Yeap. and the clock is ticking. time is running out. SPM is veghyyyy near. and school is about to end. And I have a couple of months left before I become a Penangite again.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow".

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.

I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all "Yellow",

I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know,
For you I'd bleed myself dry,
For you I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.

Adoi. Adoi. Apa yang tak kena ni.

You are my anti-depressant pill.

Skqlevdj*]£~>,^\+#%^*_ !!!! oh goodness! Thanks.

Kenapa aku dok buat macam SPM enam bulan lagi?

GREAT ~

Im tired.

I want to go out.
I want to go to vm.
I want to go to frutti frutti.

Getting up every effin hour of the night really is not something I like.

Hot muffins.

We all have our concerns.

Oh, just fuck that.

I miss you.

Rolls on floor

I may be a devil in disguise. See me as I do good but judge me as if I did bad in everything.

The more I see it, the more I feel like nobody can be trusted, at all. Well, ada, tapi berapa ja kan. I mean, truth is la kan, for me, we can hardly trust ourselves, more so tambah2 nak percaya orang laen, oh nehi2. hahah. trust your parents sudah. thats the best i believe. three situations made me feel like that today. threee mind you, not one, not two. but threeeee. so kita kena pandai2 la.

setengah cakap talam dua muka. setengah cakap tak serupa bikin. setengah cakap there is a mask over your face. ada pulak udang di sebalik batu, mee udang ja tak dak lagi. yea lapaq. ada jugak cermin diri. and ada pulak disebabkan kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga. ada pulak kata seekor kerbau membawa lumpur, semuanya terpalit. ada pulak ukur baju di badan sendiri.

p amek boh dlm karangan bm. haha.

Jealous ni pulak perkara biasa. gay ka lesbian ka straight ka, tu lumrah hidup. setiap manusia kena ada perasaan itu, sikit ka banyak ka merapu ka or bole tolerate ja. tapi at the same time, bukan senang nak bagi suma orang happy and nak kena jaga perasaan orang suma. nanti last2 selalunya, hati and perasaan kita yang tak terjga oleh sapa2.

And aku rasa, future nannti, utk future mothers and fathers, hahahha, be ur childs best friend, at least a friend, i saw a mother and daughter yang rapat mcm besties, best sgt. and jangan lupa make an effort and bawak lah ur anak kluar jalan2 pegi zoo or parks or pantai or anywhere. i believe ur kid will learn much more than staying indoors and by reading books and seeing pictures. I do still remember till this day where i have been and what i have done with my parents time kecik2. and i cherish it. kalo bole nak pergi balek zaman tu. and dont forget, sapa lagi yang kita ada kalo bukan parents kita sahaja.

bukan senang nak express diri kita yang sebenar and especially our thoughts. actually bole ja. haha. be honest, thats it.

And, its up to you. It is never mind.

Aku tak tau dah la nak wat cana. Tak pa la kot noh. Buat ja apa yang patot sekarang nih.

Taman Jubli Perak Emas

I am glad I had that walk with you. =)

I am over sleeping.

Biasalah aku ni, suma nak over. Haih. Tak dak ka over study kaaa over bacaaa kaaa.

I. Feel. Like. Tooooootttt.

Tired.

I won't ever be your cornerstone

Everything I cherish, is slowly dying or it’s gone.

Well, I guess I should have listened.

Yeap. And lets not forget that I have SPM which is just around the corner. First things first.

Stupid.

I guess it is normal.

To feel like this. After all, we are the weaklings.

We cannot trust someone 100%

And that is my second time hearing it for today. And i have heard several things more than once for today. Hush now, I would like to rest. that is enough.

I may talk, i may laugh, i may share, with other male friends but that is it. I already have a bf, and I only need one bf at a time.

