For once.

Either way whether it might be the first thing i hear as soon as i get up or the last thing i hear before i end my day. I frankly, seriously, do not care if the house is in ruins, well i do but for the fact that i have a roof on top of my head and i have people living with me in the house, that sounds good enough. I dont care whether your food is too hot or too cold or it is not the type of food that u specifically want on the table. I dont care whether your clothes are hung on your way or not or the food is not made according to your liking whereas you have been choking yourself with it for like manyy years already. And many more actually. So seriously, i dont care, you know why? I really just dont care. And for as long as you have two hands, two legs, and a brain that is capable to function well enough or it is the same level as mine or higher, be my guest and do it yourself. I am not saying you cant be particular, but if you want to, do it yourself. Then like it or not, you aint gona complain coz you are doin it on your own. It is as simple as that. Coz all you are good is at complaining, and not doing anything and expects other people to do it for u, saying things like how you want it, do things according your way. It is fine, it is ok, but you do it yourself. If you think that we live for you or work as your slaves just because we are females, then i might result in growing some balls.

I dont feel like facing my days.

Fly flyer fly.

Oh god whyyyy. Whyyy! First thing in the morning, well so called. The fish is up with u. Realy? Whats wrong with u? Yes i know no big but what the fish. Do i do that? I feel so stupid n pointless right now. And no, i do not want my life consisting those things. Ever.

Why so mucho effort !!!!!

I am not ready. It is like commiting for life. I cant imagine me being in that state. That aint my thang, that aint what i expect for my life to be. Noo. No wayy.

Owh.

I am a bit glad tomorrows monday. So it means that weekends are over and I get to get out of this crap. At last, at least. is it a downside that august is coming and no more crapping ? Or ok, is it a downside that i havent made up my mind on anything yet ? And yea to actually pick up the phone, find someone and tell em something, thats just for fun.

I have been there and done it so you shut up.

I xpaham, kalo obviously dah tau,tak suka benda tu, nak buat jugak. Ive been there, i know tak suka, wat la jgak tapi stop la or tried not to la at one point. Pedih kan, mcm bodo kan rasa. Kenapa kena ikut sangat. Ive been there and done that so shut up. Mmg benda tak suka tu doesnt make sense pun, doesnt kill, doesnt hurt. But what do i do? I live with it. Refrain la diri nak bagi usaha kena sangat kan cara. Sebab bila kata tak paham. Sama saja, tak paham. Wait, patience, keep waiting. Apa lagi?

I dont understad what is so fun with playing at the mosque, tambah2 there is like cemetery all around. And i dont understand why parents would actually want to bring their kids and not train them well, might as well leave them at home if they cant even behave or obey simple orders like shutting up for like sejam saja. And i dont see why i get the blame of not offing the aircond. If so, just off. Whats the big. Do i make noise if you dont even wash the dishes properly at u? No. I wash it again.

Maluu gilaa.

I just tortured myself watching a 4 min n 20 sec video of some dumb*** girl showing her errr how do i say this, her errr idk wht, regarding robert pattison n kristens breakup or her affair whatever. That actualy made me feel better in a way sebab m not that lunatic to that extend. I am just speechless, out of words.

Either way.

I wish i am good in drawing so then i could actually draw this out. A layout is not good enough for me now. Give me a wall, plain, white. Bigg. Give me colors. Id ruin the wall. Thats how the end product would look like. Thats how i feel. And idk how to stop it.

The opposite sex.

A subject that I wish to learn. To actually learn and try to understand what really goes in your mind. Is it all sleep, eat, sports, entertainment and forgetting about other things or not. Or what ? I know you people get on my nerves more often than not due to the inconsiderate lifestyle and pathway that you people live by.

I just mentioned it.

Oh my goodness.

That crappy feeling.

U kidding me rite.

I feel stupid.

So so and very. More often than not, I question myself a lot. Is this really how I should get from a person? After all?

I dont want anymore

You missed the queue to bother.

So dont do it.

I hate people.

Nuff said. Fish is wrong with u !

Wish I can say that.
Wish I can say more.

You have to trust and thrust yourself out there.

