epiphany..

no its not actually sudden epiphany.. it just suddenly crossed my small mind..

no matter how bad i m feeling in any condition.. i'll smile or at least get lifted up if

theres him..

even if he just passes by..

stupid..

and when im down.. babes would say.. he should be here..

and yeah in a split of a milisecond.. i could smile..

maddd..

yes.. i think im high.. since i just took cough mixture.. and im not that sure whether thats the right amount i should take.. great..

its 0028.. i hope he wont be emo.. well why should he kan.. i dont care.. i just really hope he doesnt and wouldnt affect him at all in any way..

hahaha.. see im worried about him again.. i cant even trash him.. what the hell.. i just cant.. i still consider his feelings.. how he would be like.. ohh fuck..

ohh n now.. this is the second post about him.. oh shitt....

i even asked sister.. u fikir he emo coz of wat i said to him?

she said.. yeah i guess.. and everyones pushing him.. so he's tensed up..


dang.. im becoming emo again.. and like theres this weight pressing on my heart..

why oh why..

bloody boys..

my very first picture with him.. and also my one and only picture with him for now i gues.. i really hope not..

so okay.. i was kiding with him.. i didnt mean it.. why must u take it so seriously..

and now i just dont know whether u jual mahal or ur just so serious and u wont forgive me..

but now even after i made this dramatic thigy. he still wouldnt say yeah..

ok its not a big thing.. for him.. but it is to me..

ur one of the most important person in my life..

u see the list of special people in my life.. ur name is in it ok..

so i thought.. i should tell him my plan.. maybe it'll help.. it suppose to.. the plan that i wana help him in his studies.. im not a tutor and i dont do well in it.. but at least i do wana do something for him in order to at least make him pass.. and excel.. i even talked to my dad bout this.. and yes i was worried bout his marks for a night.. thats pure shit... what the fuck??

and the only thing he said was sooo.....

hello... i dont say things like this such as helping just for like that.. i mean it ok..

cant u differentiate between the things i mean and i dont..

or u just suddenly felt like making me miserable.. well thanks and congratulations.. u did it..

this is stupid.. and people i dont love him like a crush or a boyfriend..

no, i dont.. but i love him and care for him as him as part of my sibling..

i mean i do play with him, make fun of each other.. calling names.. go cycling..

since my sibs.. theyre all big and all.. he's always like ... idk..

and yes i do sort of give him my special attention i guess..

so yes it is kinda frustrating living a life without talking and crapping with him..

he's ultimately silly and annoying. but i dont mind..

he normally,rarely make sense at all.. i just dont mind..

but we not talking.. not calling names.. not even smilling.. not even looking at each others faces..

i do mind.. its out of norm.. and maybe cause of that, i have gone mad,upside down and maybe down and out..

and i should be trashing and bashing him.. but instead.. i was thinking of ways how to be like normal with him again.. and also telling him my plan.. i guess it wasnt a bright idea..

too bad.. nothing seems bright now huh...

so as kelly clarkson says - my life would suck without u..

i guess it is..

i guess it does..

i do miss the days..

of us..

i do wish i could turn back time..

and watch my words..

i hope you are just kiding..

i hope you're playing a game with me..

eventhough i dont like it..

but if you're not..

i shall start another black book..

filled with times, memories..

but they're all..

dead memories in my heart..

dead memories in my soul..

that i shall keep..

though i cant relive it..

no matter what..

my life sucks without u..

are u happy now?

thisissick..patheticagain..overandoveragain..

ppl..i guess im officially starting to write weird things again..please forgive me..

and actually.. i wish we can still be just like last time..

coughing..

haha, so i was camwhoring.. like again.. madd.. top it all of.. m not going to school!!!!!! yahoo!!!!!! ibrahim u can go to hell!!

