~ spending time at the hospital with the prisoner of zenda,
k800i, strawberry lollipop n mp3. how tragic can i be??
ohh yeah aiman good news!! your mother said we are going to pg tomorrow.my dad said
ohh thank god, at last i can go back to pg n get out of this place eventhough for a moment and spread my wings. i was of course happy and excited.thrilled like a small girl who gets to go to a candy shop or ice cream stand. its cool.
upon reaching pg, my mum put on the bestest drama ever. ok so she was sick, not well, wanting to vomit, nausea. its ok. im used to it. but not when im suppose to have fun, shop in pg, feel at least like oh god im back in pg and breathing the fresh air of pg and pretending as if im still living there.
so actually the plan was my mum got to go for some checkups. its ok. its normal. its as usual. so yeah for a moment she was ok, next uhh ohh. so was brought to the emergency ward. yaddy yaddy yaddy.no big deal. its normal. its ok. so hung out around there for about 3 hours plus. and i knew it was the end of it. its just a waste of time coming to pg. i'll just get stuck at the hospital again as usual.
so later on, after checking her up and all so it was like ok she's fine. but yeap we didn't go to gurney plaza to shop. to avoid more dramas. and i don't want to get f.o.c scolding from my dad especially im all emoed up. or we say my time. my time to explore. my time to get exposed to the outer world. my time to feel like im in pg. ohh fuck!!! isn't it enough that im stuck at a place called asspee. isn't it enough that im stuck at a school called i bra him. isn't it enough that i just don't get to go anywhere. like anywhere at all. at all?!? plus there's nothing here actually. actually. even the school. my god. my god. god isn't it enough. isn't it? thank you god for taking my happy time in gurney plaza n pg away. i dont appreciate it.
what is my fault? i can't go out with my friends. well at least i can go cycling with fitree. thank god. at least. but i can't go swimming. eventhough i can just grap my bag pack, take my bike, cycle to the clubhouse, get my swimming suit, SWIM!!! oh no of course you can't. u need someone to look at you. to supervise you. hellooooo.... even if i drown, get muscle cramp and drown and suffocate, it's not that you can jump down the pool and save me right dear mother?
i learned to swim for 2 and a half years. from an experienced life guard. he even thought me how to save people. isn't it enough. what's my fault? it's not my fault that i'm the only child, the only girl you have. i know you care for me. i know u love me. i love you too. but idk.
that's why it came to a point where im just to tired to care or to handle it. yeah people i have a heart of a stone. i'll just do whatever my parents wants me to do and get good grades so that i can still have the pc, internet, astro ( eventhough i dont watch it), k800i. if it's all gone, im officially dead. i am dead now but not fully and officially. its partly.
well, its no ones fault either. god wants things to suck. ok. fine. its not my mums fault to suddenly, happenly to fall sick while i was suppose to have fun. something that i learned is that if everything seems so fine, there must be something wrong later. seriously. but i believe yours is not that bad. so its no ones fault. im being over dramatic. ITS JUST IN MY MIND!!
and yeah thanks to someone who made my life worse. i hope you know that. and yes of course it's always my fault. everythings my fault right? as usual. i know it takes time to understand. but fuck why dont you try?! i will write a blog about it and the whole issue sometime later or anytime when i feel like bashing,trashing.
thanks for making me excited and happy eventhough it was for awhile.
( tan : now you know how interesting my day was today? )
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