Well, this hurts me more than I can stand to say
In just one sitting
You left the room so I could pray
So I'll pace the halls to see if I could find a hole in something
Or maybe places to escape

Oh, and everybody knows this is the part
Of breaking down in anybody's arms
I'm reaching down and hoping this one's ours

God, please let this stay
And then I fell into pieces
And she fell into me
Saying, play me a song
It's been too long since I've heard
You sing

And you got here just in time
To let me know I was worth saving
If nothing more than for the heart
Too proud to breathe
But all too scared to say
The things worth saying
Who knew this trip would be this hard

As I'm looking to the sky to count the stars
I wonder if you see them where you are
I'm down on both my knees
To pray tomorrow brings no pain
And then I fell into pieces
And she fell into me
Saying play me a song it's been too long
Since I've heard you sing

And yeah we all fall to pieces
But at least you fell to me
But this is the wrong night
Tell me goodnight and let it go

I stayed here
And you just prayed
My head would clear
And I'd stay safe

And the pieces left that love has changed just saved everything

Oh, and everybody knows this is the part
Of breaking down in anybody's arms
I'm reaching down and hoping this one's ours

God, please let this stay
And then I fell into pieces
And she fell into me
Saying, play me a song
It's been too long since I've heard
You sing

And then I fell into pieces
And she fell into me
Saying play me a song it's been too long
Since I've heard you sing

And yeah we all fall to pieces
But at least you fell to me
But this is the wrong night
Tell me goodnight and let it go, oh

If you are gona tear it down after building it up.

You might as well dont bother building it up. It bothers me sometimes. Quite a lot now.

Yes, I stayed up till sahur.

And goodnite to u.

Its not all over.

Again.

At times like these I ask why

Karma ? Effects? I have to go thru this thang ?

How should i say this.

No, i am not ready.

The thought of going away soothes me.

So much.

Whyyy.

I have this brilliant most craziest idea ever. It is called, get disconnected.

I dread going to classes.

Like biggg time. >_< i see no reason. I see no purpose. I would just want to curl up in my bed and hibernate for as long as i want.

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'Cause I don't want you to know where I am
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.
And this is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. I never should have said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

And I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

And I heard the reverberating footsteps
Sinking up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
‘Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.
And this is no place to try and live my life.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I never change, I simply become more myself.

Right round.

So, i think i am going to let it go coz i see no reason why i should be doing this to myself.

Why is it you again?

Oh, i forgot. How I wish i can say that. And oh, i just totally did not bother what happened. How nice. I did not even realize it by the way. How good.

Sometimes I would like to think about myself.

At least I feel I am still living for myself.

Weary.

Don't blame me.

Canni kaa? Aduhai.

I feel so pointless. At its best. Apa guna.

Omg i just want to bang my head against the wall. Do something to refrain me from doing so.

So what? What should you say?

Anybody can do that. i can do that to for gods sake

I did not. So why ? If only.

LOL !

It sounds rather stupid to me on second thought. And oh boy, plenty of quotes could actually be used to suit this.

Why am I hearing all these again ?

Why give more if you can get it for less.

I wonder sometimes.

Am not interested in hearing that.

Especially that crap. I am not. So do i have toooo. No, why, i dont like.

I need a doctor.

Thanks for sounding not so or less appreciative.

I am not in the mood to be anyones anything right now.

Why ask such things.

Lupa ka?

I would like to dig a hole and crawl and die in there for a while.

Making things pointless at its best.

Why do i always have to give much more than i get.

I dont understand. Is it that difficult.

I hate turning into a cheetah.

So oh for gods sake stop turning me into one! I can try it, try it hard, so do it.

I dont mean to be sooo bad but seriously it bothers me like right now.

Sigh. I want sleep. Now.

Rid mi lips.

I want. My. Parents. Home.

Tak suka gila.

Okeee. I stick to my main point.

Just a wish. Why dont you make it longer, and then when I sleep then you would come knocking saying hello.

If I would have been given a wish, I would actually wish to be a cheetah, or an animal that has super sharp fangs and claws and a strong body, that can also actually swim into peoples dream and mind. This is just for my own satisfaction. So then when they sleep, I will haunt them in their dreams where I would pounce on them and do the riaoooo thingy as loud as I can til I burst their ear drums and then I would pounce on them and bite and tear their body parts apart. Or maybe better, just drag them all over the place by biting their hand or somethin and let them suffer slowly. Bleed to death, slow death, preferrably. Good, I like it that way. Riiiiaaaoooowwwwww !!!! 

