xmenentu ( slap me n kill me )

okey.. so today.. ok la. xlah emo gila.. xdk emo sgt pun.. gettin my senses and trytin to be normal back again as usual..

pastuh kann..

ada kan..

nampak dia ngn member dia. high sikit dah la kan..

pastuh kan..

chat2 la kan, ym..

pastuh kan..

dia kan..

dia blah..

so...

ehem2..

the skies when darker..

the birds singing flew away..

the flowers wilted and lost its shine..

ohh crapp.. ill cont later..

so...

yeah wen i have my first kiss,, or wen my sis got it.. we must fuckingly surely tell each other. no matter what.. without faill.. its a promise!!!

and i wil actually like anyone right now coz im too high..

fuck.. thats not good..

and yeah ppl

i tragically suddenly like this two people..

a guy

and a girl

this is so wrong..

i told myself.. im not suppose to like him...

and of course... im not suppose to like her too..

why oh why..

in i dont know how many billion people in the world..

i would fall for em...

im sad...

and yet..

my hearts flowering..

with false hopes must be..

as it always be..

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

why oh why???

i hope..

this is just an effect of being extra high. without the help of drugs..

cause if its not..

death shall do me apart..

this person told me that.. why dont i try n kiss her.. and feel how it feels like..

and tell him evrything i feel about him..

u mad ahh dey??? u gila mehhh???

but2....

life only once.. grab the chance.. take risks.. be mad!!! be wild!!! be adventurous!!!

muahahahhahahah...

she said its since january 2009

omg
or maybe once when we first met in 2007

n now

i have tonnes of work to do..

and im crapping bout this..

thats why constant craps..

i should change it to once in a blue moon crap

to prevent me from typing3....

and she said..

i was the 1st malay gal she ever liked...

n ingat lagi!?!??!?!

yeah i ingat..

omg

at times.. she has the urge to drag me to the toilet and kiss me..

and once.. in the car... i had the sudden urge to kiss her.. too..

kesedihan kemelandaan..

aku xxley kuar.. dlm mimpi boley arr..

cycle tuhh nsebb bek ok.. tapi pantang larang n nasihat belungguk gak..

n i like this another gal..

at ttn..

shes hhhoooottttttt!!!

omg!!!

omg!!!

omg!!!

but yest i emo sgt,so even by sitting next to her.. didnt help a tiny iny bit..

didnt even have a conversation.. wel did..

just ask whether u want some dentyne..

fuck..

thats stupidd mann...

but shes just hard to talkt o

to get close too..

maybe cz shes hottttt...

use ur freedom n anything dt u have now ppl!!!

jiwa kelajuan..

jiwan xmenentu..

adakah kerana merindui dia..

adakah kerana ketaidaannya di sampin gku..

( omg.. i started to be jiwang karat and all those shit again )

ok22

so shes like i'll tell u b4 it too late..

we dont know when we r going to die...

so she did..

so im gonna do it..

ehem2..

ok people..

im sorry
i know ive been bad
mean
heartless
self-centered
and all bad things in the world
evntho im only goin to be 15
(im too young too die god,lemme be an aunty 1st at least and hang out with my sis inlaw n talk to her just for once god!! i kinda like her.. eventho i met her once,phone twice )

advertisement : i xpernah kiss orang.. she pon xpernah.. so we xsure sangat.. xpa ahh beb..
we experiment okeyh? mau akk?

see.. ive commited too much sins...
n yet.. i still dont repent (chelsea smile)
my parents want me to be sucessfull, but waht m i doing..
blogging???
yming??!?!?!
oomgg!!!

ma,daddy, ill try my best..

and i know.. my mulut
laser gak la sometimes..

so top it all of..
please forgive me..
if ive done anything wrong or bad to u
hurt ur feelings
slap u
hurt ur pysical,menta,emotion
(im too lazy to make it in proper english )
n its late man..
i suppose to do my work..
but i wana write
and write
and write
and write

and dad.. i so want a touchscreen phone like hell..
and he'll say after pmr.. haiyoo..
ok2.. i'll live with k800i for the moment

so ppl, pls forgive me..
and eventhough i hate u
or dislike u
or sometimes xpuas ati..
deep down under this cute lil gal ( muahahah m mad sorry )
i still love u..
straight from ma heart..