Yeah, less than 50 days now. Spm is effing near. And this is the time when you start thinking of what you have done, what you have screwed, what you havent done, everything. Well, at least that is what is happening to me right now. For these past few days. I know I have done many things, things that I would not have thought I would even sniff or touch. But I was in it. A life time effect, yeap. I have wasted a lot, screwed a lot, cried a lot, laughed a lot, had fun a lot, learned a lot too i suppose. All in all I would like to say, i may wish to have a time machine now but nehhh, my life is how it is right now, dont look back, lets move forward, with baby steps tho yea seriously we dont have much time left. At least i want to do something about myself.

* I savor every moment that I have, because I know, I have the fear, it might be the very last *

Back to basics. What are my priorities ? yeap, If you happen to answer it besides spm, screw you ! yes, SPM it is. and my parents. and my future and life. That is not too much, right ?

I think im over feeling and over thinking, unnecessary things right now. Just absorbing too much, sometimes it need not to be looked at all. Why bother ? kan ? so look, stop, put a pause for a while, not stop, let it be, rest it for awhile, i need to be focused now. Set my aim, set my goal. At least 7as i think. And help people.

Yeah, at this point in time orang cakap, there is not much time, you cannot help much, you cannot do much. You just can help yourself. Yes, sounds selfish but better selfish than jeopardizing your own future for something that needs a lot of sacrifice and dont assure you anything in return. I agree with that. But I feel that doesnt mean you still cannot help, you still cannot do anything, you still have time, work hard for it, work your squishy ass out of it, you can do it. after all, bukan kita sorang nk dok spm, everyone is. If you have time gossiping and chit chating and all sorts, why cant you find time to help others ? This does not need super powers or something, it can be done if you want to. Only to work if the other party would respond in a good way. Appreciation is needed.

I hope I did not waste your two hours of saliva. I think I just did, again, as usual. But that was, well, refreshing, reassuring. My life, in my own hands. You have to go if you have to go. You cannot be dangling by a string and knowing that you may fall anytime soon. You can, but just be aware the possibilities of you slipping and falling. The message was conveyed, well, truth is, it does not need to be conveyed, it is already out in the open. The only thing left is execution. That, is out of my willpower. And how I wish you are in my league. And there I leave it, leaving myself exposed to every possibility.

So here, I just want to focus now. I xmo la dengar ini itu banyak sangat dah. kurangkan. relax. focus. and I would like to take only a few things seriously saja. i mean, seriously, why take things so seriously if nobody bothers, right ? and i have to live with other peoples wants and needs must come before yours. well, at least my mother told me that.

Yes, start everything with a smile. kan ? thanks btw. I like that. Betul. Start your day with a smile. STop frowning !

And I do not want to be somebody else in 10 years time. I would like to be me, and always me, forever and always.

Is bound to be a sight to see.

I beg to differ.

Puaih la sikit.

Damn it, guilty feeling swimming in.

There is always tomorrow. So why feel sad. There is always something else. Why feel so empty.

oghaittttt2. i didnt effingly fail. but to me and to my parents eyes, thats fucking big time fail and a spank on my squishy ass. the thing is yea memang xbes la dpat results cmtu, but i am glad to say that at least aku study la jgak this time, tho roughly around two weeks bfore and not the night before, ok fine, ada some the night before la jgak, haha. but i can say like i ada la idea, esp chemistry ada la tau apa nk jwb, at least i know this and that rather than dulu seriously zero. soo id just like to say, owkay, ni bukan spm, yeah penting la jugak, but xpala.

nvm the thing is, i wish i can pick up the phone and call u right now, but no, sane people dont do that. its not normal. and as much as you want something at that moment, you just cannot get that damn thing at that moment. when u really need it the most. damn kan. and yeah i always like to wonder. and its not easy to let everything out, especially it builds up or its crap, and crap, and crap. and dont blame me for being so independent. idk.

the end. hmph. why so hard. im sorry.

Apple.

I would rather smoke weed than light your own fires. Why should I light your own fires if I have my own fires left unlighted. Then who would actually bother about my own fires? Yeap, nobody.