TOo ekSaitED OveR NOtinn

Hi, My name is Needy, Aiman Needy. What is yours?

It is fine to be needy, but it is not fine when you dont get what you need. I feel like hibernating and shutting myself down from everything right now. Simply because I feel that it is the best way for me, unlesss, you there have a better idea for me or you know what to do. If you dont, the exit is just right behind you.

Heredity.

Yawww. That concerns me. Freaks me out a lil.

Like a big deal.

I need you.

What does it mean when somebody actually says to you, yes i know you need me, im here, i am always here for you, and compared to realyyyy being there when u really need someone and without u asking or saying it out loud that u actually need it. Are u just saying those lines simply coz u can say it or ur saying it for fun or seriously u mean it n ur up to it. I might want to scratch that out of my list.

Sleep. Come now.

All i can say today is, i cant believe this.

And I wonder where I have actually collected the amount of patience that i actually gave.

What for right?

What for you bullshit. Goshh. Go. And. Fly. Kites. Lah. Weyh. How can a person be this whats the word again? I am so tired of saying that word today.

Bangang ka apa. Lagi pening dari mechanics punya triangles. My goodness.

I cant believe I am still here.

Why again ?

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

I am just too tired of always thinking for both sides.

I would just want to think about whats good and the best now.

I think you are all crazy and should be shot dead right at your brain

like a zombie. Die people die ! * shoots people in my head *

Paper doll ?

Hell do you think I am actually to actually say that to me ? How sellfish can one sound actually. Dont get stressed up if you dont feel good. OH yes it aint ur concern because you will, no matter what, feel good. And not forgetting, all these while you have been and are the only one who feels good and I am left stressed out. ok for the reason of it is difficult for me. Difficult or not difficult have you thought of how I felt or how I am actually feeling. No, you keep asking for more. That shows how selfish you are. At least to have a thought like, ok, its unfair that I feel it but u dont, so I shudnt too. Have that ever crossed ur mind ? no, why, coz it doesnt matter as long as u get what u want. Have I ever left you being stressed out like that, no. And u know what, ur lucky that u dont have to feel it and u will never will feel it coz I dont do that to u. So it is easy for u to say that coz xpenah rasa. It is after all, your responsibility to make me feel good, you have admitted it to me, not mine. Because I think for all these while I have done my part to make you feel good, so what should u do ? Dont get stressed if you dont feel good. Thats the answer. That line shows so much. I get down, run the extra mile, I get my hands dirty just to do it, and u say dont get stressed ? You are kidding me, right ?

Dont get on my nerves n let me yell at you.

Seriously.

P juai ikan.

Sangat2 juai ikan.

Why. How.

I dont know why I feel these.

I
Hate
Things
Now
>_<

I dread a lot.

I dont like facing things.

It bothers me. Too much. Too close.

I didnt run an extra mile to be done that way. I didnt run the extra mile to actually question all these. Is running the extra mile actually putting some weight on you that I am at fault? And that I am the one who has to absorb and succumb to it. And to never actually being able to question the whats, whys, and hows. Just accept and live with that fact. Can? That I am always left to lick my own wounds and to miraclously function well tomorrow morning as if my heart has just not been ripped apart the other night. Thats how it is. Always is. Whatever happens, u lick ur own wounds and mend yourself before something hits u and breaks u again. It wears me off. Really. I grow tired easily. N all i need is sleep.

I wonder sometimes.

How did I actually make it thru.

And forever more.

I would realyyyy like to move on. With life. Now. >_<

I couldnt be bothered.

Coz u missed the time when I actually bothered.

Will it scar me for life?

I dont know whether I can deny it or not.

Karma police.

If thats so, i would have exploded a long time ago. And stop saying and putting up with those stupid things coz u know why, they really are stupid to me. But did i? No. Why? I said its ok. I said so.

You never listen.

Shit you never do things on ur own.

Im trying to make a point rather than a whole long passage.

I dislike the need of watching my words. And also the need of sieving through. Is seems very difficult.

Sheeeeshhhhh!

Tuih.

If only sleep comes easy.

Then i would be doing that wayyy more than complaining or simply anything else actually. Sigh. And i would like to be gifted with the ability of eating shooooo3 much but seriously you just wont grow fat.

But still, the truth remains lethal.
A lie made by man.
Where my shoes become hammers
And my words become sand.
Like a sour patch, a wedding batch
of roses you threw across my floor,
In the rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

Can I just let it all go.

