sigh.

You can promise me the moon and the stars.

I might take your word, either now, or someday in life later. I wont say it, I will, I might, though. I do not want to feel as if I just simply, purposely, jumped into a black hole by sucking in every damn thing I hear. You can say whatever you want to say, I know in the end, I am the one who has to decide, to believe in what I want to believe. I am fucking scared. Thats all I can think of. And nobody can convince me in this. We wont know what tomorrow might bring. Say, 10 years time ?

so smile. =)

I get you burttt thats not the way. For me larr.

POST THIS I MUST !

totaly.

The world these days. The society these days.

No doubt, throughout the years, make it, 10, 20 years ago. make it 3o years if you want. No women would dare raise their voice to their husband. No child would know what the hell is a computer and become less socialized with other kids. No child would dare to raise or object their parents wants more so their needs.

What I am about to say, is purely from what I think and see these days. It might or might not be related to me or anyone else around me including you.

Are we so involved in the world, being too materialistic, being too selfish that we forget our roots. Our morals. Our traits that makes us simply just plain human.

Yes, we all have desires, wants and wishes that we hope it can be fulfilled. We might want something else, but we get something else. One things for sure, if its not bad for you, it wont kill you.

Do you we forget sometimes that we have parents to attend and serve to ? Do we tend to neglect the ones we love and especially the ones who love us ? That we have our own kids to care for ? That we have a husband to treat and to love ? That each and every one of us have our own responsibilities?

I see kids, bare in mind, at the age of 7 or more. Hardly communicates with people. All they do is play with their iphone or tab or what crap. That is fine for me. Worse is, manners. They just really dont behave at all. And rude, in fact. Dont you parents teach them ? Or at least feel embarrassed by their behavior. I mean, okay, you might say they are still small, dont be harshh bla3. dude, if you dont teach your kids now on your own, you expect the teachers in school then ? By then dont you think they are like rock and it is very hard to mould. If they were still young, they would be as soft as clay ?

I know that life is not a bed of roses. Well, it is actually, but with thorns too. if you know your life is like that, that its not like a walk in a garden with sunshine and fresh flowers all the time, why would you want to do things that can complicate matters. It is your life you are talking about. Why add thorns to it ? just oh god why on earth would you do such things.

Just, the society and the world these days, freaks me out. I do hope that I wont be a part of the sickening system.

Will I try very hard?

I am not sure whether that is the real reason or not. I just want to plant in my little mind that it is the real reason and nothing else is. Because if it is not, it will eventually eat me up. Someday, somehow. Even if I try very hard to prevent it.

Susah sangat ka? Susah gak la actually. I have been living with it. And agak nya serik dah kot.

Aku sedaq. Akku ni panas baran, cepat naek angin, xreti sabar, cepat marah, keras kepala, and banyak lagi benda yang seumpamanya la. tapi kadang2 tu, bersebab jugak la pasepa aku marah, memang aku admit. aku selalu nek angin without any reason yang kuat pon, tapi kadang2 tu memang patot jugak la aku naek angin. awat, ingat syok ka dok marah2 ni ? dak.

fate. as it is.

So give me your sad, sad trip.

i cant sleep. How I feel like I'm starless.

i cant accept it. its, i am filled with anger, hatred, full of unanswered and never will be answered questions kinda feeling. and to even say it out loud, more so lettin it out, then asking questions about it, what the fucking crap. to why i am not that way, why am i not brought up that way, why did i not get it once upon a time ago, or been given the chance to feel it now if i wasnt given the chance to feel it.why me. why you. why all of these. why cant i get it. i dont think im asking for so much. those are, well, nvm. sigh. fine yeah. live with it. just dont repeat it. learn from it and so you are not condemned to be repeating it. i might have to live with a life full of unfairness but cut the crap, that is life. i might have to give somebody else something i havent even felt in my whole life. or give something that i will never get back in return. i dont hope for returns but i hope for being treated equally and fairly. i just wish i was given that chance, thats all . period. all binds with the phrase it hurts and life sucks. thanks.