That is pretty much my future and my life.

And i screwed it. I failed. Again. Haih. I just dont know what to say now.

Single book of matches,Gonna burn what's standing in the way,
Roaring down the mountain, Now they're calling on the fire brigade.
Bury all the pictures, and tell the kids that I’m okay,
If' I’m forgotten, You'll remember me for today.

I..., I won't ever be your cornerstone,
I...

All the black inside me,Is slowly seeping from the bone,
Everything I cherish, is slowly dying or it’s gone.
Little shaken babies, And drunkards seem to all agree,
Once the show gets started, Its bound to be a sight to see.

I..., I won't ever be your cornerstone.
I..., I don't wanna be here holding on.
I..., I won't ever be your cornerstone.
I...

Watch her roll,
Can you feel it.
Watch her roll,
Can you feel it.
Watch her roll.
Can you feel it.
Watch her roll,
Can you feel it.

I..., I won't ever be your cornerstone.
I..., I don't wanna be here holding on.
I..., I won't ever be your cornerstone.

Into the ocean end it all.

I'm just a normal girl
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
Be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow, yeah
Just to prove that I knew how, yeah
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Sat front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
I thought of just your face

It is not nice to cry several times in a day. Haih.

Crimson and clover pulling overtime.

“No matter how much you care about a person, you have to be able to know that you can sit down at night and be happy with who you are without that person….You should be able to have happiness. If you don’t have that, then you’re really not bringing your whole self to that relationship. You’re using each other as a crutch”

Deep.

SPM KEJAP JA LAGI

Tapi aku tak prepared langsung. DAMN IT !

Slash STUDYING FOR SPM ~

I saw what you did there hahaha

See but I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupified
It's all the same you say
Live with it

I think we all need to shut up, puaih ati ka xpuaih ati ka, be reasonable, be understanding, accept it.

You must overlook.

Semua orang ada flaws dia. I have it, you have it too. At least I know that we are pretty normal.

I would like to press the snooze and hibernate button now.

Aku ponteng sekolah bapa hari? Adoi

Are You Okay ?

Today I have come to learn to say it is okay to everything. It is okay to loose your wallet when you have 100 bux in it. It is ok to loose control over your tear ducts and shed a tear or two in school and get very upset. It is okay to be symphatised at and be called a failure. It is okay to kneel, weep and beg just to get attention, kind, warm, attention. It is okay to just take it in. It is okay to accept it. It is okay to be blamed in every thing that you commit. It is okay to scream and weep like an asshole in public but in reality nobody hears it. Its okay.

I have come to learn that I have many precious things around me, no I dont take it for granted, i appreciate it, i just learn that I have more, much more. And I know I have it. I have come to learn that that is not the only damn thing I have in life.

I have come to learn that this is the last. I do not want to try it anymore. I know I have said it, but I think I really mean it now. And I know I wont regret because I will be very proud of myself and to what I have done and what I have achieved. I am an individual. I know I can do more.

I have come to learn that it is very important to be understanding, especially very understanding. But it is not an easy job, many cannot, even if they can, how understanding can one be? Especially when it is not ones natural attitude?

I have come to learn that your wants and needs are not as important as other peoples wants and needs. They must always come before you.

I have come to learn to just sleep over everything. I have come to learn and live like this.

When you are about to faint and nobody is talking to u just to keep u awake.

Bak kata mak saya, its ok, its a lesson from God for being so confident. Bak kata mr bf, pls, maybe ada hikmahnya, perlu belajar lagi ka. Bak kata abang, rilek la aiman, jangan la nanges, spm bukan esok. Bak kata mr tong, haaa, u fail aaa. Bak kata orang2 laen, wtf, u failed? My ahma also almost fell from her transformers and thinking that i was joking her.