And let me be to lick my own wounds.

You say jump. I say how high.

Do I want to swim, dive in deeper just to find out what is at the bottom of the sea ? Well, I do hope I find gold. What if I dont ? Or do I want to wait, trying to stay afloat with my own very will in hope that somehow the gold would come appearing by itself ?

Language Barrier

I dont know why but it is starting to irritate me now. By the minute.

Physics. Ur boring.

And it gets worse when u actually feel like slapping someones face right now.

That is where i find almosttt all of my unnecessary bullshit there.

But that is also where i find my comfort.

And if I can rise above this, I'll be saved

Can anybody save me?

Dependant.

I wish I can isolate myself from everything now and focus on what i just need only.

Anybody and everybody can say that to me.

So what else do I want to hear?

It is ok to feel that way.

It is not for me coz i dont do that.

I dont wana talk anymore.

I wish i can sleep as much as i want.

Thanks for the extra help.

sigh.

i hate things.

many things.

I cant have all that I want.

So I live with at leasts to get thru my days.

Bipolar.

Interesting.

I dont wana do it again.

It makes me feel worse than i already feel. >_< i dont want to do it again even if i need to. I dont want to find. I dont want. I hate it. Why do i even bother. I dont want.

So keep dreaming on another star.

For it might not come at all.

What is this all about?
Settle down, please don't yell or shout
The landlord, he lives downstairs
We'll get evicted
Please don't be too loud

You say I'm passive-aggressive
How can I not be?
When you're always talking at me
You say I'm unresponsive
And here you are
Talking over me

You make me wanna throw this shoe
Right through that concrete wall
Maybe you should pack your things
If it's that dreadful
Then just leave it all

Don't wanna keep on sharing my bed
With someone that I have to love less and less
Every time I try to make you smile
You say that I'm being a child
Well, I tried my best

You say that I need therapy
Well, my darling, so do you
Don't need for you to tell me
What is wrong in all I say or do

Please don't try to throw this shoe
Right through that concrete wall
Maybe you should pack your things
If it's that dreadful
Then just leave it all

Do I give mercy or some understanding?

No, i dont anymore coz i didnt get it when i needed it the most.

Do I feel sorry?

Yes, I do feel sory for myself. I dont deserve all these. Right at your face. How do you like me now?

Piece. Of. Crap.

Bull!

note to self.

OCD ME

I am counting the days. To stop being mean to people and myself.

I need to stay away from as many things as I can. Call me an introvert, I dont mind right now coz I think thats the best for me. Do I want something new to get by ? Maybe not coz new things, I need to familiarize and to understand hence it needs effort and I am in no interest of putting effort. What I want perhaps is to go back to a place where I once felt fine, I know what I want for now that can help. I might havve reached the maximum level of the amount of fish that I give to anything right now. I feel now, I cant afford to listen to your crap unless it is real messed up crap like you have a problem, then I am more than glad to do something for you. I dont want to hear and am tired of closing my ears and or pretending I am not seeing things that I dont like because if it comes to me, every lil thing I do is and will be taken into account and would be used against me. I am tired of putting alll the blame on me, myself, for all this while. I now would like to say, this is because of you, or it is your fault, or because you did it so it is payback time, and all sorts of things like that. I am now not in the state of being understanding coz all this while I have been and well, I should not have been understanding in the first place anyways. I dont feel like putting up with people saying all sorts of things right at my face unless all you want is a conversation, a good one. I am not saying it is too late but do it, handle it at your own risk. I cant help to bother and think about myself now. I dont mean to turn into a heartless creature but I cant help it. I am not a slave nor a servant of your craps. I would also want to be treated as how I should be, breathe, feel the air, I would want all those too.

I hate it when I say I dislike or hate something.

Yet. They stil do it. Worse. They apologieze for it. They stil do it.

Erghhhh. Shadap already people.

overly true

What?
Who me?
What?

Feet don’t fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
But I’m hoping at the gates,
They’ll tell me that you’re mine

Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design
I feel so alone on the Friday nights
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you’re mine
It's like I told you honey

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come on take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words, this is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die

Lost but now I am found
I can see but once I was blind
I was so confused as a little child
Trying to take what I could get
Scared that I couldn't find
All the answers honey

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come on take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words,
This is the last time
Cause you and I
We were born to die [x3]

Come on and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come on take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane...
Choose your last words,
This is the last time
Cause you and I
We were born to die

What I want right now is to sleep the wholeeee day.

