I am at the point of being devastated to the extend of not having the will to get mad at anything anymore. No I did actually, I was just dissappointed and tak puas hati sangat sebab tak boleh dapat benda simple seperti a comforting shoulder or a kind heart or something good that can feed my ears just at this point in time. I am currently upset at certain things, yang sebenarnya tak patot wujud pon. Yea, u may ask, aku period tak. If you know me very well, aku memang period tiap2 hari. So janganla dok cuba ngan orang yang rajin pms. thank u. Remember, I am not a remote control where you can keep pressing buttons and wait and see what I have in the screens for you. I have feelings, I have wants, I have needs, I have necessities that needs to be fed, so same goes to you. Like it or not.
Idk what but maybe the thing is you. You yang tak pernah kena hidup and survive dengan orang yang we say a ticking time bomb. Firstly I would like to say, I dont mean to be a ticking time bomb especially tonite like after wave, after wave and after wave tapi I have put up with a ticking time bomb person, so I might expect you to treat me like that. Sebab I have been living with the possibility of every word, every move, every action, every reaction, every human contact I make, every wants, every needs, almost everything regarding me, might make you explode any moment and oh I tell you ,the aftermath is ugly. You dont want to know. But do you everrrr realize that ? No. You have to alter, to impress, to puaskan hati, to try fucking hard to not screw up every time. How is that for a start ? And I have been living with it. At first it was ok, but yea it builds up as time goes by. Whats worse is it is taking effect now. great huhh. SOoo pleaseee grant me some gratitude and appreciation and take a good 5 minutes of ur not bz at all life to realize this. That because of you, I doubt a lot. I never not think twice before I do something. I lived by a very cautious and stupid life. By that I wished I raised my guard higher.
And if it is so. Macam ni lah. I have 10 bux. !0 bloody bux to live for a week. Itu la makan minum pa benda aku. Fine la. So you see there, how much it means to me. Kamu pon sama. desperate tak dak duet. xpelah kan. You perlukan 10 bux, perlu sangat la, tapi u know very well, I ony got 10 bux, but because you are important to me, I sanggup bagi all my 10 bux. yeaaaap. Tak penah ka terfikir, tak pa lah, you amek ja 5 bux, 5 bux lagi u bagi to me. lagi 5 bux nak bagi cukup 10 bux tu you usaha laaaa ccarik sendiri ! aadoi.. kenapa kamu selfish sangat sampai kena amek semua and tak mao usaha langsung. ada salah di mana2 ka tang situ ? cuba tu tak dak. cuba fikir. Knowing and acting. Knowing is satu, acting is satu. Knowing pon cukop la, nak acting tu terlalu forwrd for u. That memang i am putting my expectations wayyy to high. .sigh
And yes, we all have our own stories. WE all aada our own frustrations, sadness, makan hati, benda yang kita simpan dari orang, tak puas hati, suma tu. Easy said, when spoken it will bring you to tears. And memang, suma orang ada stand, pendapat, their own mind. Mentality ?
You used to be somebody that I used to know. I never knew I meant so little to you when you meant so much for me.
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