INCUBUS

BRANDON BOYD

a k u n a k m u n t a h

LOOKS LIKE IM NOT GETTING BETTER !

NOT GETTING BETTER !

just when i got up in the morning feeling a bit of my normal self..

thinking yeah i can move on now.. m feeling ok now.. lets start a new one..

look what just happened the first fucking freakin thing in the morning

yeah.. sometimes i wish i dont have to get up..

great.. wonderful.. theres ntg else i wud like to wish for.. BUT THIS !!!

yes.. its bound to happen.. u already knw that..

and u knw wat..

this is just the start.. this is considered ntg..

theyll b more..

n worse...

just like i expected.. just like how some of us expected..

just wait and see..

so yeah.. time for u to face all tis again...

- peace -

hey man !

ur still alive !

ur not dead !

do sth about it !

sweet little words unlike nothing i have heard ~ this will be soon

sapa soh ang xdk org gaji.. yg bising2 sgt asal.. bknnya xdk duet.. bknnya xle.. ko seniri xnk.. yg bising2 asl?! bknnya org xpna tny nk ada org gaji x.. seniri ckp xnk.. bare with it la ! fuck of la ! bising sgt asal?! oh yeah.. coz ko kna mark papers.. oh yeah.. coz rizal too bz dkt ofis.. yes.. both of u guys time ni mmg combination xbgos.. i bet tdi pg u guys terjrit2 an? thank god xdgr.. if aku dgr.. tah.. xingin... but i can feel nnti rizal balek i bet sth will apen.. ijz have a feeling.. rizal ngn byk kerja since suma org off to au.. n u with ur papers n coz ahma nk dtg clean here n there.. u knw sth.. kalo ko suroh aku la.. aku buang ja suma.. haaa.. nak ? xnk an.. so u do it urself.. coz aku seniri wat pun aku xtau nk wat cnna.. if aku xtau mmg aku xtlg.. nnti tlg kang ckp oh ni xbole ini itu xkna.. wat la sniri ! yeah.. btull.. suma org ada mslh.. xpla.. u guys rasa ok sgt.. u guys xpna fikir bout me ? at least u guys can do sth.. u guys g keja.. u guys cn drive.. well money i have i jz cant spend.. y ? m here ! i cant drive ! wtf la kluar pun xbole! wat can i do ? m just stuck here every freakin fuckin day.. yeah wile all my frens go out have fun spend time tgther.. some maybe next year dh xdk dah.. do u guys ever tink bout it ? wile u guys g keja evry fckin day.. m all alone at home.. then y cant u just let me go out ! ysst.. idk y.. but bfre mum left to work aft lunch i felt like beggin her to send me to someones hse.. preferably pitees.. then she ckp she lah most affected..in all this.. ko fikir ko sorg ? i knew all tis will happen.. yeah prevent dramas.. im not a superhuman.. can i just get out of the house ? idwt stay here.. m just stuck here.. i knw.. its not the end of the wurld or going out is the only ting to do.. but just tink about it..m just so fed up stayin at home.. being with my prents.. even if i go out.. its with mum.. fuck of.. bdk mana kuar ngn mak dia ? m tired of it.. i want my friends.. i want ppl my age.. ppl who can und me.. ppl who i can talk too.. stayin home all the time.. not having smone at home.. kalo dulu shit mana pun m not alone.. m so not all alone.. ada uncle omar.. makcik ada.. plg2 nya kak siti.. skang.. oh yeah.. pnah ka u guys tink about it ? pnhka fikir idup aku kat ibrhim tuh ? bgoi la sgt... ! yg plg aku xpuas atinya.. wen i have a fren cmg over ka.. sure nnti bising2.. wat do u gys want from me !!!!!!!!!!!! ckp la aku lupa u guys la ini la itu la.. yeah thts y kdg2 i sound reluctant.. aku mls la suma ni.. see... i just dont knw wat i want.. n need.. i knw wat i need.. a therapist perhaps.. n some pills.. done !

destroy.. and deliver it..

theres much more of this..if i keep going on.. my brain will burst...

! \ m / !

korn - cmg undone

thank u amalina !


n u knw... i dont feel so like shit anymore.. so cooooolll !

:D

i write sins not tragedies

now i wish im dead again...

i need to .......................

i am practically loosing my mind..

just great..

you know something..

i so dont wish for this...

at all..

standing on the rooftops

kita focus stdy
serious

i wana score for spm

i wana score in class

i want to b able to pick what i wna be besaq nti

i want to start shaping my future

- dah la... i have to stop talking... ahahahha... -

snap back to reality

jap3!!!! bfore wasting ur time readin the fucking long post..

im declaring this..

idk wer m going..

and its another constant craps again...

owh...

greattt !

- 2011 - form four - sweet sixteen -

the fray - how to save a life

amalina bru cita to me.. first few days of us chatting in form 1.. meanin i bru mai sini la.. bru ja blek skola.. i tink sejam ja kowt.. n m like awat x wat agama g? kita ada ini itu g.. tu aku bru blek skola tuh...

yeha.. i have to admit.. aku pulun gila kot.. till ewrrr.. half or form two tu habes lah.. ahahha.. yeah pulun.. wat dou expect.. smpai kna ckp aiman stop.. watch tv and take a break.. ahahahha.. funny i knw... homewrk xpna xsiap.. tido aku sntiasa jaga.. xdk eh 4 jam tiap2 ari ka.. tido pun tops 2 kot.. then mkn ikut time.. ahahhaha.. n aku xmerapu ngn choco n icecream.. besa ja.. makan pun time tu xbyk g ah.. but building up.. tu lah.. aku rjen dulu.. ahahhaa.. skang aku xtau la...

so mcm ni la.. do u see wer m going? well act i dont too.. but along the way perhaps il get the key word.. :) i mean.. the key la..

------------- hey rizal can be my pendorong ? hes my dad.. my one n only daddy.. hes eaten more salt n rice.. he knws lotsa stuff... hes safe.. wat cn possibly go wrong ? n i dont have serious issues with him.. i adore him. i admirehim.. i love him.. without even tryin or doing anytin.. wehee..
i so lurve this idea.. :D

so lets look at 2009... trok.. pmr lagi.. study.. tah.. yeah.. truth is.. m not satisfied.. about all... studies la an... i knw i can do better.. tgk la dulu.. im much more better.. the proof is there.. y cant i now...

tgk study lu... mmg esok exam arini bru nk cri buku kowtt.. ada stgh oh xpla.. leave it to god.. apa kes ? igt g dulu.. i igt azri tnya.. i cita kat azri suma.. at least plg trok pun dua minggu bfre exam strt study da.. wic i did la.. n diz yer kot.. azri tnya cna study suma.. m like xstrt g.. hes like bkn dulu ckp kna two wiks bfre ? luk at datttt.. wt happen to me ? n look wt happen to azri ? meningkat.. aiman2.. aku xtau la... tlg ah... ko nk ada duet x besar nnti ? ko nk keja pa bsar nnti ? ko nk nganga ?

then homework..i still do em.. tpi tah.. not satisfying la.. cmpred to dulu... mmg by ptg tuh.. tgk la.. dulu aku mana da tido ptg... mana da crapppppppppppp byk sgt... skng blek2 ja umah xmkn x apa on pc.. dulu by ptg siap dh hmwrk... plg2 pun ada gak ckit mlm.. mke sure siap.. xpna p skola tnpa ckp weh aku xwat g.. ha serious.. btul.. tis year keja aku tiru org nya hmwrk.. mai skola tiru... haih.. so mnydhkan. wtf la.. or x.. jz ckp.. weh aku xwat g.. ah oke. wteva.. fuck gila an...apa nihhhhhh...

then tido aku.. mg.. i igt.. habbit mmg.. tido 4 jam ja.. tu suka dmam n trok tu.. i have to stop.. b tio at leat by 12+ la.. bgn besala school time.. if not pun by 10... eloknya 8+la... skang nih.. aku xtau la my sleepin mcm mana... i really want n need to stop.. pls und that...

mkn... aku xtau.. but eh.. dh byk ari aku xmkn choco or icecream.. weheeee !

so aku fikir la.. next yewar.. dah form four..

things yg kena face..

NEW :

classroom, friends no more the a3 haih puki gila.. ahaahha.. xsuka.. new tcers yg aku xbp minat.. new subs.. erally have to pay att dont play around esp dkt ttn.. i raelly wish i can go ttn yg wer m all alone mcm dulu msn.. aku xd member walaupun aku dok blkg tpi aku wat keja aku phm pa mrlim ajar wel yeah la aku dgr dia ckp pa.. tis year.. hampeh.. aku dok sebok sembang ngn gha la suma.. kne stop..if can.. i wud say to gha we have to stop tlking.. if xley gak.. we stay apart jap. i knw i sound so bad.. but come on.. susah la... und me ? ah watan i xdk prob.. if nk bsg2 pun sat ja ngn bro ka then dah abes..

lagiii errr yeah kita akan lg bz dr dulu.. m tinkin bout koko tho.. ahhhaha.. aku xtau la pa jdi.. nyeah idt next year boley stay anytime all of a sudden i want. spa nk dok ngan ahma an ? tu xpla.. discuss with em later... so kna la jugak i tau.. ink pgkp n volley.. club xtau.. plsla.. active la ckit.. p la men2.. ka... adoi.... tolong ah aiman.. apa nk jadi! + with assignments folio la.. tmbh2 subj bru tuhh... serious.. i have to stop playin around and manage my time like seriously as if m gona die tmrw... ahahahah... xpla.. chill.. tke it ez.. n yeah ptg tuh aft a so call stressful day ahhaah tlg lah cycle ka.. i wish i cn cycle wit pitee slalu.. tpi cm dak ja.. xyah la tu.. cycle ja alone..

so mke sure keja hmwrk tiptop.. tido mkn health kna jaga..

so tu lah.. i have to train frm now.. esp a new femly member is cmg.. na it wont be hard la. but lets prepare for the worse just in case rite... so pls.. i hope u guys und.. like really do..

n yeah.. mmg la.. m not so thtttttttt ok lagi.. it tkes time k.. so pls.. give me time.. il b ok.. i m fine.. i m ok.. n its ok.. oke ? und tht...



so yea.. in tis.. tis comes to the plan la.. disiplin la! kna rajen ! kna ada mood ! xdk mood pun xyah la dok cri nk bgi ada mood ! jgn layan perasaan la man ! use ur fuckin brain !


soo..mula2.. yeah.. enjoy ur life.. if the way u want to enjoy for exmple.. nk kluar.. yes.. its true.. thts y kna slallu kluar go out going plces better travel.. y so? coz ul feel much more open.. lg free.. and the way u tink.. ul have a wider perspective towards anytin.. like seriously.. for ex.. y racism hapens.. coz dpa xp mana.. theyre just stuck in one population ka or no its species or we say klgn depa ja.. tu depa xtau pa.. mix around.. socialize.. talk.. learn.. or just go out n observe.. n just simply enjoy the beauty in life.. aite ? so yeah.. in tis.. i have to learn how to enjy my life.. coz my way n plan of enjyin life will never happen.. ehehe..its ok la.. wat to do rite.. hey at least im stil lucky.. i still have mney.. i have food, shlter. clothing.. wat more do i want to ask..

