crappp..

spread the love,

spread the kisses,

spread your wings.

yes people.. im home... eventhough im suppose to be at school right now.. i was so happy yesterday that i could actually go to scholl.. but dang.. theres that ceramah thigy, then theres scouts.. so no i didnt go.. heheh.. and i was very high last night. maybe hyperactive too.. and i was high eventhough i wasnt on drugs.. well after 1130 i was. so if i was high after that, dont blame me, blame my cough mixture.

so ive been off from school for 3 days already. and if at all there is scouts meeting, this is the 2nd one,and ive missed it. like again. no ididnt miss the 1st one, its i missed the time where we suppose pass up our kk book. so god knows how im going to explain to rofiza about all this.. shit....

so 6 days of lazing.. wasting time.. pure ok.. no not really i did work yesterday.. hehe.. at least..

im out of ideas.. but i was filled with ideas last night when i was high.. what the shit. i should have written it last night. but what the heck.. i dont have a time machine right?

ok2.. this crap.. michelle.. it was a surprise not seeing her around the house compound when i came out. but its ok i thought she was at the back or something.. so suddenly i saw her entering the house through the gap between the gate and the wall. she was biting on something.. i thought it was a featherless baby bird. but guess what? it wasnt anything like that. like at all. she was biting on a red,wilted, hibiscuss flower. huh?

ok.. os im bored.. nobodys online. even ms. yeah everyones at school.hahah. texted sister, she didnt reply.. huhuh.. so im off.. to the real world.. piss out!!

road to recovery

so i didnt go to school on sunday and also today which is tuesday.

my brain wouldnt want to function properly..still..

i cant actually remember lots of stuff.. haha.. seriously..

lets see.. i think i wasnt that okay on sunday.. but bathed the cats.. went to tesco later on.. i guess soo..

monday.. holiday.. bro went home.. uncle and aunty came.. dad went to jb.. yeah sicck againn..

ohh and yeah last night.. i couldnt sleep.. firstly cause my nose was damn blocked.. yeah icouldnt breathe.. but did through my mouth.. then after that.. my nose was ok.. but i still couldnt breathe.. its like the mucus froze and blocked the airway.. and it also froze my brain.. it hurts.. like theres something stuck in my nose and my brain.. then got headache and aches and all.. then i fell asleep.. thank god.. but it was ouch.. then after that i blew my nose too hard.. then something happen to my left ear int he morning..great.. so it was at 6..

then few minutes before 9am... hehe.. thanks guys..it was a wake up call.. i cant recall whose voice actuallyy.. the first call.. but then i heard fitrees laugh,the background.. then second call.. i cant remember la.. i know i heard yashnis..sister yeah then she said ok no money d.. ok bye2.. haha.. and fitree....hahah.. so yeah i was all smiley and all.. thank u guys!! muahx!! hahah... yeah2 so i did talk to fitree after nearly a week.. hehe.. but clearly i was half awake..

smiles2 again..

and smiles2 again.. the offline message.. hehe.. thanks malina.. :D

so i hope i wont be drowned with homeworks..

and my dad said.. i suggest u do some work today.. study at least.. ( o M g )

and i cant taste.. and also smell. i cant even smell the cats shit and pee.. hell...

and taste like its faint.. hmmpphhh...

i'll try to elaborate more if my brain recalls whatever happened.. and if i can also.. and if my brain can actually produce something smart.. i'm really trying.. i hope it can function tomorrow.. yeah people.. im going to school tomorrow after 5 days of resting.. gahgah.. i need my brain back.. and my senses.. im not that ok yet..

0104-ppl im going weird like last time again..

i hope you're ok..

because i know im not..

but i shouldnt be..

n i must not be..

im going down..

over this stupid thing..

i hope you're just playying around..

trying to pull this stupidest trick u can ever make..

theres guilt..

theres hope..

theres sadness..

theres confusion..

i hope you're ok..

i hope whatever happened..

wont bug you..

i may cry..

maybe i just did..

invinsible tears..

deep down in my heart..

crying over..

unwanted things..

pathetic it is..

a waste of time all of this it is..

but..

i dont think i can sleep..

can this end..

soon..

i hope it does..

soon..

as i want sweet dreams..

under the stars..

where the moon hugs me..

keeps me warm..

and accompany me..

and will never leave me alone..

and as the sun rises..

a new day begins..

but shall it be coloured with rainbows..

or distorted by..

many unwanted things..