Nope, people, I am here to say I failed my jpj test. Was proud but now very disapointed by it. Its so simple and i have done it countless times. I half passed it today. God willing may pass the other half next month. All due to my nervousness and maybe I may say, my own panic attack. Haha. Yeaap, nobody, not even mr tong or abg would have thought i failed that damn test. They couldnt believe it.

Its like this, u know 1+1 equals to 2, but u wrote 3. U have been doing that equation for manyy2 months and never screw it, and u did it happily. I did manage to hit 100% but i didnt hit the gas and clutch when i need to. At the exam time. Kudos.

Yeaap. I dont handle failures that well. Espeecially not when everyone thought i could have aced it. Teach me how to calm myself down when i am panicking, not how to drive properly this time. Haha

Biggg heart.

Why so hard.

* Memang tak leh dinafikan yang setiap orang ada perangai dia sendiri. termasoklah anak2. kadang2 yea anak pon wat prangai kureng, kadang2 mak pak gak kureng, anak yg baek, yang tu lah depa tindas, anak yang bgoihhhh tu lah depa nmpak macam angel. tapi still, aku pon tak tau la mana btui ka mana tak btui, aku dgr ja. aku paham situasi kdua2 belah pihak.

* Either kita boleh terima orang tu ka tak ja. Or sabar. Sbab kadang2, terlalu banyak benda kita kena handle, fikir, and feel, kita pon ada hidup and diri masing2, suka atau tidak. we just dont know whats right or whats wrong, or what to believe anymore. sad to say. so if you happen to choose sth tu, bare with it la, its ur choice, so live with it. either u want to sink or swim in it.

* Esok jpj, i pray to god uncle tu baek, jgn la grg kalo dak aku ngeh gak haha, aku bole dgq radio, dia suka aku hahah, bole la focus, tapi nak relax. tu yg penting sgt2. if i am relaxed and dlm mood bole dgr radio n smbang2, bole la drive tu. i am glad i have abg n mr tong to teach me. haha. and i have to nganga the whole day at jpj tmrwwww. awesomeeeee. gosh

* i pray to God that i will be a good person, most in this is a good daughter. enough said.

* ni pon satu, aku cekik ang jgak. haha. haih. sometimes i dont und why we need to treat others fairly, or return the favor if our favor is not even appreciated. i dont care if its even appreciated act, just, if ur going to do it, then shut the fuck up and why the fuck make a big deal out of it ! both fair right. or simply, when you really need it the most.

* tu ja kot. i kinda miss school. ehehhehehe. ok la ok. study. people outside there, lets study. please. study. bapa minggu ja lagi nk spm. dah cover suma chapter dh ka ? if blum smua, half, a quarter, nil ? do something then. * same goes to me ^_^ *

Take me by the tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss me 'til you're drunk
And I'll show you
All the moves like Jagger
I got the moves like Jagger

Depression.

Its a huge word.

Bila sedang menunggu Mr.Tong tapi dia tak sampai2 lagi.

ZzzZzzZZZzzz ~ baca buku sejarah.

Your nature?

Fuck your nature la!

Sapa nak?

No use.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Camera pon tak mo amek

Sempat headbang lagi. haha. I have to effingly detox myself or whatsoever shit bcuz i p telan like idk what. the cocktail bpa sticks tah, lots more. cakes, craps, coke, craps, mashed potato, coleslaw, dah kot. haha. i hope il be ok. kinda tired due to the whole journey and all.

i was mesmerized at some point, to see such idk, i was just wowed by the whole thing. sharon comey, pertama kali tgk org smyang jemaah, it was cool. haha

okeh2, it was awesome. i like.

its justttt, unlike other classes, well idk la, but ok unlike dulu A3 u can mingle with everyone, I do with everyoneee, skang ni, well msok2 form four, i can hardly fit in, only with some saja. so i know who i can work with n who i cant. and bcuz of i know that very fact, it effing sucks, nvm that. its susah la act. bukan nak kata i didnt try, idk la i tried ka x, i just entah, orang cakap, tak leh blah. dang. nvm that, form five nak abeh dah.