tu kadang2.. yeah.. slow talk with ur prents.. tell em.. talk to em.. but i rsa cm.. who m i sayin all tis to em ? theyre my prents.. m just a 15 year old kid.. xcukp ka apa dpa bg ? i mean isnt enuf ? u get almst evrtn u want.. but yeah i knw the most ting tht u want mmg xdpt.. but btui la.. stuff tht u relly wnt u wont get it rite ? what more can i say.. yeah... life is never fair.. n n but afterall its nt the end of life..

so i do feel mcm inconsiderate.. n esp if rite now prents are bz n all. xptot la.. aku tau aku kejam.. tpi aku rasa aku xla sekejam smpai mcm tu...

so mcm tah.. bek i jz wat bodo. i tau.. smpai bila kan.. smpai one day la na.. jz forget about jap.. let me recover.. get myself back..

tho yes.. i have to admit.. ive missed hell lot of fun yest.. its fun. its adventurous.. n its sth ive neva been thru.. n wat i want is do sth new.. try new stuf.. adeh.. that is really wat i want. n yes.. they'l never b a trip like tht anymre aite ? so i gz i jz have to wait.. n see la kan.. wile suma org dah feel da.. dah exprience dah.. m alwiz a step bhind frm others.. wat to do.. il live with it.. live with empty well err memories of those.. wile others live with happy n fun memory of those...

hey.. tpi i tgk an.. bes nya dpa.. at least dpa happy.. p sana suma.. thts very nice.. :)

dah.. agk blurr.. hahahaha...

so yeah.. if i xdpt wat tu.. at least.. come on la.. byk bnda dlm dunia g yg boley wat.. maybe others enjoy the other way tho i do want to enjoy the other way.. but i jz cant. so i have to find other ways..msh dlm proses tho.. xpa.. tke it ez.. slow2.. no rushy2 oke ?

dont waste ur time.. stop onlining la.. if ya pun jap ja.. games tu m not really dah. i play em to act release tension.. like rubics.. mcm ni la.. as i sllau ckp.. i alwiz do sth for a reaason.. so mcm tu la.. so rubics n games.. therye ok la.. online ni la.. i have to stop.. its a waste of time.. drpd aku wey jap.. blog ppun.. hahahaha... ok2.. slow2.. take it ez.. so drpd aku dok bzir masa typing2 blabbing away mite as well i go do sth else.. music or my room or rds rite ? its ok bout tht. slow2..

errr lagi ahh.. blur la...

oh yeah... skali aku kata xnk.. aku mmg xnk.. jgn pksa.. jgn push... org xnk xnk la kan.. dh la tu.. susah nk phm ka ? - mum -


i have to keep rminding myself..

You are still alive !

You are not dead !

Do something about it !

app.. i dont really feel suffocated rite now.. fuhhh..

ok dah.. aku mls da nk blog.. wna clean my room up.. its not act cleanin.. its throwing endless craps.. ahhaha.. tu x arrange suma g.. adeh..

xpa3.. slow.. tke it ez.. relax.. enjoy ur life..

:)

future here i come ! pardon me ?

- enjoy wat ur doin

cleaning up... cook...

- just enjoy..

- xyah pk apa2 pun

- just enjoy as it is

- make urself feel good in any posible way

- without touching any matter !


go tell them !
go tell them !
its not as simple as you think !

- i am one step behind.. shes one step forward.. hold on farah ! m on my fucking way ! otw2 ! sabar2... heee :)

- to stand beside together2

- move ahead, dont look back, enjoy life as it is..

- not just words, but sayings. say like u mean it !

- 17th may 2011 dah form five.. driving license !!!!!! weheeeee !

- i have a goddarn fucking post of pixs n all... i think wen i do that, then aft that.. il have a new beginning.. :) of disiplin n form 4.. il write tht laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... the end of it. and that.. pls.. work along with me..

- ya ! busy yang busy ! ;) sory ciplak...

- so il b busying myslf.. doing anytin that i enjoy.. distract myself.. its kinda like a therapy la an.. slowly move along.. smiling.. building up ur + tinking n moving ahead.. n smileee.. :)

i can do it !

freesh air

i knw! bkak tingkap.. hahahah...

WEIRD ASS ! ! !

- bfre i forget.. thank u b.. :) lisened to me n also me crying.. ahahhaha.. n thank u baim.. yeah i knw y ur bros here ? hes funnay ! n made me luff.. he alwiz do.. say thanks to him will u on my behalf ? n farah.. trlalu byk.. iknw the agreement.. n m epy we r tgther in this ! weeheeee..


THANK YOU DEARIES !


dont bother if amalinas spreadin sth.. oke ?!


- y this post seems.. like yeah... resurection.. ha? wat? idk.. hhaha.. i mean cm.. i died.. then bru bgn blek.. oppsie...

yeah.. the only happy thing tht hpnd yest was me camwhoring for 15 mins? with che ches cam.. hahahha.. i dok gelak2.. then rizal kluar tnya y r u luffin? wt pixs r u taking ? m like myself.. he wat muka like wtf? n ckp siao ! that is wat we call siao ! hahahahah.. i knw rizal.. i m so sory..

a k u s a k a i !

u knwwwww.. i knwwww.. i dh lama x blog cm ni an ? x chat cnni an ?

It's getting hectic everywhere that I go
They won't leave me alone
There's things they all wanna know
I'm paranoid about the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?
And why can't anyone see

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live
Just wanna live


- yeah.. what do ppl want from me actually ? sth that i always ask myself...


- u knw.. i dont even knw how i mean the way to rep ppls comments... wtf happend to me ?

escape the fate - something ( this guys choices.. i mean.. kickass mayn !!! respect sama dia ! )

dah la

and seriously.. stop pendoroing.. start self motivation la dey ! its u not others for gods sake !

well yeah.. dont worry.. take it easy.. slow2.. enjoy d changes.. :)

once a georgian, always a georgian

seniors and juniors all gathered here
together we march on without a fear
good will and happiness we want to spread
everydays a challenge
lets go right ahead !

onwards we move towards the light
resolved are we to face the fight ? ? xigt...
giving our best from day to day
if theres a will theres always a way

around the bends of life we have to turn
near and far fond thoughts will always burn

st georges ! st georges !
we'll ever proclaim
honour and uphold you
forever praise your name

st georges ! st georges !
we'll always be true
our dear st georges girls school !




- dlm few weeks ni... dont expect any good or anything positive or anything from me.. oke ? so i would like to apologise... im sorry... im in a very oh so xtau nk xplain state.. weheeee ! :D yeah aku sakai... wuuuuuuuu !!! i may not talk.. i may not respond.. i may not help out.. i may not anyting... ;) -

peanut butterrrrr

- i wonder...
: should i give it a try... to... and my mum lter on someday.......
: what could possibly happen or really happen aite ?
: afer all... yeah its not that m doing sth wrong... ..... is doing it too.... as for mum... idk... but now... jz lterrrrrrrrrrr.... thyre like bz with work.. ahmas cmg.. can life get any better ?so i dont feel like making things worse...

- im still alive... so do sth about it... ur not dead!

- interesting.....

- u already feel like shit.. y not go on? ;)

- use ur fucking brain.....

POP ROCKS . . .

what do u want ?

go to some technician n smbgkn the wire n repair u...

dlm setaun, or spnjg 15 thun ini, berapa kali aku pna tnya can i go out or not ?

all these things i hate

1. hey at least m not so emo mcm dulu


2. hey at least i dont think bout dieing n losing hope n all those like i alwiz do


3. hey at least i can still tink a tiny yinny winny bit of positive stuff


4. hey at least my penknife is not my bestfriend


5. hey at least i can still tink

- all the nice2 stuff yg i nk tulis.. well... cut it short.. i have to b disciplined.. lter la go on.. xdk mood.. n thank u pitee coz tman me.. :) n cut it short im really my dads secretary n i have to read moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee n i learned bout wills.. i mean seriously daddys da bomb.. hahahha.. i mean he tau byk bnda.. tgk la umo dia pun bapa.. nnti la tu...

soooooooooo... jz the thing is... pitee cita la esok the perak ting suma.. m like besnya.. told him to take lotsa pixies n msg me.. hehe.. :)

i brani nk tnya coz i rasa cm.. oh cmon.. i alredy fill likee shit.. so what the fuck rite ? y not make it more an ?

so dr lunch time kot i dh pelik balek.. then 6 tu mmg bengang ah.. coz of the all aiman5!!! xpa ah.. then dinner.. ok... time tu.. sth just crossed my mind.. she knws tht theres this thing called perak trip.. she evn mentioned or me or sth we did talk about it tdi during day time on the way to her office.. she din say a word to ask me wther ur interested or not or anytin at all.. ok.. its ok.. i accept that..


so tadi.. time mkn la.. daddy pun ada.. i jz asked.. maaa... can i go for tht perak trip.. rizal tnya blek bout wat suma..


first ting she said was no.. i xkata pa pun.. i jz tnya boley p x... aku dh agk dah pun la.. aku sja ja tnya.. so dad as usual time cnni dia akn tnya la put in interest..


so tnya la sapa p.. i ckp la pitee adam azneer azim suma p.. so dads like oh so they cn tke care of u la. i said yeah.. then tnya gals sapa p m like atirah pun p tan sha suma geng p.. then like owhh..
dads keep askin pitee p suma..he dok kata ah its ok la pitee is going.. can take care of her..


actually daddy bgi.. ++ pitee lagi dia bg...


aku tau.. she dok kata awwat tnya skang.. mcm mana nk plan.. m like if tnya dua minggu pun wts ur anser.. dia sengap.. pergh la.. xyah dok wat cmtu la..


then dad tnya la bapa org nk p suma n all.. then bus ka apa.. then tnya so how u wana go or not.. m like xpyh la.. if aku p pun aku mmg tau she xcool.. wat keciwa ja.. haahahhah.. so dia tnya g xpla.. dad ckp.. u go la tgk tmrw mrning how.. if got plce u go la.. xdk balek.. i said no la.. xpyhla.. then she boley ckp well both la kata merajuk ah... then he ckp g.. evn if ur mum let u dont wna go.. m like no... ptot ka aku p cmtu?

xpena kalo aku kluar ngn kawan ka pa aku blek umah dlm keadaan aman tau ak? even frens cming over.. nnti sure kata u nnti with ur frens u lupa dunia suma.. fuck la.. slalu ka aku ada member kat umah? slma ni yg aku ngn ang seumur idup aku tu pa? xcukup ka?! aku nk spend ngn org len sat pun xley ka? xley kaaaaaa>?

then mcm tdi.. i tot bole la p cycle ngn pite.. nk exrcise suma.. he mai la.. then mamat nk repair lampu tu pun mai.. mmg tau dia nk mai.. i tot i cn still go out since parents ada kat umah.. dhla kan.. but tgk2 suma dok bising3 then kata la kt pitee xjdi.. soh dia blek suma.. ada rizal nk soh pitee water the plnts.. hahahaha.. naaa. i did it la.. xsggup aku biaq pitee cmtu.. he stayed men kucing suma.. thank u :).. ada member for tht time.. tpi yeah la lpas tu rizal dok bising la suma la.. dok xok3!!! aku smpai bengang gila smpai nk nges xkata pa.. dok kalot apa sgt.. pdhl tgk tdi aku yg first siap nk kluar umah.. haih.. sedey btul.. he dok bising kcg xmkn lagi la nnti nk kluar la.. m like wtf kamu.. aku tau la plants ang.. aku dh water dah.. aku act nk kluar ngn pitee tp i stayed n wtered the plnts.. ang nk pa g? yeah aku tau mana g pntg.. bapak ang ka pitee.. mmg la bapak aku tpi an.. slalu ka pun aku kluar?//

errrr.........

