STOP SAYING I FREAKING DONT KNOW !

ok i know, out of 10 questions u ask me, be it factual or to ask how i am, i will say,


I DO NOT KNOW !


ok, i know, the ffff ? why la ? idk. seee. haha. ok either.


1. really, seriously, i really dont know.
2. i really dont wna know about it coz it has nothn to do with me and its none of my business or interest.
3. i really dont wna talk about it at the mo.
4. i really dont wana give a damnnn about it. ignorance is bliss
5. i just fail to express myself freely.


ok i realize this, i have this process.one, two, i dont really express myself. freely,straight forward. ok i do it here, but face to face, no i dont, sometimes i really just dont bcuz i always think about the other side. its better to pretend that we are ok n things r ok n jz pretend its ok rather than saying things that might hurt the other person. mind u, right at their face. i am mean but i cant seem to do that simple thing. n il end up being ' i malas, i xmo fkir, ignore' hence il just ignore and thats the end of the story. reallyyy badd.

so yeah, be honest, will ya ? just. say. it. just. do. it. its not so hard. its not so bad. its not so complicated. stop thinking so much and just do it. pls stop listening to ppl, ok wait, shoot, ok fine stop listening to ppl, but i am listening to someone, then what does it make me then ? and i know, i have lots more to learn, and i have lots more that idk like how to handle things, how to manage it, how to face it, how to solve it, just everything actually. and at times i find it frustrating sbb i feel so stupid sbb im just not like that. even simple things i have to learn. n i dont know simple things. idk what im born with actually. how dysfunctional can i be. at the age of 17, why isnt my mind developing in this. gah ! when will my brain develop ?!! why cant i be more matured in this matter. ok fine i know how to do addmaths. its just i can barely survive in any form of relationship with other human beings. n that aint good. im good at brief ones, but not so brief coz i get attached to ppl easily,just not the long, lasting, life commitment, serious ones. idk what im good at. ok i have good relationship with cats. haha

and truth is, i think i barely know myself. i can produce a statement not a but lots of em about me, say it out loud, but thats not me, at all. i dont practice what i preach ? a hugee most probably yes.

and im always torn in between. im neither here nor there. i want both at the same time, but obviously, i cannot have both. i hate choosing between to things that might weigh the same. and its not easy. and even myself. im in a constant dilemma. id be thinking a lot. like should i? am i sure ? is this what i want ? n most importantly, is this what i really want ? am i willing to do this ? am i doing this bcuz im told to do it or bcuz i really want to do it ? and at some point il be asking why am i doing this ? why am i doing this to myself ? is it worth it ? r u sure all the tears, the heartache, the pain in my arse is gona be paid of ? and then i would feel like this is not me, this is not my life, im not doing things that i want to do and it makes the less of me. i mean its hard for me to change. i dont change for anyone even for someone. its against to what ive been following, the concept of my life. yes, a very stupid, not matured, selfish concept of life. i have to agree with that. but change is good if the change is for the good. agree ?

yea, question is, DO U WANT TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE OR BE YOURSELF ?

yea, i have to admit, i always say i hate myself. some parts of me. but all in all, i like myself. i kinda love myself. i love being me. ok seriously, i think this is my first time to actually say i love myself. yea, love, appreciate, accept who u are. embrace yourself ? hahah. yeah but seriously, embrace yourself. if u dont, who will ? i know ur bf will, but whats the point if u dont urself ? u are an individual at the end of the day. better, independent individual.