Thursday, February 2, 2012

I think I am done being manic. Oh wait, I am not ! I am manic, remember ?

I kept saying, all along the way, pull yourself together, mend yourself together, hold yourself together, Get a grip, etc2, craps that are alike. I never knew it took me for over an hour or so to do that, and the effort, I feel like im climbing mount everest.

And thats not it, when I try very hard to pull myself together, when I am almost there, great, it crashes down. Firstly, do you know how hard it is to do it by yourself ? Yes, you have to practically pick yourself up instead of somebody helping you for it. always this, not enough, not hard enough, everything is not. so, take it or leave it la ?

ok fine, i did it. then it crashes. Do u know the word tired ? or not tired, its the i worked so hard to be ok but i ended up not ok again so eff it i am not trying again. ok ? so are u going to help me out again ? no. and stop saying i dont know. all i am waitingg for is for me to be able to fall asleep tonite and just sleep. sleep, thats all I want.

Yes, people say, at times people just need a shoulder to cry on and a pair of ears just to be heard. what if pulak its when i not only need a shoulder and a pair of ears, but a direction. something firm that I can build from there. so, try and distinguish when that person just needs attention or when they really need a good piece of advice.

idk whether its my hormones that are going crazy or my mind. u do read about depression, bipolar, manic, ocd, many more. u have signs, symptoms, cure, bla3. So, lets say u have some of the signs, when should you seek help anyways ? how do u really know u know ? how to help, be a shrink and help me out.

and its always the, you can do it but i cant do it. or, u do it, i do it too. sigh.

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