but ini coz m the only one at home.. i love it.. :) heee... tramt sgt,,

so i can imgine la if esok aku p.. dhla blek lmbt.. aku xtau pa nk jdi...



aku benci tau ak if org syg aku sgt2... aku benci.. ni lah mslh aku.. dpt ksh syg terlebey..

cni ah jdi.. sapa g kan if not my mum...

dak eh.. aku xrasa pa.. suma ada.. sket ati.. geram.. marah.. sumaaaaaaaaa la ada... thn ngeh tu jgn tnya la bapa kali.. aku thn smpai skang xley nges da...

so as usual.. nk wt aku sdp ati.. dad ckp esok i keja susah la ckit.. - atirah p, pitee p.. apa sushnya.. - then dia pun ckp xpla u stay at home jg ur mum.. so to speak.. aku nods la sgp ja la..

then dia kta dok cita che che aritu ilang dia tros cancel gold coast suma.. iknw.. i und dat.. he ckp xpla nxt time boley p.. i knw.. i und.. its ok.. no big pun..

then mula la she ckp.. kita nk enjoy sat ja.. - the smbgn is kita kna igt tuhan.. kena igt mati.. bla5.. alim la kan.. sory to say.. aku dh bengang gila.. nseb bek she x smbg.. by dat time i dh blah.. - aku tau la.. xpyh dok ulang.. bilanya aku dpt p trip ngn kwn aku n enjjoy? lpas aku mati ?

slalu cnni an daddy cm nk amek ati ah.. jgn bg sedey sgt..


so dad tnya last time to confirm.. turned to her and ask so ur really not ok with it la? shes like no.. geleng2.. so he ckp ok.. ntg to discuss anymre..

yeah.. mmg ntg pun...


n i ckp la.. stop asking me about it la.. bukan p pun.. i saja ja tnya.. i dont wna go.. i knw its tmrw.. too late.. but i just nk tnya nk tgk ja.. evn i tnya dr dulu lg pun sma ja...

so there u have it.. u guys dok tnya go n try suma.. nak tau sgt.. there u have it.. i tried.. n as i told u.. many5 times.. sama ja.. xdk beza.. smpai aku mti xdk beza.. wat sket ati ja..

n pls.. idc.. dont go n get her phne num n ask her or ask on my behalf.. its thank u very much for ur concern n ur big heart... u can forget about it..

goodnyte...

- let me sleep in peace... -

i wonder..

i seriously do wonder...

the vomitting sickness is back... !

- yeah.. this ting is sth tht i pendam... even if u ask me i wudnt tell u.. il tell u myself when i want to...

m getting lil bit more money frm rizal.. act i got more.. muahaha..

n m using c905!!!!!!!! weheeeeeee ! but wen mum wants it bec of coz i have to give it bec..

m gona clean my room up... :)

errr.. yeah.. i do wish i can wear skirts n dresses.. boring la pakai jeans all the time.. nk beli tpi mum wud b like bla3.. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... i will wear it coz thts sth that i really want n i like n i chose it myself.. not the rest yang u bot it for me without telling me n i dont even like it.. yg i xminat. n u bising... come on.. idl it.. u expect me to wear it.. ? errr.. na of coz i wudnt.. i rather wer the same goddarn pants tht i like..

yeah.. skali ni p pg.. aku bdk bek.. dinbuy anitin man.. :) well i want to buy ada tumbler.. ahahahah... ive been begging my mum evrytime i tgk the bottle.. yg comey2 nya designs tu.. so yest she ckp ok ah u can buy.. time tu dkt living quarters.. limited choices.. so next time p parkson m gona get it.. wehe...

then yeah lotsa household stuf.. pots n pans those stuf.. i like em.. hahaha.. the very canggih rice cooker.. blender.. cake mixer.. al those.. yeah i suka.. ahhahaha.. then il ask bout fud la how they do it n all.. n yeah.. dulu yeah la.. dulu i xpna tnya pun.. then now i tnya my mum really responds to me.. ahahhaha... she'l tell me a lot n all.. i like tht.. :)

bout food n cooking la i mean.. heee....

m bord.. nak transer lagu n m done...

clean up the room... n sleeep... tmrwwww another long day again.. clean up dkt bwh tu... n rizals helpin along.. ahahahha.. pecah kepala otak aku.. adeh...

pitee jz told me sth.. ahahahha.. yeah again.. ahhahahahahaha... xdk ah.. aku ja gelak trlebey..

haihh... byknya org yg aku mis.. n i wish i can hang out with em again like how i used to... talk to em.. luff with em n all those.. sobz...

n... tdi.. blek2 umah.. for sure.. bukak laptop lu.. usha sana sini..

then i realized sth..

how i really2 wish i can go out.. n the feeling of realy3 wana goo out is like omg..

hahahaha...

jz go out n not being in the hse ok.. go out with swetthearts...or just anyone.. just go out.. not with mum.. not with dad.. mcm at gurney.. i was kinda feelin like haih... how i wish i can go out with someone else.. buying stuff.. strolling around at the mall.. hug tht someones arm or hold hands or pull their shirt.. crapping al the way thru..

haih... how nice...

- keep on dreaming baby !!! -

aanymore?

lets see what i have to do

have to pay bills

check on tht astro n cancel it and all those

get a new astro package perhaps

dl some shitz installer for the fax, hopefully it can print

scan stuff for rafael n mail him sth

oh yeah then retype a letter

check bank acc.. shaites...i hate this one.. coz i got no fucking idea bout banks..

and set aside money to bank in

clean my room

oh yeah..

thats all..

weeheee... :)

so id like to say..

Anymore ???

idk actually where i wana go or what i wana do..

wuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu !

babyshambles - you talk !

my life, my way, go away ...

m off to pg... earphones all the time in my ears.. ;)

goodbye fb... goodbye bs...

il miss you...

- apa yg i x miss nya? -

adeh......

:)

sooo...... ari ni... ok ah... daddy blek da... :) weeeee.... he looks kinda tired tho

soooooooooo... tdi dinner... yeah food again... ive been tinkinla.. if la i suka mkn sgt3... i beta knw more bout food n how to cook n kenala pandai masak an... bru la chun.. :) apa2 aku boley masak seniri!!!!! weeeeeeeeeee! i knw i can pass in spaghetty carbonara alredy !!!!!!!!!! wuhu !!!!!!!!! boyueah ! high five !!!!!!!!! ngeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D aku syoookkkkkk... gila3...... smpai pinggan hamper pecah coz nk ltak spagety tu dlm my dads nya pinggan... heheheheh....

so ada fruit salad, beef steak, was a bit tough ptot masak lbey lama g... brocoli n potato steamed... n mushroom sup coz lbihan of carbonara... n yeah spagety carbonara !!!!! heeeee

u tau... blek2 ja rizal... so whilst dok potong buah la nk wat salad tu dia pangge.. ok la xpla... dia soh aku pnjt nek dlm booth truck tu... ok al.. xpla.. aku pnjat la.. aku pnjt2 tgk dlm tu... laaaaaaaa... orkid che che... aku mcm ha xpla... so tlg la kluarkan utk dia suma... lama gak ah aku dok lam tu... dgn bju yang aku pkai... aku seriously nmpk mcm pndtg haram yg diseludup melalui bonet keta.... hahahahahah... like seriously.... m like... wt if... pitee mai cycle ka member aku mai lalu ka.. mati aku... huhu...

sooooooooooooooooooo.... byk yg aku nk ckp tpi lupa dah.. ahahha.. spagety carbonara... m epy tht i cukd it.. heee.. so mula2... kita sautekan hotdog! n bwg putih.. of coz a bit burnt.. ehehehhe... bwg tu pun trbkr.. ckit ah.. thank god.. dhla terada air... dh la dok pop5!!! aku mcm omg ! i tink satu lguna boley dgq aku dok bising.. ahhaha..m like ha ltak ni.. ah ltak tu.. cheese... no2 tis is wrong.. dont put dat.. ahahha.. althose.. n yeah ada milk a bit lam tu.. then err... yeah mula2 an time wat tuh mmg agk dah it was a disaster !!!!!!!!!! like seriously ! then abe ssuma i rasa2 ckp laaaaaaaa.. its not tht bad aft all... jz ptot add mushroom cz xdk then err diff types of hotdogs then ltak seasoning n pepper if can also cream bgi ada kuah g n much more creamier n yeah lotsa cheseeeeeeeeee n parsley n those herbs... n yeah udg or shrimp ka yg kcik2 yg direbus... just tabur on top.. sdp.. i knw.. next is seafud spagety.. i tink simple.. with olive oil, seasoning, ring onions, herbs n tada... n yeah the seafood n we r redy to eat !

ok m so into cookin.. hahaha.. not so la tpi i feel mcm bes la masakk.. n its kinda rlaxin n epy.. n go to : ! ! !

www.cooks.com

muahahha.. bes gilerrrrr.... but yeah mum xminat sgt carbonara since ada hotdog...u knw aku hepy gila act yest mum dcided nk bli hotdog, hahahaha.. n nk wat carbonara suma... weeeeee :D

next is to make salad... plain natural taste salad ada la tu nnti crik.. n desert... errr nnti ah nk wat.. tu xyah wat pun.. jz beli fruits dlm tin... get whipped cream n tah.. i tink tu ja then just mix n thts dessert... its kinda nice... xtau la apa yg besnya... but the cream an n the fruits ah chnge the tin fruits to fresh fruits n get the cream on.. its like neutral yet nice n a bit sweet.. but kinda plain.. can add like dang.. idk y but thinkin of rose essence... mum says xle boh byk coz nnti pelik.. jz one drop.. idk y but i thot of tht.. oh my..

m i into cooking too much ?

i thot xsmpt nk masak since sam mai.. n yeah the deskktop is gone so as the printer.. smpat gak.. dad says kna concentrate one by one dulu... so act an.. western is wayyyyyyyyy easier n simpler la.. stgh xyah masak pun xpa.. just mix3 n ur done... cooolll..

but seems like mum xbpa nk chun western.. well some ja.. so idk y but i have tis idea... i mcm nk blja ja nk masak at least each of everyones fave dish.. wuhu !

lek ah aiman... ko bru ja lepas carbonara tu.. xperfect pun g.. goreng tlor tah terbakar pa...


hozair just called me.. i have a bigggggggg mission in my life ! n tis! i hereby sayin n pls i need u guys help in tis... ni lter... its about ahma n f4 life.. n so on... weeeeeeeeeee :D yeah m kinda happy bout tis... :)


o klah.. aku cukup xsbr nk ckp pasai ni.. hahahah.. u see.. ok.. 5th nov m off to jb.. and 8th it seems mai blek... means.. yeah.. ahma mai ! :) ....

m kinda excited... u knw.. at least m not alone anymore.. ada someone.. esp tis is my one n only granma left n one n only from the chinese femly.. n plg chun aku rapat ngn org yang aada pertalian darah dgn aku.. my ahma.. :) n i can be close with her..

