chocolate stripes.

soooo, ok it is getting into my head and mind too much right now. hence, blogging. this is big actually. and it shudnt get into my head so much as this, ok, not will but must take a long time to do it. its not that easy. n its a serious thing. my feelings are all mixed up. i am excited and happy about this. like i wish i can do this right now, frankly. but i feel the huge lack of confidence and fear in me. its not just about a thing, its about everything. its about me. so u do see the amount of time i need to take and have.i am scared that halfway thru, il change my mind or sth makes me. and that is sth i really dont want at all. or im not adjustable i mean i cant adjust being that way. n i myself cant accept it. so im taking small baby steps. firstly, ive already voiced out. n im glad. n i cant believe i did that. yeah, at last i did say it out loud. next, ive listed down things that i can do, n i cannot do n things that i have to do sth about it. n its managable. i suppose. dang. i mean proof, ok not that ive overcome my anger issue, obviously it is not so simple and it takes a lot of time, but overtime i see ive improved. rather than getting angry evveryyyyyy dayyyy about every small matter, its only well once in a few days. when i get angry, i realize n remind myself that im getting angry. n then il question myself is it worth it ? whats the point of me getting angry ? i am still scared. but i keep saying to myself, go slow, take as much time as i want, wait till im really ready and serious and that im not goin to turn back. n yeah, im not going to loose anything by doin so, i am still me, the normal aiman rizal that u always know since day one, but perhaps with some adjustments n alterations for my own good. i definitely wont loose anything, but god willing i will gain more. afterall, this is what i should be doing since day one. so here it goes. baby steps. slowly. take my time. n relax. n everything will be just fine. ^_^ and i realllyyy hope i dont loose this. bcuz its really gona suck if i do. i need constant motivation, reminder, everything that is needed. i have to always remind myself, to control myself n yeah think positive.



Watch my mouth. Watch my finger.



ps. PLEASE DONT EVER MENTION ABOUT THIS. AT ALL. JUST WAIT AND SEE. AND NO HINTS OR NO ANYTHING. I BEG U THIS TIME. I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS TOPIC. AND IT IS FOR MY OWN GOOD. AND URS TOO. THANK U. ^_^