and the picture, just fooling around.. and my brother didnt actually realise it.. till i took the last picture.. hahaha.. and now he is not on the couch anymore.. huahuahua.. kesian2.. who told you to take the remote away.. and why oh why football?? why cant he be mad of movies rather than football ?!! like cp.. at least he watches movies and not football.. n i watched die hard with him at 4am till god knows when..

so what happened today?

to my surprise, i got up at 930..means im mad.. i'l normally get up at 1030.. hehe..

got up, fed the cats, visited my myspace, ate ( i did eat ), when to the doctor, bought food, ate again, and chilled and onlined and crapped.

so my so call dad was like aiman come here.. sit here.. ( in front of him )

how was ur maths ?

its **...

hmm ok2.. your science ?

its **..

hmm ok2.. its an easy paper.. everyone got 90+

see i told u right about your maths.. its going down.. u better go and do something about it..

smiles2.. yeah i know.. yeah

i can see the future.. i can see what is going to happen in the future..u believe in me or not?

yes i do.. yeah..

ahh thank u for listening to me..

then came back, yuhuu.. bro's home. haha.. ok ler.. at least i do have a member for awhile.. :D

and dang.. that dude.. fitree!!! i was just joking ok.. u know i would never ever do and say that and ever mean it to you right? u may be the last person i'd say such things ok?? what do u want me to do so that we would be friends again?? and u calling me silly names.. me hitting u.. all those dude..

ohh n yeah i do miss this guy or we say kl tower.. thevanagarajan.. i forgot his dads name.. i miss sitting in front of him.. crapping with him.. ohh n yeah the old monkey love story.. hahaha.. and miss playing with him.. pulling his pants.. everything though..

and everyones worried bout tomorrow.. bout the oral and the history folio.. as for me.. may death do me apart..

babinya mamat.. kamu tunggu.. aku g skola.. aku xkan wat pa2 pon..

so yeah schools off on sunday and monday.. yay!!! but not that yay.. my dads going to jb.. and guess what? im stuck here in sp.. for life i guess.. i am not destined to be here forever..

and there's a rugby match.. french something2.. but my bro just ignored it.. dang.. its rugby for gods sake.. its not just rugby.. its rugby!!!

and i do have new zealands all blacks tee shirt.. weird.. i dont know where i got it or how .. hahah.. it was just in my closet.. weird.. but, and i shall treasure it.. its precious.. the very most..

nak dimaafkan.. cium aku lu.. lu fikir kisses aku ni utk ko ka?? kisses aku hanya tuk akak aku..

pastuh kan.. bukan nk reply.. apa ahh.. susah betul member ngn mamat nih..

ohh and yeah hugs... gahgah..

he so cruel+mean+bastard+shit=son of the bitch

can i not say no.. ??

so ezzati told me to tell him this stuff. hopefuly he's going to say okey... hmmpphhh..

pastuh ckp pulak help me god.. yeah i really wish god will let u know that i care ok!!

pastuh.. wat nanges.. pastuh ckp asal suma org dok push me.. oh tidakk.. apa lah..

what happened today?

so i was all alone almost the whole day..

got up at 1015, and thats cause my mum called me up.

if

she didnt, ill be unconscious till 1 i guess ???


why am i so emo?

ohh and yeah i slept at 10 plus i guess last night.. yeah thats like big time im not okay!!

idk why.. well part of it i do.. but its me being silly and pathetic again..

being emo, down and out over something that is just so stupid. i have tried forgetting it but i remember it the whole time. everything reminds me of it.. it sucks!!! i have to get over it once and for all.. i need to find a way no matter how.. so then i dont have to go through this stupid, dumb and pathetic condition ever again in my whole life.. it needs to be gone for good..

the other one is maybe cause of my results..

and the other one because i have been stuck in sp and not going to gurney plaza for god knows how long already.. so its taking its toll on me.. but what can i do right? just wait and wait like an idiot.. hoping i can get out ...

the other one cause theres lots of stuff to do. like homeworks.. shitt...

and my mums always reminding me to eat.. like aiman dont forget to eat.. mum i dont..