( ohh fuckk.. yes my writing is not good.. at all. it sucks.. i'll try to improve it.. n btw.. i have lost my mind!! what happened to me? but i may not wanna know. its better not to i think.. )

noooooooooooo............

epiphany..

no its not actually sudden epiphany.. it just suddenly crossed my small mind..

no matter how bad i m feeling in any condition.. i'll smile or at least get lifted up if

theres him..

even if he just passes by..

stupid..

and when im down.. babes would say.. he should be here..

and yeah in a split of a milisecond.. i could smile..

maddd..

yes.. i think im high.. since i just took cough mixture.. and im not that sure whether thats the right amount i should take.. great..

its 0028.. i hope he wont be emo.. well why should he kan.. i dont care.. i just really hope he doesnt and wouldnt affect him at all in any way..

hahaha.. see im worried about him again.. i cant even trash him.. what the hell.. i just cant.. i still consider his feelings.. how he would be like.. ohh fuck..

ohh n now.. this is the second post about him.. oh shitt....

i even asked sister.. u fikir he emo coz of wat i said to him?

she said.. yeah i guess.. and everyones pushing him.. so he's tensed up..


dang.. im becoming emo again.. and like theres this weight pressing on my heart..

why oh why..

bloody boys..

my very first picture with him.. and also my one and only picture with him for now i gues.. i really hope not..

so okay.. i was kiding with him.. i didnt mean it.. why must u take it so seriously..

and now i just dont know whether u jual mahal or ur just so serious and u wont forgive me..

but now even after i made this dramatic thigy. he still wouldnt say yeah..

ok its not a big thing.. for him.. but it is to me..

ur one of the most important person in my life..

u see the list of special people in my life.. ur name is in it ok..

so i thought.. i should tell him my plan.. maybe it'll help.. it suppose to.. the plan that i wana help him in his studies.. im not a tutor and i dont do well in it.. but at least i do wana do something for him in order to at least make him pass.. and excel.. i even talked to my dad bout this.. and yes i was worried bout his marks for a night.. thats pure shit... what the fuck??

and the only thing he said was sooo.....

hello... i dont say things like this such as helping just for like that.. i mean it ok..

cant u differentiate between the things i mean and i dont..

or u just suddenly felt like making me miserable.. well thanks and congratulations.. u did it..

this is stupid.. and people i dont love him like a crush or a boyfriend..

no, i dont.. but i love him and care for him as him as part of my sibling..

i mean i do play with him, make fun of each other.. calling names.. go cycling..

since my sibs.. theyre all big and all.. he's always like ... idk..

and yes i do sort of give him my special attention i guess..

so yes it is kinda frustrating living a life without talking and crapping with him..

he's ultimately silly and annoying. but i dont mind..

he normally,rarely make sense at all.. i just dont mind..

but we not talking.. not calling names.. not even smilling.. not even looking at each others faces..

i do mind.. its out of norm.. and maybe cause of that, i have gone mad,upside down and maybe down and out..

and i should be trashing and bashing him.. but instead.. i was thinking of ways how to be like normal with him again.. and also telling him my plan.. i guess it wasnt a bright idea..

too bad.. nothing seems bright now huh...

so as kelly clarkson says - my life would suck without u..

i guess it is..

i guess it does..

i do miss the days..

of us..

i do wish i could turn back time..

and watch my words..

i hope you are just kiding..

i hope you're playing a game with me..

eventhough i dont like it..

but if you're not..

i shall start another black book..

filled with times, memories..

but they're all..

dead memories in my heart..

dead memories in my soul..

that i shall keep..

though i cant relive it..

no matter what..

my life sucks without u..

are u happy now?

thisissick..patheticagain..overandoveragain..

ppl..i guess im officially starting to write weird things again..please forgive me..

and actually.. i wish we can still be just like last time..