It is all so alien to me

It is not about the struggle, or well whatever perhaps it is everything. It just seem to shoot my brain without me being able to avoid it.

What will I get in return ?

I am that stupid to actually fall for it and thought hey, it will be a good day and it will all be ok. Nopeee. Cannot even do that one damn thing right. So what am I suppose to say now?

When you scroll down your facebook updates and all you see is politics. What happen to cute babies, food, cats, crafts ?!? Sighhh.

I am not calling you a thief, just dont steal from me

Nothing comes for free, andd nothing is free. I paid, I paid much much more than I should have, but is this what I get ? Is this what I should be getting from what I gave, what I paid ? Is this how nature rolls or me being the stupid one still waiting by the dinner table, waiting to be served by a waiter who does not have well, some sense. He gave me the menu, I showed him one by one what I wanted, yet an hour, two has passed by, my food has not arrived yet, if at all it has, I got the wrong plate, and when I asked for my plate, I still got the wrong one. I appreciate you bringing me plate after plate but that is not what I ask for, and I expect that if I say it once, I must get it right. Maybe you should write it down with a pencil ?  And when I ask, after dozens of time for my plate, at last you gave me the right one, but I cant run away from the thought of you wasting my time and energy, I should have gotten up to get it by myself or walk away in the first place.

But apparently I am smart enough to see that I do have a choice, to be left hungry, or at least being served with a meal that does not satisfy my huge appetite, yes I know I have a hugeee one,  and let my money go to waste or I can walk away and go to a better place to satisfy myself.

But in the end, is it all for satisfaction ? What matters most then ? If right now, all I think is about my satisfaction, my wants, my appetite, then I think I am selfish. But I paid for it, I expect to get what I paid for. Or what should I be expecting for then ? What if I was served with a plate of salad, with a nice starter of mushroom soup and garlic bread with carrot juice but what I wanted was, well, dessert for dinner, chocolate lasagna  and death by chocolate. I know that is not healthy but it satisfies my taste.

Up till this day, I still wonder how on earth I could still gather all the good things to describe it and make myself go thru this. Up till this day, I still wonder. I hate salads.

I might take a drive down to memory lane

Someday