all in all, it was good. rasa rugi kalo sapa tak p tadi. im glad we, 5SC4 at last did this bbq thingy. rmai la jgak mai, surprise2 rightt, sebab normally not many would bother, haha, yeah, that bad.

so, KUDOS to everyone ! ^_^

* I think I do it every fucking second of my life, good life. *

BBQ tonight. Hope it does me good. ^_^

I think maybe it is the whole idea of the long journey plus being so goddamn effing bored and sleepy and my hormones are raging like fuck, everything is coming back. I mean it keeps coming back. The fuck i wish i can practically pick the phone up, call this particular someone and hope that that particular someone picks the phone up and hear me complain, rant, whine, whatever. Because if I dont, i may have depression.

Ggggrrreeaattt! Suma tak kena.

Haih that shitty feeling I dont like it.

Im no catwoman. Whyyyy ~

Kak Cik aku ni boleh tahan aaaa.

First driving lesson with Robin Rizal Tan

With the kancil, oh my god, i think kalo ada lesen P dah, dengan kuasa yang pak aku ada, dia akan tarik balek lesen aku. hahaha. it was like shittt. dh la kena p park, i was like what the shit. keta kancil ni mmg tak sama dengan jv punya. i still prefer jvs walaupon keadaan xberapa bersih. and what i learned is, sehensem mana la seorang mamat ni, bagoih mana la perngai dia and kecharmingan blahh3 kalo dia smoke, and berbau smoke tu, forget it. its a HUGE turn off. so never ever smoke unless u dont want me to stay near u. and yea eventho half way thru blajar dengan daddy i felt like crying sebab nak gelak pon tak boleh and cakappp pon xboleh, lepas klac keta tak jalan, gerak tak smooth la, memang brake aku sucks, sumaaaa2 la, but i was like, come on, i can really learn from this old man. hehehe

With the waja, oh my, it all changeddd. haha. * thank god la kan * shoooo i cant wait to get my lesen pppp. lets hope i pass. ^_^

Why is everything my fault?

Is it just me or what?
Is it really my fault or what?
Is being so gentle and mild plays a huge part or what?
Am I just plain stupid or what?
And this is not the first.

And I just dont get it. Of how bloody stupid can things be. I just dont understand.

Kill me with your love.

Mg2+. O2-

These two ions here are positively and negatively charged. Each have their own special and unique properties.

But when combine together they form MgO. A compound. A stable compound. Both cancels out their positive and negative charge. Hence being stable and balance.


* enough is enough. Everybody screws up. I know i do, i did, i am. So its ok. Its normal. Just dont repeat it, try not to. If you want it, you move on. If you dont want it, stop.

It can be a mental torture.

Some say the same, some say likewise.

Ada ka yang cakap likewise? Tak penah la aku dengar orang cakap likewise unless dia tu memang xtau apa.

Oh look at where we are going.

It's got you strung out and bothered and caught up
And drowning and feeling and shot up
And feeling you gotta run

It's got me fucked up and dried up and fed up can't get up
And bleeding and crying like I'm mad at the soul

BBQ

lapaq. penat. bosan. so dont cari pasai with me unless u have food to give me. haha

Aku cukup tak suka bila kena ulang benda sama. Aku cakap tiga kali tak pa, ni rasa dah sepuluh kali, and still xboleh2 lagi. adoih. kena practice ka apa ni ?

I wish to have the huge-st heart.

So then it wont be kecik easily.

If a guy whistles at you, do not respond. You are a lady, not a dog.

Yeap. You got a point.