can u imgine... now at last bnda yg dia masak i can makan! heeeeeeeeee... coz i igt g.. kt jb aritu.. pg la.. she mkn breakfast dpn tv... mee grg.. mak aih... aku dh la lapaq.. then dhla bau sdp.. bengong gilaa... my air liur like meleleh... sdp gila kowt.. aku tingin sgt nk mkn.. tpi aku tgk jala.. hahahah.. but she xmkn the pieces of ciken.. bg kat doggy.. so sini.. aku lah doggy nya... ahhahaha.. il mkn ja la wey... then yeah astro satu lagi.. n yeah! dramas!!!!!!!!!!! then sure my dad dok pokpek2 cina i pun tumpang nk phm ah..

didi !!!!! i need ur helpp... so tht i can communicate easier with ahma.. can o not ? ;;) ehehehe... n yeah dads training me on how to talk to ahma.. i mean... shes not use to my style of talking.. n seriously.. aku kna tukar.. coz aku jnih suka merapu, mumble, swallow my words.. ckp laju suma tu.. susah.. so now.. kna ckp pelan2.. clear2.. lembut2... tpi clear2... n slowwwwwwwwww.... so il call her evry other day wen i free wic mmg aku dok freee giler2.. till next yer.. so il call her chichat jap.. talk2...

n its fun la.. to have someone else kat umah.. now not 3 anymore.. but 4.. :) ok thts not odd.. :) nice to hear.. n dads like hes tinkin... instead of mum tking care of ahma.. its actually terbalek.. ahhhaha.. coz mums much more prone to sickness instead of ahma.. i cn see tht... hahahah.. shes not senile man.. she can stil crack jokes.. can stil rmb.. just she mcm jalan tu slow ja la n weak.. tu ja.. dang... chun gila...


n patience.. :) shes ahma oke?


half2..

the other half mcm xsuka.. tkot pun ada... u seee... again la... aku sorang ja kat umah ni.. another big responsibility tht i have to do.. mula2 my mum.. like td pg.. bgn 6+ shes like my pressure is high.. pulse rate is high.. aku bengang jap la.. coz y la in evrtn.. ni mmg i cnnt do anytin n cant run away n i have to face it.. walau apapun aku akn msh be alone.. no i mean... im the one la.. the only one ! mcm td la.. dad dhla xdk.. aku dhla stai boley bwk keta if at all..so susahla.. if apa2pun la.. msti aiman here aiman there.. sumaaaaaaaaaa aiman.. so apa2 pun smpai ke mati suma akan aiman5 ! xpla.. nk wt cna...

n yeah.. bykkkkkkkkkkkkkk chges.... wic u knw aku lmbt nk cope with chnges.. but i tink tis will coz i kinda like it so it wont be a so such a big deal.. plus with the help of siblings n sweethearts n my mind tinkin + n stuff keepin me going.. i can do it.. :)

the chnges tu i cnt really see it but its there la.. it wont be so bad. but things are bound to happen.. bd tings.. i knw.. soo i really have to cope up with things n get along...

but so far so gud... thank god.. i really hope it goes well tis way...

ok.. the probnya.. xyah la cita.. just dad... mum... n thts all..

so parents sure bz nya... sapa g kat umah kalo bkn aku yg nk mlyn ahma.. nk mke ahma heppy. help her around. kip her company.. n i really have to teman her time ujan.. shes not cool with thunder.. its ok ahma.. :) so yes... my time wil be given to ahma... tho mcm ugh ja tpi i rasa i have to do tht...

so dont expect me to online sooo much anymore.. i have really better tings to do such as being with ahma... tho idk la.. but its way better tht way.. dont u think ? so il have to try...

i really have to plan... like ok la.. mybe one hr online + games + updates... then i more for hse stuff ka.. one more nk memasak ka.. then maybe extra more for readin feedin infos.. and so days wont be so packed but filled with stuff.. n so i really have to tc of myslf n prevent frm getting sick soooo often. .in tis i need gud diet, exrcise n sleep.. so tlg.. i have to eat rite.. sleep enuff.. n exrcise... sleeeppppp...

n games... bek i men skang... games i knw.. errr.. xpa.. enjoy wile u can.. :)

oh n yeah.. tho i din cycle... buttttttttt.. i watered the plants... wuhu.. dgn agk rela atinya...weeeheeee.... keep it up aiman.. yeah.. pats on my head.. heheh

oh yeah.. my diet... hahahha.. tht.. thumbs down ! boooooooooooo ! jap... hold on eh.. i wud liek it to be one by one :)


so in tis.. i have to stay well sabar.. +... strong.. be a big gal.. tink wisely.. be smart.. use ur brain all the time.. dont be silly n stupid... grow up la! be much more responsible... n dont hope for blsn at all ok...wat dgn hati trbuka... hati yg ikhlas.. give more... expect less..

aft all... yeah daddy ckp.. mmg shes gona die here.. n i freaked out like hell sat la kan... thn hes like its ok.. dont worry.. u dont have to be scared.. yes in death n all thos stuff mmg m scared n not used to it.. coz ppl yg aku close xpna si lagi... yg aku tau pun arwah paksu tu pun xrapat... ni my grnma... sur eaku rasa aku sedey trok gak ah... dhla ni mmg nk rapat an.. adeh...

xpe la.. keep moving on.. :)

so it happens, nnti creamated dkt btu gntong.. since sng la old place suma tu... n ashes wud b it jb... there... ah kongs place also...


yeah... its act tanggungjwb yg besar...

adeh pulak dah aku blurr.. ahahahha...

yeah.. f4 life tu.. nnti la.. all i knw.. its semi new life.. ahahhaha... bykkkkkkkkkkkk chnges again.. new subs... al thoswe.. get into tht later.. m kinda tired d.. deh.. nk tido.. then esok xnk la bgn lmbt sgt.. help round perhaps or clean my room up... errrr... think... heee.. :)

yeah man... i did not cat nap.. weheeeeeeeeeee.....

so act.. bykkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk lagi aku nk type.. like byk g... tpi aku dh ngntowk.. so xley nk tulis lagi.. sobss...

so yeah... dah.. aku blur.. xnk force my brain out...

so oh wells... i stil have yet to upload pixies... n tht an... mcm2 aku akn cerita... ahaha... nt nw la.. nnti2..

:)

mona lisa

evrtn will b okay

:)

lovey dovey

do u realize tht skola tinggl mcm sbulan ja g.. then xdk dah form 3.. xdk dah 3a3.. xdk dah suma member yg dok since form 1.. xdk dh cg lower form...

i bru nk kata... cptnya kita membesar... ahahahhahahahahha.. but xjdi... u get the msg? ahahhahahahah

soooooooooo... aku tau psepa aku dok wayar sgt smlm.... mmg gilerr... n patience.. mmg cbr ksbrn btull.. mula2 smlm aku nganga tunggu dinner... oke xpa... dhla aku dpt mknan len... ok la.. xpa.. aku dh cukup lm bek tunggu xtmpaq waitress yg mcm ugh tu.. ok dah la.. aku mkn.. then xtau aku tension gila thp siyot sat.. .then off awal dok ats kateyl with blame it n rubics.. ok lah tu.. i was ok blek... just xle acept yg trpksa p skola la.. - dang evn now m like unstble.. st cni st cmtu... cibai btui... - ok xpla... tu awai gila aku dh tutup lmpu suma..

then i realised.. awat aku nk tido awl sgt. yeah la sket kpla.. tpi still.. aku tido kol brpa pun buknny ap skola study.. p lena pun xpa... n il stil end up in school wteva it is an.. so i tried the wireless la.. cibai gila xboley.. dont ask me how many times i said fuck... like bykkkkkkkkkkk gilaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... then i was like... xtau la.. silap2 aku blg pa modem tu ngn laptop.. so i gave up... locked myslf in my rum n shushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhed ! kalo x.. xtau...

sooooooooo.. mmg... bgn pagi... aku nk ngeh.. wt prngai xmau bgn xmau mandi xmau apa.. just wish cud skip again n p tido blek.. but i managed to overcome my prngai budak kecik n mndi n got dressed n ended up in schooll.. stillw ith the feeling of wnting to cry n kept on sayin i cnt bliv m in school.. hugd almost suma yg slalu hug n menagih simpati.. ahahhahahahahha... mula2 sha then tan then ezza then amalina then yash kot.. byk g.. ahahahhaha...

sedeyh2.... sobs....

pstu aku dok gila ah... ahahahha.. then lama2 slow3... xpla tu.. the dadah wsnt tht bad la..

dont do drugs... they wont do any good to u...

kitalah ank bgsa... ahahahhaha i like dt mamat... mcm chun ja brsmbg ngn dia...


i miss my dad.. hahaha.. xla miss.. just mcm... lama gila xjmpa dia xnmpk dia suma... xpa2.. esok dia blek..

same goes to jeevan.. mg.. now i realised how much i missed him... haiyoo... next year dia xdk dah... lama gila xckp ngn dia suma.. haiyoooo... sobs...

n byk lg la aku miss.... xxpergh2...


aku blur.. .hahhahha...

errr... blek umah... mkn.. tdo... mkn.. kucing.. tesco.. mkn.. skang..

u see how mny mkn in it ? shit la

start dieting...

plssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.....

n great la kan.. tf aku bru mkn chis... adehhhhhhhhhhhh,,

i want cheese cke...

i want my fren to finish soon.. i hate unstableness..

- even if im normal... m alwiz unstable... oh wat the fuck.. -

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... aku nk tido.........

n tdy..... yeah.... aku xgila men game sgt dah... i jz sat wtchd tv n tidoooooooooooooooooo...

- how fuckingly boring is tht ?!!? -

tah.. bila nk men game.. extreme herder or gtr geek.. mcm kalah merapu gila... my concentration is gone.. i cant focus la wey.. n thts sick.. n it sux !

i neeed my concentration back !

oh n yeah... idwth hapend to me la of coz kan.. td b4 p tesco i tg mcm my hair wavy mcm ok ah so syg nk ikat.. but gila la kan aku xikat an... so i ikat like... u kwn bdk kindy. yeah.. ikat dua kat bwh tu... n i went to tesco.. ahahahhaha.. go on.. u cn luff ur ass out.. dhla aku pkai pink... mg! xpla... aku umoq 8 ! :P !

serious wey.. aku xtau nk wat pa..

esok dh la bgn awal.. aku nk tido.. nk peace... aahhahah.... adehhhhhh ! serious ! tido !

yeah... there will b lotsa chnges... no comments yet for now bout it... n yeah those cute badges.. or idk la wt.. lter il post the pics.. aku dok nganga pilih lama gilaaaaaaaaa bbnda tu. ahhahaha. smpai kakak tu dok trgelak.. i knw.. m such a kid.. with a hair like dat.. lgiiiii la....

what the fuck is happening ?

i wonder la kan...

wat would happen if i were to say that to that person ? apakah riaksi.... ? beliau.... adakah riaksinya akan sama spt aku ? atau pun sbliknya ? sudah smstinya aku tau aku ada byk crita mcm tu... tp... xperghh... :)

oke dah... yawns... strechhh.. my bed... songs...

peace...........

tpi burung terbang..

there will be no meaning of life...

