Please now chill if you are not chilled.

My injuries have healed. Let's hit the road.

That's what highway rider said. I might be cool but you do not play too cool with me.

Walk little walk
Small talk big thoughts
Gonna tell them all just what I want
That street two streets I see you and me
Hanging on the empty swings
Count high low don't worry my eyes are closed
I'm a superman and it's my show
One shoe two
Gonna kick with my new shoes
I'm going to kick until I need new shoes

Yeah, yeah

I said uh-don't stop, don't stop, don't stop
Talkin' to me
Stop, don't stop, don't stop
Giving me things

I run they run everybody run run
And we're all just having fun
Sleigh ride boat ride piggy back ride
I'm going to show them all how I can ride
One two three close your eyes and count to four
I'm gonna (I'd like) to hide behind my bedroom door
Crayons on walls
I'll color on them all
I'll draw until I've broken every law

Yeah, yeah

I said uh-don't stop, don't stop, don't stop
Talkin' to me
Stop, don't stop, don't stop
Giving me things
Stop, don't stop, don't stop
Laughin' about it
Stop, don't stop, don't stop
Don't stop

Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop
Talkin' to me
Stop, don't stop, don't stop
Giving me things
Stop, don't stop, don't stop
Laughin' about it
Stop, don't stop, don't stop

Truthfully, I am bloody bored.

Eitherway, you wont be much of a help.

I keep giving a yes and I keep getting a no.

Now you tell me where has it gone wrong ? I am not some bloody charity road show ok. And I feel like an idiot, a puppy who is chasing no one just to ask to play fetch.

Promises are bullshit.

What was worth was reality slapping my face. Just for the fun of proving myself right, yet again. I know fast food is bad but i keep shoving it right down my throat till it makes me want to vomit. For a fact that I can cook my own 5 star meal kills me.

Makes me want to scold people.

You especially.

I cant say it is all full of lies.

I cant say either that it is all full of truths.

Where is my life? Where is mine ?

Why now at this time. Of all the time. I know i chose this. Part of it i am stubborn, i do not want to bow, i do not want to compromise. I have had enuf of those and now i want people to bow to me and do as i say. Cant u do that for me just for a little while ? I knw no doubt it is difficult, but i have done it, i have been there, i have done it and got out of it. Alive. But that is me. I know. Part of me refuses to let go. Left right centre either way i would be angry at almost anything, be it relevant or not. Part of me still wants it, still wants to stick with it, live as it is, as normal as i can be. If only I could do it. If only.

Settle down. It will all be clear.

You are stupid to actually expect me to like it.

That is not the picture that i want. And that is not the type that i want to be involved in. I know myself very well in this. Do you actually think it looks good on you? Do you think that is something i look up to? I tell you i dont even look an eye at it, and i frown upon it.

Firstly I wanna ask, do you read it or do you just see it ? See as in just see it but not knowing what has been said.

It says there, do not jump. But you still do jump coz you didnt see it so u ask me, what happen ? Really ?

When somebody says that they are not happy.

We just make a straight face and look at them. And that is all we do.

Like it means nothing to you.

At all.

Making me feel useless at your best.

I wonder why I have thoughts anyways.

I dont need it.

Easier that way.

When your heart has already been plasticly deformed the whole day.

Somebody does better by stretching it in thought that it is actually polymeric that does not have its elastic limits. That is the best and worse piece of advise i could get. I know that. Lets swallow it and focus now.

Go help yourself.

Note to myself. Nobody is going to help me unless i help myself.

It was a distress call, you idiot !

Yes, i cant get what i have lost back then. I appreciate friends that i have back then.

“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much; my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude—for every single moment of my stupid, little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure; but don’t worry….you will someday.”
— Alan Ball, American Beauty: The Shooting Script

I sincerely wish I forgot about the occasion.

It is the same shit, same date, same month, just a different year. So why dont we wait for another year, right ? where I have actually been waiting for this moment ever since last year. No its ok. I loveee waiting. I shall wait till next year pulak. Oh what, wait for two years now ? fun. So I shall now sit at a corner of a room and tell myself as many times as I want that I actually do not care about this shit, aint gona give a shit about this thang coz you know what, I am done bothering. I think I have spent much of my time for this so I aint gona waste my time anymore. I am gona say to myself that it is not a big deal nor a big thing for me and  I am actually not looking forward for it, not a single bit of it ! cannot do anything about it. Guess what, neither can i. So I am not gona do anything about it. if you want it, you do it. I am done. It is so fun to build somebodys hope as high as the clouds and just tear them apart in a split second ! splendid ! i love it so much. Do it more. Try me like a dummy with no needs. And you sit there and pretend as if it does not mean a single shit to me.

I like water.

Make amends.

By being good ? I do not want to be anything now. Yooo i have needs too. I have wants too. I see no reason why I am not allowed to feel this way.

What if I say I do not like the picture that I have?

Are you gonna get me a new picture? Or do I have to go out and search all out for the picture that I want? Do I still or am capable of looking at that picture day in day out all year round ? Can I ?

An eye for an eye.

Am I sure about that ? Owh now you are saying ? My.

Perspectives.

Yes, I thought so. Sleep is for the weak. I have to sleep. >_<. And i dont feel thattttt badddd coz i get it too. A. Lot. When I need it the most too. So what, right ?

Why cant you see it.

I cant do this.

Why should I be ?

And there is nothing much you can do after that. Or wait, you always cant do much so what am I saying. And you want me to give u a chocolate moist cake with frosting and icing and hand made figurines made of sugar and with a cherry on top? I get that, I understand that but you are just so dry.