When u are fasting n things at school are a bit bumpy and u jump and laugh and enjoy here and there with a little saket hati and heartbreaks here and there. Not forgetting mulut yg trlebeyh laser coz everything around u is so stupid and irritating. And when u drove for so long and keep mati enjin sebab dah penat and mengantok sangat and matahari dok saketkan my brown eyes ni and nampak pulak ada mamat minum ayaq mineral tepi aku. And spm is less than two months and im not doing anything yet, yet also some is worse than me that is langsung tak mencuba and aku rasa nak tembak manusia2 seperti itu, tak tembak pon bagi maki and lecture sikit la. Come on la. And my jpj is next week. Macam mana nihhh.

Answer = TIDOQ. HEHEHHE.

Whyyy drivinggg whyyyy.
Whyyyy schoolll whyyyyyyy~

I just want my bed, my pillow and my comforter and I just want to shut myself.

I need your hand to guide me.

Where have you been ?
Where have you gone to ?
Why did you go away ?
Why did you leave me ?
Is it for better or for worse ?

I need your hand.
I have been longing for it.
I have been lost.
Not knowing where to go.
Not knowing where to hide.

I need a stand.

Tie the knot.

Alhamdulillah, everything went well. The akad nikah was good. I officialy have a abang ipaq now. And he is awesome sebab bole tumbuk perot dia hahahah. all in all, yes, he is a very caring and loving person. I am glad he is part of my family now, most of all part of my sisters life and I pray for their happiness and everything la kan. haha. The reception was also good. I just hope I did my best for these past few days and made my sister feel happy. That is the most important thing because it is her big day.

All in all i would like to say, family first. Be it anything, eventhough you are not so close or not like others, you can always just fall back and cry and stay there. They would always care for you. Or crap or fart in front of them. Best part is gossip la haha. And just stayin in bed with them and talk and talk. Your family will never run away from you, will never grow tired of you, will never leave you behind. Your family is the biggest part of your life, that you can never deny and you should not. Without your family, you are nobody. As individualistic or as selfish as we may be, without our family, we can never be well, whole ?

I am very proud and glad that I come from this family. ^_^

Yes, marriage is not just about a guy and a girl starting a whole new life together, its also about expanding the family. Not only that, i think the best thing is the process, the whole drama of the whole big thing. I am glad my sis did the wedding here, dapat la merasa macam mana kan, and i could spend some time with all of em. Oh yea about my house turning into a hostel, I am glad it did. ^_^ I SURVIVED, PEOPLE ! the my alone-time did affect me a bit but neeeh, i have lots of alone-time waiting for me. anddddd im not realyy thatt happy about it. for now. hehe.

Yea, had ups and downs. I am still pretty confused about taking it or moulding it. Yes, I rant a lot. But i have no choice. I still need a place where I can hibernate and completely shut myself from everyone. Sometimes, you need to be independent, you cannot hope for so much, you need to go down and do things on ur own, even when you hope somebody is there for you. Sometimes, you cannot blame on others on why they are so independent and not dependent on you, they must have their own reasons. Sometimes, you give more than you take. Sometimes, you expect more. Sometimes, you dont get what you want. Sometimes you just become so inconsiderate and selfish because you just care about yourself. Sometimes, you just be you. And you hope you gave your best shot to make everyone proud and happy for the way you are, for the way you excel, for the way you perform, for everything. And I really hope I did.

* I wish I could trace all the dotted lines with my fingers.


And thank you so much for the ones who came, who helped, who tolong makan also. hahah. thank you so much u guys. bb, Amalina, Anusha, Fitree, Ezza, adek ezza, cousin ezza, dah la tu kot. haha. I really appreciate it. Love u guys. ^_^ and of coz la I will remember you guys for many years to come, God willing.

Little Mona Lisa laying by my side
"Crimson and Clover" pullin' overtime
Seem too close to be losin' touch
By givin' in, what am I givin' up
Am I losin' way too much

Hey
California waiting
Every little thing's gotta be just right
Say
While you're tryin' to save me
Can't I get back my lonely life

I'm goin' so fast that I can't slow down
It's hard to get up when you're spinnin' round and round
I'd tell you the news but nothin's changed
I'd sing you a song but they blew it away
All wrapped up in this stupid ass game

Hey
California waiting
Every little thing's gotta be just right
Say
While you're tryin' to save me
Can't I get back my lonely life

yeap. How long can you hold back your tears ?

