to fulfil her hapiness, there are problems and changes needed, compromise your being, when was the day you felt that good?)

* thats deep , well kinda *

Better than watching Geller bending silver spoons.
Better than witnessing new born nebulas in bloom.
She who sees from up high smiles and surely sings.
Perspective pries her once weighty eyes and it
Gives you wings.

xsuka. xsuka. xsuka. benci. benci. benci. =,,= arghhhhhh !

The way I see it, motivation is fucking important.

I watched porn yesterday ~~

Want to play yo mama jokes with meee ? come2 !!! hahha. ni lah kawan-kawan aku. bole dok time tuition text aku and tanya soalan punya power. dah la suroh tanya bapak aku. knowledge la katakan. mmg kena suroh cuci otak dgn clorox.

ok. so i read anis punya story about school. how bout mine. haha. ok la. lets continue.

yes, lepaskan rindu byk sebab dua minggu babe xjumpa. i miss u guys so much. yeaaah i just jumpa anusha ja time cuti tu pon nganga tgk panda comey ja. n i really enjoy crapping n laughing with u guys. the jokes. hahah. we should share more jokes. n well yeah jaga our hearts more. haha. n maen monkey bar lagi. n do lotsa unexpected stuff. ^_^ i love u guys. deep down, underrr ! haha. peace ~

markah, ok la, xla trok sgt. better ckitttt. i think. study aiman. study. epic was addmaths paper two was like 20 plus over hundred. hahaha. lawak sunggoh ! weyh come on la, trials kejap ja lagi, n bole aku dpt markah cmniiih.

driving was good. for the first time in my life being the person behind the wheels kan. it was awesomeee ! i suka. excited. suma ada. syok la. rasa cam daytona except its really real haha. n manual n mmg xbes bawak. steering dia shit la. if kena buat pusingan habes rasa mcm oh shit, tlg ! haha. dh la siap dgq radio n dok bising n jerit n panic n suma. so u can imagine lah kan. i was called an oku. great. i wish i could kick him. mati enjin dua kali. one sbab nk brake, n i suka emergency brake so mati. ehhh i think so. i suda lupa. haha. n another one side parking. n mmg time bljaq parking mmg aku blur dah smpai i was like wth m i trying to do again sbb dh jam. haha. ok laaa. i just need to be comfy with it n bawak lagi. n kena FOCUS ! sebab aku ckp byk sgt n dok maen2 suma kan. u know im never serious that much. so all in all i can say, yes, insyaAllah, i can drive. ^_^ i just need to relax n jgn panic. haha

n ari ni omg mmg aku perlu kekuatan utk lalui hari ini. aku mcm nak gilaaa !!!! n esok n nnn esokkk n esokkk. x tahan owkayyy. just plsss, im big now, ok im just and only 17, reti jaga kucing ja, diri sendiri pon xtau nk urus lagi tapi kalo ckp elok2 pon aku phm kan. xpyah la nk menjerit n melenting. come on la, aku dah happy n excited pnya ckup all of a sudden jd mcm fuck. bek aku nganga kat jv smpai kol 6 pon xpa. lagi syok ada la kot aku rasa. doi.

n omg. saya suka scene bila hujan rintik2 n its cold n its so comfy n its so wowww. saya sukaaa. best moment ever. n sesi buli-membuli. haha.

n omg. thank u mr bfs mother, thats the best ciz cake ive ever hadddd ! ok mind u its ciz but i lorveeeee it soooo much. ^_^ n it made me happy.

ok dah, stop melayaning hormones. aku nk melayan 500 days of summer.

^_^ nyiahahha


* saya? fast learner ? weirddd *

InsyaAllah, I will blow my brains off, ace my spm, get a place in kdu, study very hard, get my first pay as an e n e, or a few more pays, get a place to live n im not coming back.

Dont call me home.

Can't you help me? As I'm startin' to burn
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction
My confidence is leaving me on my own
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention

As I adjust to my new sights
The rarely tired lights will take me to new heights
My hand is on the trigger I'm ready to ignite
Tomorrow might not make it but everything's all right

hahaha ! aku rasa time mamat tu p europe, si gf ada period kot.