and maybe the other one is because of this dude.. no its not maybe i think it is.. yeah i guess i do miss him.. if we were ok, i bet we would have gone cycling today.. hmphh.. sobz..

and i did cry i dont know la..

and i like this weird song.. i guess the title itself explains everything.. and its stupid.. i wouldnt mention the title.. if i would have, then u'll possibly know the main reason why im like this again.

and maybe part of it cause im turning into a pure emo.. oh godd.. if i really do, please also change my appearance.. from my outfit, accessories, shoes, socks, pants, all and not forgetting my hair style!!! if i really do though.. and also the colour!!!

this is sickk..

i need my brain to be connected to the computer with a plug.. so that i can clean my brain.. and rearrange them in the way it suppose to be..

n yeah one second ago i was ok, the next, forget it..

great...

madness..

so,so,so?!!! dont ask me what happened today. it was the bomb. i mean hott.. well the weather was hott n the stuff was hott.. yeah baby!!! i had hell lot of fun.. :D thanks to sister, honey, sayang, yashu, and some dudes..

so first period was maths.. ok at least my brain still could cooperate with the maths and khoo.. and at least i understood what she was saying.. hehe.. mostly i dont really get it..

recess... dang...!!! sayang, honey and yashu and me was talking about indian food!!! dang i was damn hungry. the thought of chennai curry house mad it worse. i have to go there!!! and eat, and eat and eat!! and also chinese and malay food. ngeheheh.. delicious cuisine.. :D

then it was history.. ok so theres this folio that we got to do it.. hmphh.. but good news.. im grouping with yashu, sayang, rinesh and theva!!! hahahah. and i guess we would be doing about some place in pg.. n i hope my parents could sorta arrange a trip for us to go to pg.. cross our fingers!!! and hope for the best..

then it was living skills.. something im not that cool with. but what the hell.. it went okay.. then on the way back to 3A3, dang.. it was dayyuummmnnn weird.. hahaha.. with honey.. but dang it was god!!! and came along sayang after that joining me and honey and also my sister.. gahgah..

it went on and on and on during pi then followed by science.. like dang!!! then we went out of the class.. the four of us.. me,honey,sayang,yashuu..

something weird happen.. it was a message from god.. hahah... so i was walking with yashu in front, sayang and honey was directly behind us.. all of a sudden, a branch fell to the ground.. just an inch away from yashu.. she almost died man!!! die!!! what if the branch fell on her head.. she must have passed out, all of us panicky, students, crowds, teachers, ambulance, then hospital.. then what if she goes into a coma, and blood clot in her brain.. then dies!!! ok is dramatic.. but thats one way looking at it.. so the message from god was dont be too colourful and be attentive towards your surroundings. hahahah... at all times mann... just an inch and she could lose her life...

so bm, we crapped all the way through.. hung out with theva for a moment.. screaming about the project.. gahgah.. and not forgetting our mini photo shoots.. oink oink ...

so it was a nice day.. a very.. loud, screams, laughs, bigy smiles!!, k800i, screams again, coughing..., colours!!!, happy!!!!!

n yeah the saying says dont hate or have grudge on people, it wil eat you up.. and its not eating me up anymore.. live your life..

n theres no issues if you dont make or think one.. theres no issues actually.. its just in your mind.. and eventhough you just got a really extra cold look by someone last night, doesnt mean the next day itll be the same.. and the following day and on and on and on.. well it didnt to me.. we chatted a bit.. since 2009, this was my first time at least saying something to that person since god knows when.. big smiles!!!

yashu says.. your heart is not

a basket to keep sadness,tension,bad things..

its a place to keep nice memories,

like a bouquet of roses..

sister didnt say anything much...

lots of smiles though..

and sayang and honey.. i just got no comment

about what we all have said today.. haha..

roses still bloom and smells nice...

it will not wilt unless u make it..

im crapping all the way through.. im getting my senses back..

i say.. i had fun today.. thank you !!!