Life is like that.

I have a greater mission, my life. I can move on. I can go on. I can do this. ^_^

Thanks for the memories that I shall remember for the rest of my life.

Do i need to tell you ten times?

Kenapa orang len aku habaq sekali ja tapi sampai skang dia ingat. Pasepa?

Haih.

Lepaih satu, satu. Apa lagi ? Aku wonder la apa la pulak on ur side. Anyways la, my sister is getting married. Its a good thing. ^_^

And this is my reaction to everything I fear 'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here

I need to get a grip of myself. Breathe in and out. Relax. Chillax. Smile. ^_^

I do not understand.

haih.

You are so wasted.

* this is just whatever, read it or leave it. di sini memang aku nak admit bahawa aku memang xperfect, aku memang banyak buat salah and aku sedar and aku admit and aku ni tak bagoih untuk berkata sampai begitu but what the heck kalo aku just rasa nak tembak hang bagi mati kan.

How can one be so ignorant ? How can one be so dumb ? How can one be so xberperasaan ? How can one mengaku that perangai dia baek. mcam mana la orang macam kamu ni bole kata perngai kamu ok, aku dengan macam ni pon mmg aku mengaku kadang2 perangai aku macam pig jugak. How can u say that u tak buat salah dekat parents. gila ka apa. yea aku admit selama ni memang aku dok buat salah kat parents, tiap2 masa, even sekang, dengan xstudy suma tu. at least la kan, trials ni aku ada la usaha, walaupon smggu ja before trials, yeah, aku cuba jugak, aku xdak la nganga n worry macam nk mampuih tapi usaha satu apa pon xdak. bek xpayah worry langsung kalo macam tu.

awat, u kena sampai mak pak kamu jatuh sakit ka nk bagi sedarkan ang ? awat nak kena sampai depa dah penat, dah letih, dah give up ka ? ang tak kesian ka kat depa ? xdak kesian langsung ka ? ang pikiaq ang ni bagoih sgt ka, apa nak suma dapat, nak duet beratus dapat mcam tu ja, nak apa2 dapat saja tanpa perlu usaha ka apa, nk kluaq mana suma dapat and how dare u say u xbuat salah apa2. kena ka sampai mcam tu ? awat hang ni xckup besaq ka nak pikiaq apa baek apa mcm f.

boleh mai tanya pulak apa salah diri sendiri. weyh, awat hang xleh pikiaq ka wey, dah besaq lebaq, 17 belaih tahun dah, xleh pkiaq seniri ka, xle usaha sendiri ka ?

yea skg ni i feel my As are not a yang berkualiti, mmg pon ada ka 80 dah a plus, rasa mcam nope, its not enough, 90 and above is considered a plus. i dont und macam mana setengah orang bole fail and still bole dok rilek lagi, yea mmg, aku pon rilek sama, keja dok makan, tdoq, sembang n the cycle goes on and on and on again. tapi come on la wey, is this what u want out of ur life ? maacam ni ka ang nk cita kat anak2 ang kata mcm ni la ang abeskan zaman form five hang ? hang elok2 la sikit. biaq btui la. ang nk dpt anak pon aku xtau macam mana la, pkiaq pompuan nk p kat ang ka kalo ang mcam tu, diri sendiri pon xboleh nk urus, nak pulak pompuan. dont u know people would see u as nothing, people look down on u.awat bangga sangat ka berperangai macam tu, ang pkiaq bgoih sgt ka ? dont u realize that. itu pon kena habq ka. tak boleh pikiaq sendiri ka.