Worn out and faded
The weakness starts to show
They’ve created the generation
That we know
Washed up and hated
The system moves to slow
They give us answers
To questions they don’t even know

You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated
You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated

Used up and jaded
You’re thinking way to slow
So we’re creating
Answers on our own
We can’t relate
To what you think you know
And you create
The problems that will never
Go away

You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated
You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated

You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated
You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated

(Go away, go away, go away, go away)

You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated
You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated

I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal!
This animal, this animal

I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become

Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become

Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal!
This animal I have become

You are stellar

Meet me in outer space
We could spend the night
Watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place
Won't you come with me?
We could start again

How do you do it?
You make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew, ho

Meet me in outer space
I will hold you close
If you're afraid of heights
I need you to see this place
It might be the only way
That I can show you how
It feels to be inside of you

How do you do it?
You make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew, yea
How do you do it?
You make me feel like I do
You do

I'll be coming home
Just to be alone
'Cause I know you're not there
And I know you don't care
I can hardly wait to leave this place

No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone

You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
Home, this house is not a home

By the time you come home
I'm already stoned
You turn off the tv
And you scream at me
I can hardly wait
'Til you get off my case

No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone

You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
Home, this house is not a home

This house is not a home
I'm better off alone

move on. i hate this.

Not everything we can get in life. Sigh. I do wish I can feel everything, from when I was a baby till now.

=(

That hurts.

I guess I have to live and get use to it from now on. Pick up when I call you. Be there when I find you. The simplest thing to do, yet so hard to be done, yet so far to the heart. It is all out of reach.

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be
Just like you

I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you

I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be
Just like you

On my own, cause I can't take livin' with you
I'm alone, so I won't turn out like
You want me to

I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you

I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you

What do I do when I get angry ?

Stay angry for as long as I want. I try very hard to fake many things in my life. I wish I can have that ability back. Sigh. why u go away.

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me go...
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

I gotta notion to say what doesn't feel right
Got an answer in your story today
It gave me a sign that didn't feel right

Kegunaan lesen P.

Works as a display picture in my crocodile leather brown purse. Wat sebagai hiasan, bila orang tanya nak tgk lesen, aku tunjuk la lesen p aku tu and promote muka comey aku or aka card utk promote kecomeyan and kechubyan aku. sigh. fuck. tu ja. dah, lega sebut perkataan tu at last. all in all aku nk kata, wat penat ja aku dok p bpuloh2 jam kat jv tu dok nganga dgn mr thong and abg jack utk dapat lesen l then p. dah.

Just Like You.

macam ni la. setiap hari, kita mesti nk lets say 5 hours of sth ( fill in the hours and what u want ikut kehendak n kemahuan sniri la ) . katakanlah haritu ka pa bz, nk bagi dua jam ka sejam pon susah, so every minute yg kita ada tu mesti la nk try bg lima jam kan. every minute is perty precious and mesti la dihargai drpd dok wat bodo and what benda len. kalo dah xcukup lima jam, xreti ka nak bagi cukup lima jam ? xreti ka nak wat adjustments ke pe ke bende. benda tu pon mau kna hbq ka. xperlu la nk ajar kn. make amendments. make adjustment. that aint hard. ada nampak ? tak.

Southbay.

1. I have only stayed in this house for like errr, 3 days. memang banyak nak bunoh and cekik orang. haha. either sebab memang terlalu penat or terlalu annoying. just get this, i have to be breathing in with dust and whatever crap non stop and i have sinus, so shut up okayyy. yes, i get very agitated easily. so dont bising so much, dont annoy me so much, dont get on my nerve so much. coz everything will be multiplied by two.