- sory... ciplakk..hehehe...

kill the kitty

squid... weird... me... clingy... funnay...

akhirnya aku tlh cuba gak utk blog.. ini mmg merapu giler okey?

ok... pasepa ni.. tau ak.. dr pg tdi.. bgn2... fb.......... dok men gameeeeeeee ja.. seriously i feel so stupid.. like some kind of retard.. y? coz m not doing anitin beneficial or anytin smart like some input infos somesort.. id even knw wats apenin to the world since the news reporter from cnn aka rizal is not here so i dont hear him blabbing away bout wats apenin around the wurld.. adeh.. shaitee... then errr yeah the only reason i p fb coz men game.. i have to stop ! !

so bgn fb.. cats.. fb.. mkn.. fb.. mkn.. now..

so its 507 la.. few mins ago tdi.. well i mkn icecream tdi coz my mum blek so hang round kat bwh japp... so of coz.. i mkn icecream then dok mkn la apa3 crap atas meja tu.. then all of a sudden aku rasa cm oh hfuck.. hahahah.. n i said to my mum ma i have to go.. i cant stay here.. - i was siting at the kicen tble la wer dpn tu tgk la mkanan pa an.. - coz if i keep sitting there.. i keep putting stuff in my mouth.. so mums like drink lotsa water.. if ur hungry go n eat fruits.. frankly i slept with an empty stomch last nite.. hahaha.. dak la. agk lapar ja. sobs.. then she said u have to tc of ur diet.. stni ul put on weight.. dhla stni berbulan2 nk dok umah...



oh yeah fuck ! u get the thang bro/sista ?!


dhla stni berbulan2 nk dok umah...


lu ada phm mksud dia pa... well aku xckp pa la..i was just luffin away n yeaha aha2.. mcm tu ja...
ci bai... hhahahah...xplaaaaaaaaaaa....

okey2... aku tau.. dh lama giler aku xblog.. coz tiap2 kali nk blog.. tah.. m just bothered by stuffs.. che che its ok d.. i mean... done.. cremated.. ashes at pantai lido... ahma is most prbably very hy posib stayin here with us.. its ok.. at least m not left all alone at home n theres someone at home la so il b much more well... beradab n bersopan n berakal.. muahahha.. get me?

smack me man !


then err... ok... td la kan... i cnnt go on la.. hahahah.. i cnnt go on like tis... dr pg bgn dok dpan laptop men game... i have to stop... coz i cn just imgine myself till next week la.. bpk bengong gila... oh yeah.. i knw.. now i have the time on my own.. my own time.. kan aritu pmr mcm shit now xdh.. then next week or startin friday ni start blek.. most prolly il b bz muvin here n there n helpin out a lot.. so xpla.. walaupun aku rasa cm babi gak ah skang nih but its time for my ownself.. so use it !

so errr.. em... yeah.. new ruling.. pc till 12am ja.. xpla.. at least i can still use it an.. idm..its oke.. just an.. tah...

manusia2 disekeliling aku slalunya on time ptg2 or mlm2.. time2 tu la mak aku dh ada kt umah.. n time2 tu la aku nk online aku nk ckp.. she'l be like bla5... ok la.. xpla.. aku tau.. the whole day aku dh dok ngn laptop.. but tell me la.. ang nak aku wat pa g... aku stai dok kat umah ngn 10 org an.. stai dok kat umah ngn org yg aku boley ckp an.. adeh...

just tell me about it...

tension ah.. geram.. pstuh ugut ckp nk p antaq umah ustzah mana.. antaq la.. pa2 jadi mlm2 ka pa ka jgn pangge aku.. aku xdk kat umah.. jaga diri seniri ah k.. oke3??

and then.. yest ah.. ok.. aku sms.. ok la.. aku tau.. aku sms byk gila... tpi an... haih.. wt else u nk aku wt.. u alredy took the lappy daytime... aku dh xley on9.. ok la.. xpla.. too much lappy.. oke3.. its ok.. butyah la i had to sleep.. sket pala.. xpla tu.. just i nk sms suma.. aihh... aku dhla x p skola.. aku tau.. spa soh x p an.. phobia la wey.. dh x p skola.. umah stai ada org.. then aku nk tgk tv aku bkn kaki tv.. then slalunya pun nk tgk ah mula ah aiman tis aiman tht.. f la kan.. then haih..

aku tension ah.. hahaha.. cm xbapa nk ley thn ah.. mcm.. aiyoooooo... but xpa... theres alwiz stuffs to do.. eventho its not the stuffs that u wana do.. heeee...

:)


soxpla... aku rasa aku cukup bek.. nk kata aku chat ngn strangers xlgsung.. suma member2 aku knai... sms suma member2 aku.. ms fb suma member.. suma dia tau punya... nk kata aku jnih suka kluaq bila la aku kluaq.. aku rasa aku cukup bek.. x curi2 kuar umah.. ang kluar gate umah p keja aku pun kluaq la p mana2 aku nak.. aku xpnah buat oke... i bek.. aku dok kat umah.. dok men game.. sit on the floor in front of the laptop.. ok l atu an...

yeah.. the perak ting.. next wed.. idk ler... tgk la cna.. if pun la evry breath i take n i say aku boring.. aku xtau nk wat pa kat umah.. its still not gona help.. dpa tau aku boring thp cipan smpai nk mati pun.. soooooooooo... rite???

tell me udk a boring face... wuhuuuuuuu....

okey dah... aku mls...

blink2.... lets have cheese cake...

"_"

- adkh aku ni trok sgt ?

standing in the rain

jamie foxx - blame it

believe it or not.. im dling intuition his 2008 album.. muahhaah.. dont ask me wat happen la kan..



i just want to see you

when you're alone

i just want to catch u if i can

i just want to be there when morning light explodes

on ur face it radiates i cant escape

i love you till the end

i just want to tell u ntg u dont want to hear

al i want is for u to say

why dont u just take me where ive never been b4

i know u want to hear me catch my breath

i love you till the end

i just want to be there when ur caught in the rain

i just want to see u luff not cry

i just want to feel u when the nite puts on its cloak

im lost for words n all i can say is

i love you till the end

:)



i have quite a lot to say but ij dk wat to say

- i wana blog but its just shaite... dk where to start.. dk the words....

:)

goodbye

good nite

have fun ppl

n i lurve gtr geek !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tq ! vmc !

i fell asleep with the lights on

will u buy me a cheese cake ? any cheese cake from secret recipe as long as its nice and its cheese cake...


will u buy me lots n lots n lots n lots n lots n lots of chocolates ? errr all sorts.. from smarties, kit kat, ferrero rocher, milky bar, nougat, milo, hersheys, any kind of chocolate that is nice...

will u buy me lots n lots n lots n lots n lots of candies/sweets ? from skittles, sour scoox, fascini creatables, lollipop, bublegum, chewing gum, gummy bears, jelly beans, any kind of candie that is nice...

will u buy me lots n lots n lots n lots n lots of icecreams ? from magnum, apple sourz, haagen dazs, baskin robbins, any kind of icecream that is nice...


m going tmrw.. tho phobia tau ak.. n il bring the gtr along..

adehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

ijdk wat to do...

i hope.. i wish.. i survive tmrw..

i hope. i wish.. i can even make it thru the nite..

at all...

hahahah


i havent heard one thing u have said

this whole time u were talking

i was to busy picturing u dead


i can barely breathe rite now..

errr... emm.. i hope evrtn goes wel..

dang.. m yawning..

ok good.. at least i can sleep n get up tmrw..

urgh...


sooo.. if u ask me whats up.. idk how to xplain or to say la.. its jz.. tah.. idk...

sooo.. nti2 lama2 tau la tu... just idk wat to do or say rite now..


i xtau la esok..


dahla.. nk mkn.. nk tido..

hey im aliveeeee...

but i feel like im dead...

muahahah...

peace...

out....

i say hey ! hey ! hey !

and so...

i feel.. im falling to pieces..

or i already have ?

or am i still ?

do i still have em at all ?

and so...

will u do me a favour ?

u see..

ive lost the pieces..

idk where it went..

or the last time i saw it..

and so...

will u do sth for me ?

will u pick it up and keep it for me ?

just for awhile..

and when the time comes...

will u give it back to me ?

my missing pieces..

or better..

wil u do this for me ?

will u pick the missing pieces up..

from wherever uve seen it..

n mend it back for me..

in any possible way..

solve it like jigsaw puzzles...

will u ?


- word ; vomit



m bord la wey... dey.. n u knw.. m kinda addicted to games d.. aih.. pergh ! n u knw...

aku xtau nak kata pa . . .

the end..

slmat tinggal..

slmat tidur..

sour scoox dreams.. ahahha.. i mean fascini creatables dreams okey ???

- wuhuuuuuu -

yawns...... another tragically boring day tomorow tht wud be filled with phone calls, sound of organ or guitar, or neopeting or minicliping . . . or simply we say... wasting time . . .

oh dang.. get a life mannn.. get a grip !

oh so.. m gona stay at home.. smile.. n pretend im ok n i lurve my life n im not bord.. n im not bothered by anitin at al.. n say.. tis is the life tht i want ! im living z life ! im living my life that i want! wuhu ! im livin it bebeh ! i ammmmmmmmm !

- i sound psycho.. i knw.. prolly coz i got my ear pressure balanced back tis morning after i swallowed my saliva.. n i dont need to take meds anymore.. so im psycho.. oh yeah.. i can still take oxy-nase.. wuhuuuu...

- akibat xmkn ubat.. aiman jd wayar overrr terlebeyy worr... owhh... esok xpegi gym.. huhu...

oh yeah.. esok aku tido tepi telephone umah...

il survive ! i wil survive ! im a survivor !

plastics...

ewww... tht sound so retardayddddd...

ur kind hearted, loveable, very2 cute, smetimes make me wana snugle u, coz ur jz so cute,, geez.. r u even human ?

nooo.. m a werewolf !!!!!!!!!! awuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu !


what

the

hell

is

happening

?



iiiiiii...

aiman dah haywire

limewire

mp3 rocket !

so u see wat happened to me ?

muahahha...

at 311 am.. rizal bru kluar bilik.. nseb bek dia x tmpar muka aku.. so i have to go soooooooo soooonnn.. faints....

oh dang...


snowflakes..

cornflakes..

m hungry..

muahaha...

wey. trixies we call it? dang.. koko crunch.. honey stars.. n yeah.. prebiotic wildberries.. hahahah.. perghh...

help...

needed...

oh...

dang...

faints...

mad bomb !

tick tock tick tock..

and then...

BAM !

VIVA LA BAM !

bolloq...

i lurve tht.. haahahahha

errr...

mmm...

errr....


snap it la dey....

abehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

suicidal hate

bla3

i just dont know what to do right now . . .

can i go out ?

especially times like this right now . . .

- oh yeah.. perhaps m not going to gold coast..

story...

errr... got a phone call tdi pg.. it says.. heloo.. saya kopral rosli hamdan disini.. adakah kamu kenal ronsan tan ?

m like.. oke.. wat the fuck ?

my uncle.. erm.. went fishing.. sth happen to the engine on the way bec i guess n so ada storm.. and so u see the picture.. tpi body dia xfound g.. sooo tpi dh 12 hours dah la..

so ahma.. shes all alone there.. adeh.. so dads going to jb la. idk la wen.. but asap kot.. idk.. might go might not go.. if he receives a call.. he'l go to mersing..

n so offhand gold coast bye2.. xpla tu..

adeh..

ok and so ahma xtau che che g.. just thot sth apen to his car somesort.. adoi...

pray to god.. ntg happens to ahma..

may god bless che che...

errr.. idk wat to say la na.. mmm..

bye2..

and so i wish i was dead . . .

