I wear my heart upon my sleeve like a big deal.

I have at last come to a point where I have decided to cut communication or connection whatever for this period of time. I dont think I actually want to know or to bother for now. And I dont want to think also. And that I seriously want to take as much time as I can because I want to find myself again. I want to actually weigh the important things in my life right now and to know how much I am worth and to know myself again. I have my AS coming in less than two months now. If it does me more bad than good, I dont want to jeopardise my future. I have come to a point where I cannot go on like that anymore and I cannot deal with it anymore. I cannot take it anymore, to be done that way. To be given the false hope that you so called understood my situation for one night and then you forget about it the next morning, and this has happened countless times as I remembered I explained myself numerous times. Over and over again. I had enough of being given so called words and support to say that one would actually put up with my crappy self and or make an effort to help me with it without actually being told or asked or begged to do so. I am tired of askin what I actually should get or to fulfil my needs, it is enough for now. Let me fulfil my own needs and wants now. So help me with it. If you cant or do not want or aint got any bloody idea on how to do so, I am already at a point where I actually want you to step aside and leave me alone and I will help myself because I am done hoping that you would actually do the same as what I have been doing for all these while. If you say it is really your fault, then be responsibble for it. Take the responsibility and deal with it and fix it. Not just say yes you would do it one night and forget about it the next morning. I am already at a very bad state due to my unwanted stupidity, the last thing I need right now is someone to make me feel more stupid and hopeless and helpless. If you cant help someone, at least dont make it worse. I didnt ask for this nor wished that I end up this way but I cant help it anymore. I am at a state where I am done denying. I am done hoping that I would actually get the help that I actually need. Some things are acceptable but this is not anymore. And I did not simply for fun put up with you also for all these while.