2. Pabila tiba masanya aku tak dak sinus, oh my i feel happy. tapi sangat tak happy bila aku dok tengah melepak kat nasi kandaq, ada dua mamat ni dok smoke, xpala, aku dah la baru mandi, baju baru pakai suma, dahla angen dok tala kat muka aku. what I feel like doing is, getting on top of the smokers, cekik diorang sampai NAK mati n then cakap, ang bodo ka apa, ang nak rosakkan lungs and diri hang xpala, aang nk smoke smpai msok hosp pon xpa, aku xdak mao kisah, ang pkiaq ensem n macho sgt la smoke tu, my ass, yang nk rosakkan aku punya lungs ngn orang len punya lungs pasepa. stupid.

3. what caught my ears was, we are a family. yes we are. dysfunctional, define it. it might be dysfunctional but i prefer it to be called perfect.

4. yooooooooooooooooo. doi.

Sawadeekaa ~

Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, i wish i am not back in malaysia and would still be in bkk kicking assess, spending evry single bhat that i have or getting high every other minute and find comfort in the hotel room at night. I just did not come home for all of this la. Yes, reality sucks, so start eating and sucking it up ur arse. Slama ni, what was playing in ur head? A monkey on a bicycle? Oh goodness. I would have taken a baseball bat n hit ur head with it ok? One, two, i had a long day. I might not be expressing my depression and frustration, but i tell u, oh my, i am fucking tired in evry way thre is. Bangkok, why i leave u~

What do you do when you see me sneezing countless times and it is an indication to my sinus ?

Seriously, dont mess with me. That is like you carik pasai big time punya.

Conclusion, time tu memang aku akan cepat naek angin and marah orang. So jangalah suroh aku wat benda, but its ok, I will do it, suroh ja, just jangan dok bising. And satu lagi, kalo aku cari kamu, mai lah. tak dak la susah sangat.

Contoh, macam ni lah. Haeh. You know, for one fact, I am very glad that I will be getting away from here, from people. i dont have to like oh, i want this to be like this, i wish ur here, i wish you listen and u know, I have to cater, Just, good. I find people very irritating sometimes. And I wish I am not attached to anyone or anything at all.

Period.

Add ping pong to that!! haha. So selaen swim, ping pong pulakkk ! heheh. that is kira huge la to my inability to excel in any sports. jyeahhh ! thank u mr bf for making me play ping pong.

Yes, it made me shed tears.

I initially dont mind packing all the clothes, cleaning up my closet. But now, I am cleaning my small little stupid lil things, sentimental if you might say. or the stuff that I have putting aside for the reason of oh, I wil be here for another month or so, I might need it. Now I am going off, and I have like two days or so in this hoouse when i come back, all I can say this is just a lil bitt too much for me to take right now.

Stop it before you regret it.

I'm feeling out of bounds, out of bounds
I'm running out of time, out of time
I know there's no such thing as either of them
But its doesn't make me feel any better

Adolescents.

Yeah, what a joke. A smile ? heh. dah la kot. aku dah bosan. yes, I miss a lot of people. School most of it. For the fact that kdu is far away, aint helping me. And to hear what anis said bout kdu, damn it, u serious ? Why yall sound so racist ? I hope when I go there, well, I just hope it is not like that. Yes honey, I feel death. Yes, the boredom, the sadness, the not socializing, the everything, it is eating me up slowly. And nothing, not even you can help me, only myself.

Yes, i know it is not healthy, obviously to be like me right now. Depression, a bit, not looking forward, feeling very hopeless, stupid, crave for never ending stupid attention, very the very yes, gets upset even for the tiniest reason, yes. I just wish I am like me, i mean the old me. Who doesnt care about anything. apa nak wat pon wat la. tak dak nak kisah orang rasa pa ka saket hati ka makan hati ka. xperlu la nak kisah. who wouldnt bother to do or cater or to change for someone. and by all means, I know change is good, look at me now, I know I have gotten better. Who would really do best in pretending that she is ok. Yes, it is getting worse. I have lost the ability to pretend that I am ok and to ignore things unless I say it out loud. what the shit is that. Yes, I would rather keep things burried inside me and just let it die, sooner or later.