yeah ppl im lost..
dahla miss suma conv..
haih..wat la dey!!

start apa pulak nihh???

walaupun hanya seketika tanpanya..
saya merinduinya..
saya merinduinya..
saya merindui cara dia bercakap..
walaupun dia selalunya agak bodoh and xmasuk akal..
tapi,
dialah saya cari bila saya tension though..

wat mepek pulak

aku rindu sama dia..

walaupun looks xdk langsung..
tah ahh..

babi siyot..
bangang nya bodohh..
apa nk jadik??

so please forgive me
and im sorry

so before i die, ill die with ur faces in my eyes..
as my last memory
before i let my last breath go

hmwrok xterkata nilainya.. plus oral n bm thigy..

n help ma mun..

n dad at times..

byk gila siyot..

pastuh aku nak on myspace g..
pastuh ym g..
chat g..
online g..
pstuh g cm skang nihh
xboley ahh

ni xkata study g
haram siyott..

awat la aku tetiba suka kat dua orangnih..

mcm mana nih??
( garu2 kepala ku yg berbau pantene shampoo smooth n silky n oso conditioner. moisturizer lum g coz xletak g.. )


dreams huh??? keja xsiap.. aku nk bermimpi dah?? biaq btui..

aku akan disembelih ole muhd rizal esok pagi..

mampuss beb!!!

oohh tidakk,,,!!!

kengkadang aku tension, aku cm nk g kat dia ja..

asal tah..

amek drugs kot..

gahgah..

no dad, m clean. look at my eyes!!!

bapak sikit aku tulis ari nih..

byk merepek s usual la kan..

aku membuang sua
dn masih
dn msih
masih menyukai kamu berdua..

yeah pink highlights..heheh..nk gak la kan
:D

kamu rasa
sampai bila pon
xabes aku tulis blog
cz aku dok high nihh..
terlebey pulak tuh..

canna ehh..
next year dia dh abes skola...
walaupun aku xjumpa dia evryday..
but i msg him almost everryday..
nnti dia g u, haihh...
xdklah dia..
sedey..

im mad

smpai esok
xkan abes blog
kena stop nihh..
smpai mati bru stopl la kan

n2..
the guy n the gal i like tu..
no one knows exept dua org..
if i still like both of em till this wed..
illtel who they r

i hope it goes away


n the ym yg aku chat ngn dia tuhh..
dari dia off smpai skang..aku xtutup g
apa kes?!!!

aku xsanggup nk off
hang ni...

aku dgr ayah aku batuk
dia mungkin kuar
mati
bye
xoxo

where did love go?

where did love go?

i wonder..

maybe it flew to the sky..

to be rainbows and butterflies..

for lovers strolling by the park..

or to fill the empty hearts?

that is longing to be blossomed with love..

that is so in need of something fresh..

something that is alive..

that is called love..

where did love go?

i wonder..

did it just stay on some part of the sky..

and look down on people who have just lost it?

and look down on people who yearn for it?

and just look down..

where did love go?

i wonder..

when people really need it..

when people need smiles on their faces..

when everything around them falls apart..

when nothing seems clear anymore..

where did love go?

i wonder..

maybe it has already filled the skies..

maybe it has already filled our hearts..

maybe we are just too blind too notice..

to notice wonderfull things around us..

to notice that it isnt the end of everything..

to notice that theres still love somewhere..

where did love go?

i wonder..

and i still wonder..

and i will never stop to wonder..

where did love go?

crappp..

spread the love,

spread the kisses,

spread your wings.

yes people.. im home... eventhough im suppose to be at school right now.. i was so happy yesterday that i could actually go to scholl.. but dang.. theres that ceramah thigy, then theres scouts.. so no i didnt go.. heheh.. and i was very high last night. maybe hyperactive too.. and i was high eventhough i wasnt on drugs.. well after 1130 i was. so if i was high after that, dont blame me, blame my cough mixture.