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered

oh God whyyyyy !!!!!! space. i WANT space.

The River

I know I am different to an extend to be considered weird but I will never ever change myself just to fit in. I am me and I just want to be me. I love myself. And I enjoy being me. We all should too. Embrace yourself. Who else would embrace you if not yourself ?

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ! HAHAHAHA !

yeap. just leave me alone, thanks.

n yeap, esok xmo p skola. okeh ? boleh ?

What would it take,
for things to be quiet,
quiet like the snow?
I know, this isn't much,
but I know, I could,
I could be better.
I dont think i deserve it, selflessness.
find your way into my heart
all stars could be brighter,
all hearts could be warmer.

Rich people humor

the fuck ! hahaha. found it anis !

I can't possibly say it out loud can i ?

I mean i can but it will make me less human. Well, thats me anyways.

I know, this isn't much,
but I know, I could,
I could be better.
I don't think i deserve it, selflessness.
find your way into my heart
all stars could be brighter,
all hearts could be warmer.

Sleepy head.

I slept for almost two hours, well, before my attempt to read sejarah, haha ! damnnnn. im damn sleepy. i wish im dead. like dead.

im tired. im worrying so much. im over-thinking everything. everything little small thing. well not to the extend of me going insane yet. n note, my hormones are like fuckers i tell u. its just hard to control everything. patience is the key. well brain is the key, too. effort, patience again, understanding, can i say everything ? patience again.

fuckk larrr. everything is quite annoying now. small littleee things. haha. i wish i have like drums or sthh. u know, when ur angry, n u feel like ur brain n ur head n ur everything is about to explode, ur temperature is rising, ur head is spinning, ur face is red, ur lips are red, u feel like throwing everything that u see including iphone, n it gets worse when u start to tremble bcuz ur so angry and that u cannot express it. in a way, if u dont express it, u feel like fuck, even if u do express it, u will feel like fuck bcuz of the guilty n foolish feeling later on. so might as well deal with the anger and let it slowly subside.

damn, yes, i lost the ability to handle my anger again. i have to restart the whole ' aiman learn how not to be angry programme ' again.

I am tired.

Solace. Salvation.

I am glad and grateful that I have at least sth to fall back to. Not completely fall back, u can never ever do that, thats like hanging ur life by a string. Its more to when uve tried, and u dont know what to do anymore,u run out of faith and light, or simply just say u have met the dead end, u have someone there to help u find your way back. Its good to know that anything can be solved, if u realy want to. Anything can happen if u really want to. I am glad that i have met u.

To be honest, i have ran out of words. I have never gone thru it, but i can partly understand it. Its worse than getting stuck in a moment.

With a pile of cares
And a bucket of tears,
I could look at the sunlight
And I feel no fear.
With a mountain of maybes
And some Icarus wings,
And I'm armed with delusions
And that one little thing,
And it all comes down to you.

But I never knew about the little things.

Every single day
Things get in my way.
Someone has to pay
For the little things.

And I'm through with the stories
And I'm sick to my shoes.
And the walking and the talking,
It's got nothing to do with
The final solution.
It's a box full of tricks.
And I'm through with repairs
When there's nothing to fix,
And it all comes down to you.

You are a goner.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Relax.

Be happy.

Smile.

* i just have to practically teach myself all these basic things in life *

Who the fuck do you think you are?

I guess I do not want it at all.

All wrapped up in this stupid ass game.

Seem too close to be losin' touch
By givin' in, what am I givin' up
Am I losin' way too much

What more can I do ?

Y u no reply ~~~~

Alright, lets move on with life.

Either you fuck it up or suck it up.

And is it the time of the month again ? Or is it just whattttt ?

gosh u. help me up or i will strangle u.

Pinky brain.