So then i dont have to deal with these crappy thoughts that keeps swimming in my head.

Is it me or really it feels like i have to be crawling on all fours.

=S

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all

Oxygen. I need to breathe. Coz it is getting harder and harder to breathe.

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe



Not to say that I cant ignore it, nor can I run away from it. It sounds stupid to run away from it coz, seriously, you just cant ignore it. To ignore it also, does not make sense to me. To me, I know myself, I know what I do, I know what I dont do. So for me, it is perty safe. I mean seriously, it is. So, I dont mean to wear a mask over my face but I cant wear that costume either. I am neither here nor there and I cant help  myself. It is not that I cant help myself, it is just, this is too much for me to handle, for me to say, I aint that good in it.  Am I so hard to believe or am I so difficult to work with ? I mean I let it be. So why. is. this. so. hard. Sigh. I might just hate all of these for life.

Its like scramble eggs.

I want more.

How am i suppose to react right now.

I need to seek help.

I dont want to be me for now.

I dont understand how can like this species exist. Firstly, all you think is you, what you do, what allll that you have done. And never once clicked in your mind what others have done, have been doing for you, are all doing for you up to this day. And before you actually start to complain or say it is all crazy, you might want to look at yourself and tell yourself that you are the one who is crazy coz we all need to be carrying ur ass since idk when.

I doubt. A lot.

If its so, there is no sea that I have not conquered.

Because you are condemn for life to be repeating that same damn thing.

If you do not know something, then you learn. There is no such thing as you cant, well there is, thats if really you are not functioning properly then you cant. If you still dont know, then be glad than ever to blame yourself for your own shortcomings.

Oh wait, no compasion ?

I read music notes better than you fretting upon those answers. Talking about self-importance just gone down the drain. So you say? Effort also just got flushed down the toilet bowl with some crap, who knows where it came from. And all that i have to care about is anything an everything other than me.

I am a little glad that if you do feel obliged to do it.

Because I dont anymore.

I cant be bothered.

As it has been said. So, as it is.

Ooohhhhh?

Might as well I cook my own meals everyday on my own. No?

There is this thing called fatigue. Bloody fatigue.

So when this phrase suits a moment or a period of time, dont take me as a brand new gadget that you just bought from the store an hour ago and keep on pressing every damn button that is visible to your eyes and see what it actually does without even flipping the manuals in the first place. I know it is that difficult to flip thru the manuals.

Bencinya. Yes, read it.

I hate it!

Pyro

I never knew asking for such a simple and easy thing can bring so much harm.

I dont think I want to ask anymore. I would be more than glad to live with getting less than getting more than I bargained for. This is not what I want to be served on my table and this is much more than I can provide.

Despite.

I dreamt you seduced me
Just to walk away
I dreamt you inspired
Then rewired what I say
I dreamt you spread your bottom wings
And pulled me to the bed
But then I woke up feeling nauseous
You danced around my head

So tell me
How long, how long have I been down?
How long, how long have I been down?
How long, how long have I been down?
Down

I dreamt you burned my fingers
An automatic sting
I dreamt you called me beautiful
Then asked to hear me sing
I dreamt you sat, invited me
To crawl within your space
But then I woke up feeling nauseous
Girl, you danced around my face

So tell me
How long, how long have you been down?
How long, how long have you been down?
How long, how long have you been down?
Down, down

Why can't we work when we both try?
We try, we try, we try
Why can't we work, we both try?
Why can't we work when we both try
Try, try, we we we try

I meant to sympathize I meant to be a friend
I know apologizing wont erase the end
But I learn that moving on, is where I must begin
Because when our colors mixed
We couldn't fix the way they wouldn't blend

Tell me
How long, how long have we been down?
How long, how long have we been down?
How long, how long have we been down?
Down, down, yeah

And I wish that only greatness follow you around
I hope to God, you find a way to keep from down
When you do I hope you share it all with me
Please try to understand, yeah to understand me
Just try to understand me, yeah understand me

How long, how long have we been down yeah.
Down, down, down, yeah

I dont want to ask anymore.

I would mentally crush anything that I see right now.

High tendency to do so in reality now.

Fuck.

There now