Having the urge of saying almost everything out lout or having it out in the open is just not what I like right now. It takes a lot of effort and it bothers me. Why cant I just live like last time where I hardly say a word, yes, I keep things bottled up inside me and now I prefer it that way so then I wont be so over sensitive or bothered by even the smallest, stupidest, tiniest thing. sigh. why. I want to be me again. the normal, old me. please come back to me.

keep sanity intact. Thats the most meaningful phrase I have ever heard by far. thank u. keep it together. keep holding on.

Yes, I am leaving in two days. no, the last thing I want to feel before leaving for bangkok is getting angry at some certain someone. And that means I will be realllyyy2 mad at u. yes, tho I am not looking forward for things, I am trying to look forward for this. This opportunity wont come twice. I know I have been complaining that i am not going on vacation or anywhere far. So this is it. I wish i have a switch to literally shut off or forget about everything here including everyone here so then I can just be me, or a new me or a more calmer me there. I jsut want to be happy there, and when I come back, I do hope things would be better. Not to say things are totally crappy, just are not to my liking. I just have to suck it up and grow up.


ADOLESCENT -
is a transitional stage of physical and mental human development generally occurring between puberty and legal adulthood but largely characterized as beginning and ending with the teenage stage.

Please just end fast.

malas la nak cakap.

the end. yea. suma aku malas. i am leaving and half moving ( again ) in two days time, I am not packing a thing. damn.it. la.

If this is not real, then I dont know what is.

if it seems so real and so true and so nice, but obviously, it can be near perfect, but not near at all. My point here is, what else do I want ? What else am I hiding ? Why do I think that this is just not it. Like, there must be something more than this. Why am I not letting myself to just flow and believe ?

Maybe its the fear that I have. Yes, to just sleep in a new room, in a new house, bothers me much more than the feeling of my underwear getting stuck in between my huge ass. yeap.

And to begin with, like start like telling a story. One, it will bring me to tears, again. Two, who would understand. Even I dont. idky I find this super difficult to handle or to talk about it. Where should I start ? I mean I cant just blurt out, yes, I can actually. to some people only and I only have one in mind. The thing is I might feel like nobody would understand me or might consider me as a stupid person who just cannot get a grip of things around her.

Is it because I am too bored ? Or yeah, not half but three quarter dieing of boredom. And I dont even know what I want. and for the fact that kdu is gona start 2nd april, makes me want to die more. I was hoping for second week of march if at all.

And maybe if I say this, and it goes this way, I dont want, I want to go that way. And if it does go that way, be it because it happens to be or made a few adjustment, I wouldnt want that too. I know, apa yang tak kena sangat ni.

Sigh. what should I do now. I would really appreciate to go for a drive. Maybe ok, lets look at the brighter side. Hurh ? yes, I refuse to.

yeah, right that.

damn stupid wireless damnnnnn.

Please get some sleep.

Yes, it stresses me that I can hardly get proper nice sleep even after a long, stupid and tiring day. whyyyyy.

On the verge of spontaneous combustion, woe is me
But I guess that it comes with the territory
An ominous landscape of never ending calamity
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like a definite possibility to me

A cloud hangs over this city by the sea,
I watch the ships pass and wonder if she might be,
Out there and sober as a well for loneliness,
Please do persist girl its time we met and made, a mess

I picture your face in the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly...

A cloud hangs over,
And mutes my happiness,
A thousand ships couldn't sail me back from distress,
Wish you were here,
I'm a wounded satellite,
I need you now put me back together make me right

I picture your face in the back of my eyes a fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly
I'm calling your name up into the air
Not one of the others could ever compare!
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly!

Wait there is a light,
There is a fire illuminated attic,
Fate or something better I could care less,
Just stay with me a while,
Wait there is a light, there is a fire defragmenting the attic,
Fate or something better I could care less,
Just stay with me a while

I picture your face in the back of my eyes a fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly,
I'm calling your name up into the air.
Not one of the others could ever compare!
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly!