Oh

And

Yea

So

talk show on mute.. fastforwarddd...

soo.. cuti2 ni la... wt do i have in mind.. no guarantee any of em will be done.. huhu !

1. musicccccccccccccccc ! musickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ! guitar n organ n upgrade to piano.. helpppp... il try.. :)

2. read aiman read !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah skang dh xstudy aku mcm xtau nk wat pa.. cm bodo.. cm xdk info.. xdk input.. dang.. sooooooooo.. read la man... baca la wiki ka novel ka rd ka papers ka.. anytin... read !!!!!!!!!!! facts man !!!!!!!!!!!!

3. cooking.. hhahaha.. xstart g yg tu.. tu... mcm ... weekends ah wen prents around.. n one ting.. yeah i knw i lurveeee to eat.. but kan.. rjennya aku nk msk.. muahahha... nvm...

4. errr... yeah sth to do for sports.. initial idea was football.. tpi2 aku fikir blek.. gabai gila kot.. so xpyh la.. soccer out.. err.. cycle ataupun swimming ja.. aiyooo... wat else can i do rite... ? tringin nak skateboard.. mepek ah tu...

5. errr..wt else.. do sth to my room ! evrtn bout it.. throw the books n half of ur craps aaway.. lapangkan ur room so then ur minda pun akan lapang.. fuhh... n yeah i so wish i can rearrange redecorate the room.. english style mau? hahahah.. xyah ah... modern empty wite lapang cukup ah.. i so wish i can push the bed to the other side.. but then rizal wud b like i cant open tis window bla3... haiyooo.. father.. tlg ah... oh yeah black n witee...

6. drawing? writing? oh yeah.. grafiti... adoi... lama gile dh xwat.. last time i tried.. ended up like shit.. pergh... keep tryinnnnn...

- unholly confessions rox ! -

yet... dah.... wuuuuuuuuuuuuuu !

7. oh yeah... wardrobe... my bju.. have to give away sort out all sorts la.. adeh.. alamari2 tu.. aiyoo.. xpa2.. u got like more thn two months isit? some sort la...

8. my eatin habits.. i have to do sth about it... stop eatin chocos.. have to tc of myself.. stop falling sick.. oh yeah get my air pressure balanced beck.. perghhhhh ! so yeah. stay healthy mostly... oh gawd...

9. sleeping habbits.. td pun tgk my muka dia kata.. suka tido lambat an.. m like great la.. wtf.. even my hairstylist ckp cm tu.. aighhhhhhhhhhhhh... so errr.. ermmm.. its better to start the day kinda early dont u tink.. ltest by 9+.. wuhuuuuuuuuuuuuu

smoke on the water

10 . i shudnt put tis.. but oh wells.. neopetin n games.. tho its not beneficial except for releasin tension n not payin att to the wurld for a mo..

- theres a reason for almost everytin n anytin i do.. complicated iknw to und.. i dont expect anyone to und pun.. evrytin i do.. theres a reason bhind it.. huhu.. such as.. music.. gtr.. study.. chocos.. fud.. sweets.. cycle.. cats.. games.. n lots more.. ada paham?

oke dah.. i feel so malas.. i wonder wat il b doing tmrw.. helping mum of coz.. swalowing pills.. then er.. yeah.. waste timeeeeeeeee ! weheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !

staind - so far away

share everythin we must.. so i...

so i...

i have a mission.. well yea kot..

sooooooooooooooooooooo.... long day.. kinda... mm.. i have mums papers to mark.. lterrrrrr...

mrning bgn 9+ or 10+ god knows.... bgn mkn laptop3 then kna mndikan whitey... shes backkkk ! last nite b4 goin for dinner she cme running n screaming like a crazy woman.. ahahha.. well shes ok no wounds watsoever just not s wite s b4.. hhaha.. n thin n lite.. dad ckp her backside gone.. yeah she got no ass man... xpa2... feed her she'l be fat again... almost two wiks... huhu.. thank god.. :)

so whilst waitin for my dad to bla3 o decided to play organ.. its been collecting dust.. so 15 mins of cleanin it of.. so maen la.. the whole day m just music.. well yeah my organ skills have deteriorated.. idk wther thts correct spelling or not.. to lazy to look up for it.. i maen pun x smooth n is it we call stanza? or wth la kan i kna practise bapa puluh kali.. tu pun nt perfect.. haih... sobs... nvm.. prctise2... jz prctise like hell wic seems like i will.. coz wen i play i rasa cm relaxed..

then ptg tdi pun i was well do we call it recklessly? idk la aku men gtr mcm org gila.. aku wat bising satu umah.. mum gave me a look tht days.. ohh i give up.. n yeah.. i kept on playin, mkin noise round the hse.. oppss.. wayar jap.. sory to burden u with my not perfect gtr n organ.. m sorry.. but let me just be tis way for a wile wile i can..

n so aftre whitey i went to spaaaaaaaaaa ! dang... sukaaaa.. aft abes spa tu i mcm mabok.. hahaha.. high gila.. so sleepy.. i was so comfy till i was tht way.. very selesa... so mum took my mp4 n phone away.. m like wwattt??? shes like forget bout ur phone all those.. just close ur eyes n relax ur mind.. m like watttt?!!! she left the room..

sooo.. we started of with rendamin ur legs with luke warm water n salt.. then momemnt i was like waaaa... bes gilerr... is way nicer and better than eating chocos n sweets u knwww... so5 way5 so much fcking better... so niceee..

then get on the bed.. milk somesort on ur face... cleans the dirt of.. then the peeling.. dey.. emmm its ada steam so tht ur pores akn trbukak.. then shes kinda like shoving a knife on my face to tke out whiteheads blackheads on my face.. hahahaha.. dak la shove.. sth kinda sharp la dok picit2.. sket gak ah.. but aft wat ur face n u akn rasa cm freshh.. feel lite freshh comfy cool ja.. i like.. n smootthhh.. heeee.. :) i so love tht feeling... but it lasted sat ja.. blek2 ja umah abes tension suma da.. ahahah.. ngn sweat suma la... abes la spa treatment.. so yeah i did not act relax so much.. but i gz its fair neh? i did fall asleep n was high aft tht.. :)

so aft dat painful session... came moisturizing session.. just letak ja moisturizer.. well dont forget the whole time aku dok tahan geli.. hahaah.. sometimes la.. she pegang sikit im like ughhhh.. geliii.. hahahah.. terok2.. shes like first time ah? m like so yeahh....

aft tht.. err.. wt happen eh.. mm.. lets see.. oh yeah masageeeeee.. besssssssssss.. ahahah.. then err yeah mask.. cekang gilerrr kot... xle gerak.. ahahha.. then whilst mask tu hand massage.. sukaa.. yeah did fall asleep la.. comfy gilerrrr.. lite saja... haih.. sukaaa...

n so one more part of moisturizer than tada.. abes.. my skins kinda smooth for now.. hahaha.. n i look fairer... weeee... :)

oh n so m skin is sensitive.. n dry.. ok why oily.. i tink la.. i tink la kan.. its this.. dah dry so ur face akn produce oil.. n hapens it terproduce terlebey byk so ends up too oily i gz.. wic thts it.. its dry n oily... huhu.. moisturizer la dey.. mcm la aku rjen nk ltak.. il only ltak wen i realize my muka kronik gila. hahha.. then xletak dah.. just like my hair.. haiyoooo... apatah lagi treatment.. oh no...

n so blek umah.. aku jd rjen sat.. then gtr2.. organ3.. so i can tom dooley, yellow roxes of texas n silent nite.. but not perfect. practiseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !

i wonder how piano wud b like.. much more cmplicted i knw.. dang... slow2.. tke it ez.. :)

n so i really wish not to go to school anymore.. il b going off soon.. next week sure start packing da.. n yeah.. my roomm.. huhu.. still mcm pigs sty..

so ok... here... id like to say.. i hope well i can never be ready..

i wna rite but i keep on erasin it.. adeh... perhaps not now.. but one fine day... tht goddarn damn long entry wud be bout tis.. :) after all it is apart of my life wat.. n mostly wateva happend wen im 15.. huge part of it.. n i learn a lot from it.. n got hapy.. got sad.. got frustrated.. got sick.. got vomited.. got deaf.. got hurt.. got pain.. oh got evrtn.. :)

n so.. im still deaf.. haih.. i cant wait for tht pop sound frm my left ear n il be bec oh so like nrml.. :) ... wennnnnnn... dhla kna telan ubat.. aiyoo.. but i like the nasl spray.. tho akn biter jap but itl go away.. ur nose wil get comfier cool2 cm tu.. sukaa.. :)

oxy-nase is the name.. hhahahah

n so get back to reality will ya?

n yeah.. m on call.. tell me anytin anytime weneva u want.. m there.. :) tho iknw.. i dont have the bestest words n cant give advices.. but at least.. dnt keep it inside ur heart.. it sux.. - i knw i do tht too.. soooooo.. try not to...

blue oct - ugly side

pungkoq.....

so yeah tell me la kan..

tell me about it la kan..

so yeah.. tell me about it..

blughh...

- roll eyes -

pekak lil duck ... ayerrrr... yak d

soooo.. m learning guitar songs.. err noting else matters, still digging around blue oct, n dust in the wind.. n i wana learn broken.. n some of avrils..

then organ.. but its piano actually.. but men je la an.. kna get used to left hand ja.. so tht can do.. :) byk lgu gak ah.. esok bwk turun lappy n learnnn.. :) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... n some of soads ada britney ada.. hahaha.. asalkan chun layann..

oh yeahh.. esokk.. muahaha... aku nk p spa.. ahahah facial n masuzzzz... hahhahhaha for a massage kot.. thtl b oh no... but weee.. :)

- make sure u blnce yeah boobs tau later too big ur body tak balance... later jatuh...

adakah aku ni teruk sgt smpai mcm tu? hahahahha

so matthews the doctor.. dia tnya la nnti cuti tu nk p mana.. m liek xkn aku nk kata p sana coz mums like jgn gtaw org suma.. i xtau nk kata pa.. abroad did popd up but i said wat. hahahahahah... nii i was showing my hand ala2 aeroplane about to land n ckp aeroplane.. hahahahahahaha... dia cm usha aku pelik... dt time i xsdar g ahh.. then pas kluar mums like u knw wat u said or not.. then she acted out.. aku gelak gila.. haram.. malu gila.. hahaha.. aku rasa cm aram bodo gilanya aku.. hahahahha.. then whole day kena perli by mum.. then dad blek p cita kat dia then dia sdny dok pangge aiman2 i kaleh then dia dok wat tht aeroplane tingy... ahahahhah.. arammmmmmm...

so its like.. where r u going? aeroplane... - with hand gesture - hahahah.. its just so goddarn stupid man.. mg.. mums like sure dia kata lam ati la ksian nya bdk ni.. perak gila... xpenah nek aeroplane smpai kna cita cm tu... adoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.... malooooo btulll...

