The title says it all. Even so, nobody can actually give you the world, even if you wanttt it, you have to go and get it yourself. Sitting there and being poured with things, dont you feel the insecurity and fear of how things might go ugly and go wrong ?
Everything is temporary. But in this I see what is temporary and what is something that can last long no matter what. So I hope this is too. Because it saddens me, of the heart that I see that is keep aching and breaking, of the dissappointment I see in their eyes everytime. Whats worse for me is loosing somebody who I used to have, whom I take as someone who I can look up to. Someone who I can learn from, I take you as my role model. What do I have left ? Follow the steps that you are doing now ? I remember every word of urs, of how I treasure it till now.
We all have our period, our time to be such an tooot. I have it too. But doesnt mean you are in that condition, you just forget that you are the only one who has a beating heart, a beating heart that can feel pain, frustration. No, we all have hearts, we all can get hurt. Even a person who doesnt seem to have a heart, can get hurt. Because after all that he has done for you rather than to you, more so not hoping for anything in return, that is some sad thing going on in an old mans heart. So have you thought of all the things that you feel and say and have done, how does it affect others ? Even the slightest bit can do. If it hurts you, chances are it hurts others too.
And so doesnt mean that after all this while in your life you have been so sad and so effed up, and then you find something that can give you happiness, for me it still does not give the right for you to forget the ones whom you used to be with. Doesnt mean that you dont need em anymore, because I know I still need you. And without him, you are nothing now. You will not be the awesome person that you are right now without him. You told me that. He gives you everything, one of the best that we can have. Dont you remember ?
I know I am at no position to talk about this or to tell what should be done or what should not be done. I am just going on 18 and admit I lack of experience in life a lot. Yes, at least I admit I am a green horn, I dont know much and thaht I have a long way to go and a lot to learn. But I know, no matter how ugly or effed your parents are, they are still your parents. We all have been such assses to them all this while, since we were a baby, but what did they do ? Send us to an orphanage ? Abandon us ? No, they accepted every single stupid bit of us and raised us up to who we are right now. Yes, we get frustrated, angry, furious at them, I have it all the time haha, but what can I do ? Even after having my own life and what not, I can never deny the fact that I come from them and they are a huge part of my life.
So why cant we just tolerate a bit of their shit ? I know, nobody is perfect. But you dont expect someone who is almost triple our age and going on 100 haha to change. Why dont we change just a little bit to suit them for a while. After all, they are already old. How long pun we need to bersabar and put up with it ? Not long. I realize that my parents arent as healthy as stalions nor are as young as other people. So I am trying to work on that.
And be it how smart or intelligent or whatever I am, I will never say things like that or judge someone like that based on their past or how they are in the present right now. I am nobody and that I dont know your story, and I cant compare my life with theirs.even my own parents story, so I am at no position to blame who is at fault or how their past were or who screwed up the most. Admit it, we all screw up, we are all at fault, actually anything in life. Just dont simply judge someone cause you are just a nobody to judge and to compare. I know my parents for life but I dare not judge their past. Do you do that ? And I know very well that I am very rude and kurang ajar, you have to admit it, but for once, I know I will never say that to somebody who is actually at the same level as my own parents. They are not some drug addicts or cheaters or liars or dok maen kayu lima or something for you to say like that. Do you say such things to your very own parents ? I salute you if you do. Now where is the respect in the first place. Yes, marah, tak puas hati, but why forget the basic things.
By all means, I am not trying to heat things up or to tear everyone apart. I wish we all can be happy macam dulu. I am just stuck here wishing I can fix things but all I have are meaningless words like this. I know I am young and I barely know anything, so this is just my random ramblings that I want to let go of now. I dont want to think about it anymore. Yes I am obviously hopeless in this and like it or not, I am a part of this. I think enough is enough for what has haappened till now. I just pray to God that things will be better someday. Amin.
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