so ive been off from school for 3 days already. and if at all there is scouts meeting, this is the 2nd one,and ive missed it. like again. no ididnt miss the 1st one, its i missed the time where we suppose pass up our kk book. so god knows how im going to explain to rofiza about all this.. shit....

so 6 days of lazing.. wasting time.. pure ok.. no not really i did work yesterday.. hehe.. at least..

im out of ideas.. but i was filled with ideas last night when i was high.. what the shit. i should have written it last night. but what the heck.. i dont have a time machine right?

ok2.. this crap.. michelle.. it was a surprise not seeing her around the house compound when i came out. but its ok i thought she was at the back or something.. so suddenly i saw her entering the house through the gap between the gate and the wall. she was biting on something.. i thought it was a featherless baby bird. but guess what? it wasnt anything like that. like at all. she was biting on a red,wilted, hibiscuss flower. huh?

ok.. os im bored.. nobodys online. even ms. yeah everyones at school.hahah. texted sister, she didnt reply.. huhuh.. so im off.. to the real world.. piss out!!

road to recovery

so i didnt go to school on sunday and also today which is tuesday.

my brain wouldnt want to function properly..still..

i cant actually remember lots of stuff.. haha.. seriously..

lets see.. i think i wasnt that okay on sunday.. but bathed the cats.. went to tesco later on.. i guess soo..

monday.. holiday.. bro went home.. uncle and aunty came.. dad went to jb.. yeah sicck againn..

ohh and yeah last night.. i couldnt sleep.. firstly cause my nose was damn blocked.. yeah icouldnt breathe.. but did through my mouth.. then after that.. my nose was ok.. but i still couldnt breathe.. its like the mucus froze and blocked the airway.. and it also froze my brain.. it hurts.. like theres something stuck in my nose and my brain.. then got headache and aches and all.. then i fell asleep.. thank god.. but it was ouch.. then after that i blew my nose too hard.. then something happen to my left ear int he morning..great.. so it was at 6..

then few minutes before 9am... hehe.. thanks guys..it was a wake up call.. i cant recall whose voice actuallyy.. the first call.. but then i heard fitrees laugh,the background.. then second call.. i cant remember la.. i know i heard yashnis..sister yeah then she said ok no money d.. ok bye2.. haha.. and fitree....hahah.. so yeah i was all smiley and all.. thank u guys!! muahx!! hahah... yeah2 so i did talk to fitree after nearly a week.. hehe.. but clearly i was half awake..

smiles2 again..

and smiles2 again.. the offline message.. hehe.. thanks malina.. :D

so i hope i wont be drowned with homeworks..

and my dad said.. i suggest u do some work today.. study at least.. ( o M g )

and i cant taste.. and also smell. i cant even smell the cats shit and pee.. hell...

and taste like its faint.. hmmpphhh...

i'll try to elaborate more if my brain recalls whatever happened.. and if i can also.. and if my brain can actually produce something smart.. i'm really trying.. i hope it can function tomorrow.. yeah people.. im going to school tomorrow after 5 days of resting.. gahgah.. i need my brain back.. and my senses.. im not that ok yet..

0104-ppl im going weird like last time again..

i hope you're ok..

because i know im not..

but i shouldnt be..

n i must not be..

im going down..

over this stupid thing..

i hope you're just playying around..

trying to pull this stupidest trick u can ever make..

theres guilt..

theres hope..

theres sadness..

theres confusion..

i hope you're ok..

i hope whatever happened..

wont bug you..

i may cry..

maybe i just did..

invinsible tears..

deep down in my heart..

crying over..

unwanted things..

pathetic it is..

a waste of time all of this it is..

but..

i dont think i can sleep..

can this end..

soon..

i hope it does..

soon..

as i want sweet dreams..

under the stars..

where the moon hugs me..

keeps me warm..

and accompany me..

and will never leave me alone..

and as the sun rises..

a new day begins..

but shall it be coloured with rainbows..

or distorted by..

many unwanted things..

( ohh fuckk.. yes my writing is not good.. at all. it sucks.. i'll try to improve it.. n btw.. i have lost my mind!! what happened to me? but i may not wanna know. its better not to i think.. )

noooooooooooo............