this is wat we call aft pmr side effects... seriously aku rasa smkin bodo n xtau pa.. jd bdk suruhan nganga tinkin wt to do next.. at least bkn mcm dulu keja umah study suma.. skang mcm mandom blurr.. sat2 nti bad mud la menapause la sat2 nnti gila la wayar la.. aku xtau nk kata pa...

no comment....

bla bla bla bla bla . . .

blue oct acoustics r so beautifull

:)

mashimarooooooo

on a park bench
on a skyscrape
on a mountain

soooo... yeah mums like tellin ppl aiman pekak.. hahaha.. aram gila.. m not deaf or half deaf la.. i can stil here.. just i feel uncomfy n wen i talk n ckp al rasa mcm ughh.. xselesa la.. n raudhas like bru ja abes pmr dah pekak dah... so sad.. erghh.. hahaha..

then td so p l a metro... n yeah one ting.. i da gila makann blek... or isi it did i ever stop gilaing em? hahhha. ixtau la.. m just td m like ma bile nk p johor iwna eat.. then if i go there wat will i be eatin? hahahah mcm la sana xdk mknan... welll ada la.. buuuttt kureng ah... xdk la kari ka rndang ka.. ada tp susah nk dpt ah... tgk ah ikut tmpt.. so il b eatin like those yeah energy oat nut bars like alotttt.. then buns la.. no meats lo unless i dpt kdai melayu ka mamak wic mostly xtau lerr.. alal ada fud punyala.. heee :) so i was all about fud till mums like wats wrng with u? y r u so hungry ? hahahha idk la ma.. wats apening to me or wats up wit me.. ;)

so wats up with my ears.. firstly id like to say i like tht indian doc.. name dk wat matthews.. hes cute.. haahahaha.. the way he ckp suma i likee.. hes cute.. told my mum.. she luffed like hell.. ahhaaha.. hes cute n d way he is.. hahahhahaahah... ok d prob is coz i blew my nose too hard coz u knw y la an so my eardrum kindoff went inside.. wen i heard tht i was like wtf.. first word.. surgery poped out in my mind.. ahaha.. no la.. just tht he cnnt do anytin frm the outside so needs to be done frm inside so im given a goddarmn nasal spray two puffs each nostril twice a day.. n likw 3 types of pills n cough mixture wic i mmg dh telan satu botol n still coughin.. oh dang.. n yeah i have mini resdung.. shittt.. yeah sensitive nose all those.. so no ac at nite.. ugh.. yeah i do knw i tend to cough more if its cold or at nite esp smlm i tdo lam ac.. n also many nites b4.. hahahaha... aram la an.. so no ac.. n he said no dust n cats.. m like wtf.. great.. no huggin n kissin em wic i do.. n coz of the saliva is very bad.. dangggggggggggggggggggg.. - i knew it.. -

the names of the pills cool la.. the nasal spray is oxy-nase... ahhaha.. then err roximeth or dexalone... then err myonall n one more is constamine.. or some sort like dt... n yeah la the nrml cough mixture sedilix-dm linctus.... i sukaaa.... hahaahha...

so i was scared to spray tht darn nasal spray inside mynose.. i was sticking isit called nozle? hahahah idk la wth kan.. i was sticking it in my nose for a few mins n tinkin.. wat if its pedih.. wat if it hurts.. hahahah.... panic n tkot sat la kan.. then spray2 laaaaaa.. i was like spray dh ka... hahah... ok ja.. just like water in it.. n kinda bit cold.. then after tht comfy.. it helps me to sleep better n makes me breathe thru my nose instead my mouth.. gud2.. :) then pulak.. my mouth trjdi bitter gila lak dah... ughh.. yux...

so tdi beli spagety bolognese n fish n cips frm metro.. dang not bad la.. sdap... sukaaaa... n i have to start eating those stuff n western n plain stuf.. whilst eatin kan... act even nw.. i was like dang xrasa pa pun.. hahahah.. like xcukup n rasa plain.. yeahla xkn nk rendang la ns tomato la smbal belacan.. aku cukup merepekkk.. mg lerrrr... kesian kat aku.. m tinkin.. aku p sana nk mkn apa... aahahahahaha... pathetic gilerrrr..

n last nite instead of finishin my dinner i ate cheese cakeeeeeeeeeee ! i knw its cheese man.. but oh wat the fuck.. sdp gilerrr.. sukaaaaa... act i mkn ja cheese.. like spaghetti carbonara pun cheessseee ja but i mkn ja.. i jz mkn pa2 ja la.. hahahahha... so i lurve cheese cakeeeeee.... :)

so skang ketagih mknan.. m all so fuddddddd... m gona eat again.. muahhah

mums like i tot u nk jaga ur mknan n ur fud.. m like tu la.. jgla sgt la kan... aiyoooo ! seriously man my tummys like besq gilerrr... :(( !!!!! helppp..

stop eatin aiman...

n so coz of the meds n coz nk baek cpt nya psal n get bec my nrml ears i knala tido agk awal n bgn awal.. idk but i feel its beta bgn awal start the day awal.. tah.. rasa syok.. pergh.. kena mkn ubt on time.. wic im so lazy... ughh...

sooo.. errr.. emm... i xtaula... i knw...

wteverr lerrr...

:)

i miss school for a mo tdi.. hahahah...

gilerrrrr...

h

e

l

p

- squint my eyes, weird faces -

i feel so lazy n kinda tired and sleepy..

nk tido..

grrr..

echo ~~~~~~

i close my eyes
let the whole thing pass me by
there is no time
to waste
asking why
-----------
-----------

so i slept late last nite.. or no its mrng.. then err.. got up at 10 kot.. tah la.. then laptop3 then mkn then cough3 then errr yeah my left fingers.. ouch ~ ! blame the guitar.. playin organ is much3 more safer.. so errr then yeah so called johore.. tgk dkt brisbane.. nmpk mcd its like few thousand blocks away from citigate king george square.. al i knw is its bitwin ann n adelaide street.. the city hall n its somesomrt historical.. oh great.. its a city.. muahhaha.. oh yeah wth m i gona eat there kan.. must be back to mcd or buns or sandwices or bread or cookies or fish n cips.. n all vege n seafud.. adehhhhhhh...

n i xsedar yg laptop ni xdk google earth.. i got addicted to it once.. u can even tgk dkt space mayn.. u can explore earth sky mars moon.. chun... kinda nice.. :)

sooo il b going to warner bros.. then thres this catching crab ting god knws wat n dat time tu dinner wud b all seafooddddd... oh n dtl b on friday.. then blek da.. aku harap aku mkn la kan.. aku rasa aku lntak ja.. muahah.. then err idk la lagi pa.. i dont have the full schedule.. mana p i pun xtau.. so il jz nganga ja lo...

n the gold coast.. errr watermark hotel surfers paradise.. yes ! by the fcking beach man ! oh yeah! boooyeah ! m so gona camwhore men dkt beach suma tu la.. if la bole la kan.. oh yeah the waves.. il drag ma mum.. n aku rasa la kan byk bnda la nk wat. biaq btui? mcm dak ja wey.. if mums like bla5 il say wen can i ever get the chance to be here again? so just let me do it !

i cant bring my mp4 lerr.. unless i buy a charger.. coz dia chrge ngn pc bla3 suma.. so tahla.. xkn nk dgn phne kan.. dhla my batt mcm chibai.. so i have to tink bout it.. la aku nk bsg pa.. mums phone ada.. n yeah her c905 yest xle on.. she kata smpai cedera jri dia picit button on.. so i tgk la an.. took out the batt ltak blek suma.. on jap then of.. then xtau pasepa i p smell d back component tu an.. its like burning smell.. i was like cooollll... so its off to charlie.. so she trpksa guna her smsungbec.. n shes like i prefer tis phne better.. smaller handy simpler.. so m like ok chun.. then u give me tht phone.. muahahha.. ;) ! tpi idt dptnya.. huhu.. sobs..

so err... yeah.. m bord...............

blasting the speakers..

boooyeah...

snooze

stand by for another break down

send off the alarm

- untill the end
- ugly side
- chameleon boy
- hate me
- do u ever wonder
- let it go
- into the ocean
- schizophrenia
- come in closer
- what if we could
- you make me smile
- somebody

blue oct.. :)

salami

sooo.. m lieing down on the floor.. enjyin life.. muhahahah

- tis is so not my plan n way la.. well yeah la kan.. ntg will alwiz go according to plan actually... -

blue oct is so chun la man..

arini aku xckp ngn dia.. muahahha.. i mean.. tah.. x msg ka call ka.. dia p esok ka x pun xtau.. oh wellss..

n tis.. at times i tink an.. mcm i dot3.... then kan.. aku rasa bengang gila.. mcm sket akai tau dak.. ahahah

dhla.. aku blank.. aku agk penat..

idk y.. ijust wish can i just pause all tis...

blue oct - do u ever wonder ?

blue october - until the end :)

burppp... agk knyg.. :) yeah aiman xla moody sgt

m a grumpy young girl man.. hahahaha...

so tdi prents blek la suma.. so my mum hit my dad.. itu biasa la. . hahahha.. then tah apa my dad ckp aiman y arent u supporting me? then mum jwb shes bad mud la.. dk y.. bad mud... then ask me ni exm dh abes dah psepa nk bad mud g.. awat...

then so i jeritt.. ahahah xla jerit.. just ckp kuat2 lpskan tension ckp school was sooooooooo boringggggggggg... i can be mentally retarded if i go to school like dattttttt... then hes like awat p an.. buku tex punya psal la niiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....

then dads like awat boring nya u have ur frens suma.. i said we got ntg to do.. mums like boring never existed in my life.. i knww.. so gudddd...

then dad cm worid kot. m constnly like dt.. tnya 10 aku jwb satu ja pown.. yeah i got ntg to talk about except bnda yg depressing.. depressing thots i knw.. m a depressed girll.. oh yeah.. get profesional help man !!!!! i will if this goes on.. nk ajak my mum.. muahahhaha.. n take anti-depressant pills.. cool eh? mental btull la.

so dads like u got period is it? i said no not yet.. i tink cmg thts y m like tis.. nrmaly yeah the day b4 it aku akn jd chibai gila2.. so maybe la. hpfuly la kan.. mums like ur not havin period.. ur havin menopause.... perghhhhhh... hahahhaha...

m still half deaf on my left side.. told mum d.. tgk cna.. n m stil coughn ! haiyooo..

so here i wud like to say.. - bare tis in mind !!!!! - i m going to johor bahru to visit ahma oke ! next wekk.. for one weekk. oke.. johore oke? !!!!!!!! johorrr... :)

so i tink m oke kot.. oh yeah.. dads like so ur sayin schools boring.. home must be boring tu la.. - thank u for understanding me dad.. he act knws la.. huhu.. - so dia ckp y dont nnti one day u folo me to the office.. u can do ur work there or wat.. diff environment n all.. i say.. its cooll.. can i play with the horsies? can i2? feed em carrots? ride em? errr yeah walk around.. :) hmmm...

so m kinda ok la now.. ok laa.. at least i can smile n still alive rite? ;)

dads like so xyah p skola la cm tu.. since m all so shitty la kan.. m like attendance will be tken. hes like nvm la ur sick la then.. i said xkn for the next 6weeks im sick.. how pergh is tht.. dehhh..

i so have to stop coughin soon man.. huhu..

so m about to mark mums exam papers..

yeah aku tingin gak wey nk socialize.. nk ms fb suma..tpi thla.. xpla.. :)

xyah fikir la an.. :)

ur life.. live it.. so u cant get wat others get like go to malls hang with frens freedom.. altho itulah seems like penting suma kan.. tpi la. tah la.. so xpla then.. nk wat cna.. aku brsdey nges kluar air mata darah pun xkn ubah idup aku.. soooo.. despite all those.. i still have to occupy my time with useful stuff.. n use my time wisely.. :)

how i wish i can talk like tis everytime neh....