Draw a map, find a path, take a breath and run.

You dont like me and you wont like me if you know me. I just dont get it. Yeah, it is difficult. Lets face it. I cant help it too. I cant kill you, I wont kill you, and same goes to you. It feel so good and so right as though it is you, but it is so wrong. Is it wrong to feel you? Even if it is just for awhile, and for after some time. Cant I just feel me for awhile like you always do?

No, not enough. Not good enough. I really dont know what can actually satisfy me.

Yes, it tears me apart. Little by little. Makes me feel not wanting to look forward for my life. Be it for the next minute, more so for the next day and so on.

I have kdu tomorrow, would like to check on my dead gideon but thanks to shifting the receipt and the box is in southbay. Idk what I want, Idk what to look forward for. Nothing I guess.

Y I no talk to robots ?

Y I talk to walls ?

WA KENAL LU SAPA.

If you are my friend, tolong lah jgn cakap wa lu suma, aku mcm nk sepak ja. hahha.

Three hours. tak pa lah. make it longer lagi next time. it is a new form for practicing my patience and anger. i shall enjoy it. heh.

So, dont bother if I would be doing something else, or could not be bothered at all, I will not care one day, or just sleep or just go on with my life. So just sit back and pretend nothing.

And dont worry, my lips are sealed.

Well, thank u so much. Tonight, yes, i felt like me balek. I am glad I can still be a listener, someone who one can share their probs and secrets, and I did let a few secrets out haha, well, feels like me in high school again. I just simply felt aku ada life kejap. hahha. not tonite, dah pukol 3am, sangatlah lambat. damnn.

Yeah, memang lah aku ada life. Tapi benda di sekeliling aku wat macam aku tak dak life. Hence, aku kena berusaha untuk rasa aku ada life. Nak dok tunggu orang bagi aku rasa macam tu, tak boleh la. Kita kena buat sendiri.

It is embarassing watching a couple practically having sex on dvd with your parents.

Be understanding Aiman, be a good girl, be diplomatic, be understanding. No, wait, seriously. why should I be when you were not even close to that when I really needed u to be. When I say I really need you to be, I really mean it at my worse state of all. Were you ? No, even when I was tired as shit or frustrated like fuck. and I had to deal with that and put up with it and bare and live with it. And by any chance, wouldnt it happen again ? Be it I try my best or not it will happen again.

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

You could be happy.

Sometimes I just remember things where I just should not be remembering at all. Like the happy times that I have lost, those precious time that were wasted, the hurt I felt that really was not what I wanted, things that I wished happened but did not, things that I expected to get and wanting to get but I did not, many more?

aha. more than anything that I can ever wish for.

yeap.very the darn it.

And2, Rizal too.

When I start to think things over.

Not to over think it, but to just think about it and mention, more so talk about it, that is when I panaih hati and the tendency to naek angin is very high.

Sinusitis is much more complicated than I have ever thought.

It is sick.sick, sick !

I need a life. I need my life. Give me my life back.

KDU, why u no start tomorrow. I have to wait and be like this till March. Yes, fuck fuckity fuck fuck. Why i no enroll January. I hope I can make it thru till then.

You say adjustments, why dont you do some. later ?

I would love to see it.

Dear sinus what the crap,

Please stop dripping and sneezing.

Sincerely, one who would like to sleep in peace and get back ones normal nose.

August Rush gave me banyak2 goosebumps.

Oh yes I wish I am a musician.

Esok start sekola untuk sesi 2012

The Despicable Me original version :






The Despicable Me Aiman version :





AI WAN GOOOO schoooolllll ~

Cheesy Lava Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Delight

That was the last of my fairy tale. This next time when it is all right. I might have set my standards and expectations way to high. It might has not reached it, but I had a great time and I will miss it. Any way, any how, I shouldnt do that and that you are awesome in every way there is.