awat, susah sgt ka nak study ? usaha la wey usaha. hang nk usaha kumpui duet beli benda yang merapu bole, nak usaha dapat gf yang xsetanding dgn hang pulak tu pon boleh, awat benda ni xboleh buat ka, susah sgt ka nk buat. bukak buku and baca ja. put ur head in it la. xbole ka ? aku tau mmg la susah tapi ang pikiaq dgn kehenseman, kecantikan dan whatever2 bole menjana income n bagi ang makan nsik ka ? ang biaq btui.

mmg la mak pak ang ckp yeah, xpa la kalo fail, xpa kalo spm xok, asalkan nnti dapat krja yang elok and dpat rezeki halal. yeah itu memang sgt btui. tapi la wey. sapa nk anak dia fail, sapa xmo anak dia dapat 100% dalam suma subject ? meh hbaq sat mak pak mana xmo mcm tu. even kita nak bela la anak kucing * analogy anak kita sendiri * kita nak beli collar, nak bg tempat pupu dia bersih n lawa, nk bg katel, nk bg the best food, nk bg dia gemok n etc2. pasepa la pulak mak pak xnak the best for the kids. mmg la tros trang mak pak ang xkata kat ang ekceli depa tu dok kcik ati, dok makan ati, dok buntu akai, dok stress, dok usaha, dok risau pasai ang, tapi awat, ang xle pkiaq sendiri ka ? awat ang umoq bapa sampai benda simple ni xle pkkiaqq ? mmg obviously diorang xkan gtaw u but u have to know that, even same goes to me. i know my father wants the best for me. he did this n that n planned this n that so sbg seorng anak yang reti pikiaq and bersyukur and appreciate, i should do sth about it.

even pon la yea krja ala kadar setakat bole bg makan nsik, pkaian and enjoy sikit. ang xpnah mau pikiaq ka nnti ang nk improve urself ? awat, ckup dah la gaji 2k cmtu ja. ang xmo ka dok dari apartmen dua bilik p jadi banglo ? ang xmo ka dok bwk viva p tukaq merc one day ? ang xmo ka dok asyik beli converse pehtu tukaq p beli bonia ? ang xmo ka ubah hidup ang jd lebeyh bagoih satu hari nnti ? improve yourself.

kalo hang fuck spm hang, ang nk p futher studies ang kt mana ? ada ka matrix ka kolej yang nk trma ang ? kalo yea pon trima, tambah2 ikut cable dgn duet beribu2, ang layak ka dok kat situ ? ang xley pkiaq ka n xrsa malu ka sbb truth is sbnrnya u dont actually belong from there.

so here i would like to say, we have like around two months left bfore spm. cuba dgr nasihat mak pak, cikgu2, kawan2 yg bek n caring n brtggungjwb nk tlg ang. p la mnx tolong kwn2, p la buka buku mlm2 n bljaq, xreti jgak p tnya ckgu, ckgu akan jd lg happy. maasa lama lagi. tolong sedar tu. cuba dgr ckit org disekeliling ckp, bek ang nges skg sbb xckup tdoq n mata cam panda n xdpt have fun daripada ang nges air mata darah nti bila dpt results spm. lpaih spm ang nk trjun bgunan pon xpalah, nk tdoq bapa lma pon xpala, xbgn pon xpa, nk terbeliak mata n nganga dpan lptop pon xpala, xdak sapa akan halang hang dh n parents ang xkn beletiaq mcm skg ni. nges la smpai mcm mana pon u cannot turn back time n xdak org dah la nk resit for spm. well, suit yourself.

ini untuk kesedaran kita bersama jika kita tak sedar lagi or tak cukup sedar lagi. i need more brainwashing also.

Hangait aihhhh.

Harini, beberapa orang telah berjaya naekkan darah aku dengan secara automatic. Sampai pening aih kepala.

Dok kenai dak ni ???

>_< when something takes over something, then you would end up with nothing.

Confide. Confiding.

It is an act to avoid suffering from depression.

Spaces in between.

It worries me. So much.

How I wish I have a time machine. How I wish I am Catwoman.

Plush flush

Hmm.