kitty bathed this morning.. :P

ehem2...

i got up at 1045 am... then first thing thought of daddy.. dont ask me y.. kluar2 tgk oh dia x p keja g. so ok la xpa..

went out wanted to feed whitey.. took out her food suma then my dad was upstairs inside the hse, i was outside the hse.. mstila kan dia jerit AIMAN!!!! byk kali pulak tu.. m like pasepa? so i was like yeah la.. p2.. dia dok bla2.. then dia ckp did u check the note? 1st principle wen u come down go and look at the tables.. yaddy3.. m like i just got up.. ok the thing is.. the auto gate is not working.. i have to get the phone numbers msg my mum.. i have todo it.. meeeee... ok2.. so xpa..

then mcm how the fuck do i suppose to know what the fuck ur talking about.. i just got up like less than 5 minutes ago n u expect my brain to function normally? maybe u can, but u wana know sth, i cant.. then dia dok tanya bout it.. m like.. mana da.. mmg phone num tu xda nama pun.. then he jerit.. then siap kena maki bloody fool.. m like.. hadoi.. n yeah btw time he jerit he sounds like david draiman.. hahahha.. thth tym i just xtau nk ckp pa.. just dgq ja dia dok bla2.. i mean geram ahh.. wat do u actually want from me? i dont work with u under u in penang turf club.. ur not my general manager n m not ur worker.. im ur daughter.. im at home.. haih.. idk..

haih.. u ask me to do sth for u.. i dont mind.. i mean i alwiz do rite.. n alwiz kena maki rite.. but u ask me to do sth for u. but u maki me.. teruk pulak tu.. haih.. the whole tym i was sayin to myself.. xpa.. u still mkn duit dia.. u cant do anythin.. bare with it.. hes ur dad.. no ones perfect.. just lisen n do it..
n y must u yell at me.. gate tu ja pun.. tolak ja la ngn tgn.. hahaha.. aku tau la ang x suka benda yg x sempurna.. tpi nk wat cna.. ang nk suruh aku repair aku xtau. dhla jerit kat aku mcm umah tu terbelah dua.. kalu ya pun, ang nak suroh aku wat pa.. bukknnya aku reti nk build balek.. haih.. yeah la i tau horse show comin.. ur bz.. pressure n all.. i accept tht.. so its ok.. :)

imagine.. yest i was dyingly missing him.. today i was dyingly beggin to god that he goes to work soon.. ahhahaha.. after kena maki he nek ats.. then i went to my room.. i just cant look at him.. guess wat.. idk wat to do.. sooo... i p mandiiiiiiiiii.. weeeeeeeee.. yeah aiman mandi... :D boley pulak tym nk p keja ckp elok2.. ckp aiman, m going now.. so u do na this n that.. i was like yeah.. then gelak2.. aku xtau nak ckp pa kat dia.. ahahhaha..

sometyms i wish i was in pg.. wer i dont talk to my parents. i dont eat with em. i dont sit with em. i dont antyn with em.. sng ahh.. xkena marah.. x jumpa.. xtau apa.. i ony se em in the morningn b4 going to school, lunch no.. i come back at 2sth, dad goes to work at 2sth.. mum comes home 5sth.. its ok.. and tht tym m not the only one at home like now.. like evrytym.. m like suma aiman3.. bukan semua.. m just alwiz the ony one.. like in pg, yeah i dont have to do anytin.. just study, well i do the dishes.. n cook wen its tym for me to learn.. thts all.. bukknya mcm my other sibs dh keja, dok seniri xyah dok kat umah ni.. haih.. at tyms i just cant wait for high school to end then p uni.. dont ask me wat i wont do there.. just like my sis.. well she strtd wen she was in high school..me? fuck la.. haih..

i mean.. yeah i cant go out.. ma.. y cant u just at least let me grab the bike n my back pack n lemme go swimming.. coz if i wana wait for u, itl alwiz end up me not going..coz u have no tym.. ma.. i can go swimming alone ok.. i learned for two years.. if at all i wana drown.. or like m sinking.. i just need to hold my breath n stay still n il float.. of coz u dont know tht.. n whts the point of explainin it to u.. u wont und.. u cant ecven put ur face in the water.. i know.. trauma.. but doesnt mean u have issues with water.. i do.. i dont ok.. trauma n stuff tht u go thru is not genetics fyi.. u alwiz think things tht u go thru i mean ur fears la to be precise.. u have lots of em.. doesnt mean u do, i do ok.. i dont at all.. m someone else.. m not u.. im just part of u.. i still have my own life.. can u at least gime a chance to show wat i can do.. wel i know i cant do anytin.. unlike my sibs n all.. i dont know wat hapend to me.. but at least leme do things i want.. idk wat.. but if u gime i wud.. n il try.. just at least leme hang out with my friends.. theyre the only ones i have.. i mean.. i cant talk to u guys.. u wudnt und if i wer to.. dont ask me to try.. i mean if iwer to tell em bout my school life.. evrtn.. or even give this blog to em.. il just end up getting cursed n yelled.. n i know ungrateful.. but if i had a choice.. id trade things i have so then i can go out.. get freedom.. go out with my friends.. m close to em.. n theyre the only one who knows, who lisens, who unds, who knows wats going on.. that is wen i live my life.. i mean idk.. u guys r stil my parents.. m gona b related to u guys forever.. i got nothing more to say.. is not like im in pg.. evrtns there.. i have kak ct.. i have uncles, aunties.. tho theyre not really related, just family friends.. but still i have.. n if i wer to tell u, u wudnt accept me.. at tyms its just easier if i dont live with u guys.. or at least we r not close.. so then i dont have to feel so bad..

i know.. who m i to ask u all this.. il just have to wait n b patient.. see.. how i wish m an idiot.. n neva think bou tmy life.. i know m only 15.. why m itinkin so much.. why m i wanting things so much.. n worse.. its as if m gona get it.. m not.. i know m not.. so il accept m gona b stuck like this..

- yeah im crying.. kinda baadly.. hahhaha.. my god... - fuhhh...

sometyms i think id rather be an idiot.. just like wat my dad said.. a bloody fool. why.. so then i dont have to think so much bout my life.. myself.. i just live my life according to wteva they want.. kan senag.. xyah la i have to bother.. yeah itl end up me not having a life.. but i dont think i wud mind..


- one of the points of why i dont wana get married.. how m i gona b a good wife n a mum.. i mean.. its gona b big thing.. n involves other ppls life.. its no joke..so m just not.. gona ruin other ppls life n cause probs.. yaddy3..

headache.. noes stuck.. thats enuff..

so the end.. m fine.. i accept it.. accept my lifes this way.. my dads tht way..my mums tht way.. im this way.. i have to love em.. theyre stil my parents.. theyre part of my life.. my family.. my life.. so yes.. m fine.. :) i have to be patient.. n go along..

xoxo

ps - m really fine.. dont worry.. :) m fine..