I would love to pop some pills and sleep till the next morning.

Can we all see it ?

I dislike my life and living being right now. Wont you help here ?

Yeah, what a good title to start for my first post on a windy, coldy morning of 2012.

What do I see in 2012 ? Nothing. I dare not expect a lot or anything at all or even say it cause expectations causes disappointments and unwanted frustrations. especially when it has even barely touched the wanted point.

Dreams ? Yes, we can all still dream. Dreams and imaginations are the thing that keeps our mind alive. I dream a lot. What sucks is its still all a dream. Hopes too.

I have to say, I dont really enjoy living by the means of " at least ". Why should i live by " at leasts" if I can get a bigger picture, where I can get much more than at least. but yeah, we all say, beggars cant be choosers.

And at least we try, we made an effort, we fought for it, we went against it. Show some appreciation !

2011 was crap. haha. ok not.

1. last year of school. there I learned yeah, I miss school. I really do, the people especially. I do wish we can go back to class, sit at the back together, talk about bras or about some weird guy or kutuk2 our classmates, haha. or just laugh over anything stupid like one of us spilling water on the floor and we accuse as peeing in class. or kutuk each other, pick, buli.eat together. share stories of our weekend. n the most is get to say " I will tell you at school tomorrow ". School was where I got my daily dose of meeting people, getting stupid jokes, getting knowledgeable facts including reading guys puberty part book haha, lots of human touch, loots of crap, thats where we get ice cream, talking and sharing your stories, thats where we act like assholes but still had values and things we still believe, we were bad kids but we were still good, top it we still do study, having good listeners around, good talkers, good motivator, good advisers, good food ? dang scallops and nuggets. hahah

2. last year being here. That isnt something easy. I never thought I would move again. And the packing and the shifting, seriously, I am just not up for it. Would u mind pushing my huge squishy butt all the time so then I can move forward easily ?

3. I took some certain path which I actually shouldnt have taken. I didnt know why I did it but I know, my actions, my responsibilities, I am ok with it. Did some things that I wished I didnt do. I wish I did much more for myself. I wish I said and stood up more just for the sake of myself. Yes, I have many regrets. But regrets shouldnt be pondered upon. I still have today, tomorrow and my future. And my hope is just that I learn from my mistakes and wrong turns and am not condemned to be repeating it again. So, just go out there and live your life. Yes, I think it is impossible to go thru a year where you have nothing to regret or wanting a time machine or to undo things, but at least dont make a collection of it where you can actually produce a best selling novel out of it.

4. I have been falling in and out. Sometimes I am in cloud nine. Sometimes I am at the lowest as I can be. Yes, I broke down a lot, be it alone or in front of someone, gave up countless times, threw things away, maybe said things I dont really mean to. But all in all, here I am, in a new year, I shall go on again.

5. I hope I was a good person to everyone despite being an asshole manyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy2 times. I try hard to please people, I hope I manage to pull that of. I hope I gave my best.

6. I have met some people. Made new friends. Got a boyfriend. Some whom I thought was cool but should be more careful. Some whom I would love to continue my journey with. Some whom I wish I can shoot them right at their head due to their ignorance and stupidity. Some whom I see wouldnt change themselves or love screwing their life up. Some whom I would like to say go and eff yourself and get a life. Some whom I dearly love and will remember them for as long as I want. I will miss having those buddies. Some who can just toy with my feelings and make me feel like I am the world the next minute. Some who made me feel appreciated, made me feel good, who was there by me and knocking some sense in my head.

7. One thing I would not want to change and trade are my parents and siblings and loved ones. And my cats obviously. Other elements in my life can be on sale haha.


Seriously, if I am happier and normal, I could and would have written a good piece for the new year. And talked like I have never talked before. But eff that, this is what is swimming in my mind. I dont mean to sound so depressed, but depressing thoughts are interesting, right ? haha. So, Happy New Year People ! May 2012 bring all the good things to you and make you a better person than you are now. Cheers.