- ugly side

mentally retarded freaks !

lagi lama aku dok kt skola cm tu, lg la aku rasa bodo, cepat bodo.. we can literaly become some kind of retards. like sriously....

so no... i wish not to go to school anymore.. yeah maybe today is or was my last day.. u see.. coz of boredom makes me so tired n stupid. thank u!

i knw2.. the program lepas pmr tingy.. mcm la bole p an.. mcm la aku akn enjoy an.. aku nk p ka x pun xtau la. if nk p pun i have to like bla6 to my prents, n thts no gurantee i can go still.. thanks.. great... yeah inilah time to socialize n menimba ilmu n pglaman.. mind u ramlee said tht ok not me.. pergh!~

tday sucks coz bru 1st da la kan.. imgine 2nd n so on n so forth days cna?

i dare not...

so initial plan was to be active la kan.. go here n there.. ms, fb, fs..

ohh crap.. xbuatla.. m not.. its just tah..

mnykitkan ati bila difikirkan..

benci

so i really3 dont wana go to school anymore.. unless is so goddarn imprtnt.. cm ari ni coz kna antar buku teks.. i stil have to go next week to settle my books.. n thts it..

but fuck la wey. kdtgn diambill... sialllll...

stil lla kan.. tgk la cna.. if aku p pun.. tahla..

yeah i have to agree with anis.. she ckp arinila prtama kali aku tgk aiman btul3 xdk mood..

well thanks for speaking out wats in my heart..

yeah btul.. aku xdk mood gila3 punya gila..

dah la..

pergh..

- i so dont wish for this.. -

for the rest of u guys.. enjoy k.. frens n femly.. pmr abes dah.. go out.. get out.. get high n paint the town red.. :) ;)

OW WHAT THE FUCK ?!?

drilled a wire through my cheek

ketidakadilan melanda diriku..

life is neverrr unfair...

harammmmmmmmmmmmmmm !

weeeeeeeeeeeeee ! merdeka !

slamat tinggal pmr !

aku agk tension skg.. ok xpa.. so msok2 keta i was like finish d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blek umah aku melmpt, jerit, dance2.. dads like ohh hepy ah? m like veryyyyyyyy !

i feel like screamin to evryone.. scream their names first n say finish d!!!!!!!!!!!!! pmr abes da!!!!!!!!!!! oh so wat the fuck..

i do wish pmr doesnt end.. y?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blek2 ja umah ok la rizal tnya how was ur living skills.. it was tahla.. ok la kott.. u knw m so gud in it.. pergh! then tnya la so how can get all as not suma.. m like oh come on!@! give me a fcking break will yea !

xpa dah tu.. then aku p la tukar bju smua xsmpat nk cuci tgn pa ka dia pangge dah.. xpla ah.. dia tnya pitee suma p mana ka pa. i told la p cs.. i said majority mmg blah p sana sini xblek umah, ony some of us ja blek umah.. - betui la kan aku ckp, aku sja nk kata kat dia aku bdk bek pergh! - then dia ckp oh u gals cannot lepak2 like tht. boys ni can. aku mcm haram ah wey.. aku dh agak dah.. aku dah agak dah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! idup aku ttp akn sama.. pmr abes ka apa ka apa ka ! smpai aku tua sma cmtu.. wteva.. then dia kata tan suma..? aku mcm yeah depa suma p cs.. dia kata oh xpa tu prents dpa antaq suma.. aku sbq ja la... adoiiiiiiiiiiii !

then dia dok ckp pasai aussie.. pstuh stni dia soh aku p cal celcom la maxis la p tgk google map la p baca itenary la p tgk swiss in aussie! oh yea jgn lupa cek email n byr bills... n yeah korek pasai aussie.. mcm la aku nk p migrate sna.. - how i wish i can - dak an! p lima ari ja powwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnn !

hoiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ! tlg ah wey ! x smpai sejam pmr abes dh cnni cmtu... arammmmmmmmmmmm !

aku dh agk dah ! cnt u just leave me alone for a few days !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

o m g ! ! ! cnt u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dia dok kata oh pmr abes dah, so u got ntg to study.. so u read all tis la for infos.. aku mcm i have my own infos to dig in n my own plan to keep myslf occupied for gods sake!!!!!!!!!!!

n now aku rasa aku tau psepa sibs xnk blek umah.. ang akn jdi kuli rizal spnjg masa..

wic i so fucking m now ! xpa2... minggu ni or mybe extend a bit next week its minggu daddy buat cmni... pastuh... tlg ah.. leave me alone sat... tlg ah.. i beg u!!!!!!!!! hahahahahhah plsssssssssss !!!

yeah xpa2.. u have the whole fckiing time of ur life for ur own self.. perhaps not now...

oh whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !

everyones out n about.. paintin the town red.. hepy2 with frens n femly..

butttttttt.. wth m i doin here?!!!!!!!!!!!

- sory trpksa ciplak ur msg.. i find it very the very correct

yeah ! wtf m i doing here ! half way kh tdi i did thot about going along with pit suma.. then haih..

1. i kena make up story.. cayala wey.. aku beg mcm pengemis pun mmg naturally xle p...

2. atirah nk blek jugak.. soxpla. blek ja

3. dont really wana get caught in a fight.. yg mgkin akn brlaku kot.. not get caught la.. jst xnk involve... its crap...

so if u nk ronda satu dunia.. go have fun... il just stay here in front of the fcking desktop oh how i wish i havfe the laptop rite now ! n waste my fcking time la kan..

fuck la wey !

adoi.. sket atinya aku.....................

- life.. bare with it.. accept the fact tht ur gona be like tis forever n ever n ever...

f

u

c

k

- sory if i sound so depressing.. i cant help it..

- i envy ppl who can go out n have freedom.. u guys r lucky.. appreciate it.. use it wisely..

pain in my head pls go away... i need to study...

cough go away.. its disturbing...

holy shittt

yeah.. i choose to be a gud gal.. instead of hitting cs tmrw havin fun and endless luffs.. n mcd or kfc perhaps.. im deciding to come home.. wanting to spend quality time on my own n be with myslf for awhile.. take a break.. take it ez.. sit back n rlx n hpfuly my parents wont pokpek2.. please i just want peace sat ja k.. i just want a break jap k.. :)

im sory malina n gha.. both of u guys nk dtg but i xnk.. bknxnk just u knw an.. hope u und.. nt tmrw.. gime a few days.. start next week prhaps? n yeah i can go to ur hse too.. hpfuly la.. but i tink can. tgk ah.. :)

so i knw.. esok raya + merdeka.. jump la man ! haaaa..

errr... so the whole day m suuffering of slite pekakness n bengangness in my ears.. u knw wen u demam u cant hear tht well ur ear bengang n kinda blocked. im going thru tht.. co zi blew my nose to hard.. so it went away jap ptg tdi untill i had to blow my nose again.. n its happening again ! errrrrrrrrgh! xpla.. so dad asked me to email sth.. was tryna read it.. then i realised tht im having this pain kinda throbbing on my left side of my brain.. sket gak ah.. evn nw.. left side.. apa ituuu? - this shows tht i havent touch my kh yet.. damn ! - so xpla.. pndai lgiiiiiiii... i nek keta.. bang ! my head time nk nek keta.. lgi la bengang siyottt.. skett.. so now m like floating.. kpla sket.. tlinga pun sma.. beck n top of my head.. ergh !

so hpfuly i can sleep.. n cough mixtures aint mkin me sleepy.. oh dang..

n khhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! aih.. shaite...

plan for tmrw.. if can nk wtch tv but dads like kna mndikan kcg.. oke cncel the tv.. see now u knw y i dont have the habit of wtchn tv.. sat nk dok sure ini itu.. lgi2 la nk ikut dramas.. pergh la ! nvm.. m having soto again tmrw.. so mkn then em blast the speakers n clean up my room.. ptg xtau lgi.. indoors perhaps.. hy posib indoors.. men kcg ja.. then nite i wnaa play organ.. :)

cough2.. head.. erghh..

esok akhirnya...

;)

itu sjala.. n yeah investigate bout aussie..

i hope i wont suffer like tis again.. tmrw.. its annoying.. n kinda painful..

- otw bec tdi.. around lguna.. i was goddamn blur all of a suddent.. n asked myself..

why the hell m i here ?

i dont wana stay at home..

n im coughin.. kind abadly..

and byk lagi..

i dont wana stay here..

haiyoooo

sesi keluar ngn diorng gagal... muahahhaha

not gagall.. but oh so boring.. pitee bru bgn tido so dia cm slow n kureng mood. dia pulak kureng gak ah.. aku apa... arapkan diorng.. dah jdi cni.. aku pun skali blurr ngn bengong..

so p playground.. sat... sunyi gila... all the way.. kitorang xhingaq mcm ritu.. lgu pun x on.. mg! then xpla.. dok then he bgn ajk p la nek swing suma then pitee lak wat segan xnk bgn.. had to drag him n push him bru nk bgn.. then pokpek2 suma i kt xnk diz playground nk the other one.. xpa ah.. then otw lak ckp jom p club.. p la... p2.. dpa dok mkn n minum aku nganga ja la.. then jln2 dia ckp pulak kna p radix.. bkn nk mkn na.. hahahaha.. of coz not..

i wasnt keen of going in frnt there coz its main road.. ang tau la aku an.. so thanks to pitee m still alive rite now.. like seriously.. well i did langgar pitee n both of us hmper jatoh n jgn tnya la bapa kali i was in near death situation.. muahaha.. thank u fitree..

so p la psr mlm.. met his bro.. bro dia tu sntiasa happy, bising, cool n frenly.. so first ting we did
wen we saw each other was stood side by side n tgk bahu.. compare height la. hahahha.. then he dok eeee! aku mcm aram ang.. so i tink thtl b d 1st ting we'l eva do wen we meet.. doi.. so he ckp e man. this.. kalau nk banding kak aiman n abg fitree.. mmg jauh beza.. he calls me kak aiman.. mg ~ !!!!!!!! he is oh so kejammmm... just like his bro...

so yeah jlan2 kna tease as usual then blek.. aku cycle laju gila kot coz da lmbt da..

msok2 dlm compound umah.. rizal keluar n jerit.. aimannnnnnnn ! ur lateeee!!! u know its already darkk!!!!!! kami tiga ternganga sattttt... then xpla... gelak2 suma blek...

so there.. a very not oh so interesting outing with em.. tah la.. arini kmi smua kureng mood.. yeah exam perhaps.. sej !! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !

- faints ! -

aku xtension.. aku rasa blurr.. mcm perghhh...