I am glad now because I feel a bit pandai and knowledgeable. haha. ala u know the feeling when cikgu ajar n u paham n for the full two hours u paid full attention ( mind u, i cant rmb when was the last time i actually paid thatttt much attention during ttn, damn btul ! its saddening owkayh ! ) n now u feel packed but in ur heart u feel omg bess. yes, i love it, n i miss it sebab dah lama xrasa mcm ni. lama dh xrasa my brain being used and absorb info. so i loikee. ^_^ nyiahahah

n sebab xsabar nk tau muet results. haha.

ok, so here, I would like to say something biggg. and very meaningful. for me la. One day, well actually throughout my whole life, my journey as i grow up, as i go thru my ups and downs, my life, my everything, I would like to be just like my father one day. haha, not the marah org jadi general manager punya la, I would like to be as smart, as knowledgeable, as wise, as suma good quality that he has. I would like to be somewhat like him one day. =) ok i have another idol, yea, wow, aiman ada idola dia. yeahla, mestila. haha.

yes, he is my idol since i was a little girl and will forever be. and nobody can replace him. despite all those, he will forever be my dad. well yeaaa of coz, he is my dad. the best dady ever in the whole wide world. =) ( damn im having tears in my ears haha no joke2 not really haha ) eventho sometimes i wish that i can poke his eyeballs or bite his cheeks or tarik or chop his janggut off, he is the man who i love the most. i knowww, i am mean, but come on, deep down i love him so much. in my whole life, he plays the biggest part ever in my life, and gave me a huge impact about everything.

so daddy, i love you. =) and i do not want to disappoint you. i know, all the yellings, all the screams, all the long talks trying to tell me things and make me understand better. everything that ur doing that i, as a 17 year old girl or we say a teenager calls it annoying n all sorts, and takes it for granted, is actually for me. for my own good.

i know, i am a big girl now, i can think, i can handle things on my own, i can live with it, so i should think wisely and do what i need to do as a matured girl . =)

Choosing water over whine ?

Get this.


Love or Money ?


Wealth or Affection ?

Dont ever ask someone like this.

" hey! Are you smarter than her or is she smarter than you? "

I mean dudeeeeeeeee~

Can i ask u like,

" hey! Are your balls bigger or that hot guy over there is bigger than urs ? "

Yeah, it shows i really dislike that type of qs and idk, why would u wantto say that, i mean measure someone by their brain. Idk. I just dont agree with it. Like, whats your point again???

Yeah boy and doll face.

Damn. Just snap out of it. The whole thing keeps playing in my mind. And then i start questioning myself, endlessly, why cant i feel it? Why am i not given that chance? Why cant i be like that? Why cant i have it? Why cant i be as normal as a normal average person can be and have?

Black Monday.

And i think tomorrow is black monday if my sources are correct. I dont understand how could they be black mondays. Its a economy downturn, the damn stock market around the world crashed on that day or series of unfortunate events somesort which happened on a monday. Its like a whole history of it. But i dont get it, i dont see the relevance of it. I need more research. ^_^

* for now, i enjoy the leisure time yeah leisure time when im suppose to study NON STOP! of blindly surfing the net and read all sorts of stuff ^_^ *

MUETTTTT!! MUETTTT!!!!! MMMMMUUETTTTTT!

Im kinda excited rather than scared. I realllyyyyyyy3 hope the lembaga would be punctual and that at 12.01am the results will be out. ^_^ jyeaaaah. I should get band 4, normal human beings get at least band 4. If i dont get band 4, i would mentally n emotinally take a gun to shoot my brain and stay dead for 5 minutes.

Addicted to chicken.

If that is something that makes me feel depressed, damn fuck I should just practically shoot myself.

In life, there are certain things you would never ever get even if you live for a thousand years. If you are not meant to have it, just stop dreaming about it. It will only leave u with unanswered questions, heartbreak, anger, and the feeling of well yea being sick to ur stomach.

Appreciate with what u have. Dont ever ask for more. It makes u very ungrateful with what u already have. You may not have what the other person have, but you may have something that the other person doesnt have. Its fair, considered right? We cannot have everything that we want.

Live life to the fullest. Love unconditionally. Laugh uncontrollably. Just be yourself and enjoy the ride. =)

Over your skin like time.

Surprise2. I didnt fail anything. Yet! Haha. Not bad laa. Better from last time. N i know what went wrong. Its like if i dont screw paper two, i screwed paper one. Mostly paper one. Hence i screwed the whole damn thing. Jyeahh, i know rite, paper one. Maths pon xreti. Gahh. Haha. Acc shocker! I thought i died in it. To this, thanks almost 20% or soo! Haha. So for now, so far so good. Everything.

School? Awesome. Kinda. ^_^ Missed em. Sooo muchhh. The craps. The chats.The crappish infos. The how are uus. The hows life. The how is it going. The listening to people and feeling useful.

The feeling of being u. ^_^

Confidence and ignorance approved me
Define my day today
I've tried so hard to shut it down, lock it up
Gently walk away

Appetites and impulses confuse me
Decide my day, today
Now my body says it's over
Shaking hands move to tear my face away

And when the night comes I'm fiending like a pyrale
And I know stables my survival
When there's music all around me and I haven't got a single word to say

And then the light shines
It's gleaming like a bottle
And lord knows I tackeled it full throttle
May I illuminate the nameless faceless saints of this out and open grace

Every lover on a mission shift your known position into the light
Every diamond elemental you are instrumental to the light
Every sonic evolution make your contribution to the light
Every lover on a mission shift your known position to the light

Oh body mine please leave behind
And I'll do you one better
While you define
Your heartless time
I'll defend my love forever

Every lover on a mission shift your known position into the light
Every diamond elemental you are instrumental to the light
Every sonic evolution make your contribution to the light
Every glorious disaster every bond is gonna bring you faster out into the light

yeapppp ~ thats me tomorrow. And Robin is going to slaughter me. And no, I am not joking.

yeapp !

Totally !!!!!

daymnnn !

And all of le sudden, i miss Australia soooo much. bahhhh !

n guess what, esok skola !

n guess what, im so not ready !

hoorayyy !

That damnnn creature is reading some sort of smart looking book while I am here expanding my butt and wasting my precious time. Brilliant !

What a beautiful reminder. NOT !!!! ~

Decorology

Dalam buli kena ada romantik sikit.

Memang kena ada romantik sikit. kalo dak dah lama aku nanges teresak2 sebab kena buli dengan kejamnya oleh seorang monster yg amat besar. Tak da org yang pernah buli Aiman Rizal sampai sebegitu rupa owkeyyy, fyi ~

The Jerk Theory

You got to be a jerk to get a girl. Hahah

I will squeeze the breath out of you.

Derp.

Need more of what they call * ........ * ~

Weeyyy3!!! Results muet keluar hari isnin ni. Muahahahah!

Analogy

It is something like being in a glass box. A breakable glass box. Well make it a movable but a breakable glass box. You get the privilege to see things that is outside the box, move around with it, go along with it, but all you can do, is just see it and observe it. And only wish and dream that one day you could reach your hand out and touch it and feel it for yourself. But in that glass box, you have everything, security, safety, pleasures of life, almost everything you want. But you want more, you want to feel more, you want to go outside of the glass box. In order to do that, you have to break the glass box. It may sound easy, but you can bleed. That glass box will shatter into a thousand pieces, and it can never be mended. Even so if it is mended, it will not be a perfect glass box like how once you used to be inside of it.

i am sad right now. damn.

Vermilion.

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME ! ~

i miss u guys so much. rindu zaman kegemilangan kita. hahah. ok la fine, we do have it, just, sgt lah jarang dah due to some reasons. u guys are right in front of me, just there, i just cant express it. too much words, depressing thoughts i suppose n i wouldnt want that. what do i want la actually. haha. n lagipon kita kena serious dah, exam is just around the corner. i cant be irritating u guys that much dah, nak sit together in one corner and crap all along, make ur days miserable and make u guys pekak. haha. i miss u guys, okeeeey. tapi saya xkan stop menyayangi n mengingati u guys. ^_^ smpai saya besaq. hahaha

I just watched Rebecca Black - Friday.



n im like yeaaaa. nak kata retard, xdak la retard sgt tpi agak retarded. but at least idk. i watched the whole thing n i ws like bek aku tgk orang naked. hahaha ! wtfff