It was a distress call, you idiot !

Yes, i cant get what i have lost back then. I appreciate friends that i have back then.

“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much; my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude—for every single moment of my stupid, little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure; but don’t worry….you will someday.”
— Alan Ball, American Beauty: The Shooting Script

I sincerely wish I forgot about the occasion.

It is the same shit, same date, same month, just a different year. So why dont we wait for another year, right ? where I have actually been waiting for this moment ever since last year. No its ok. I loveee waiting. I shall wait till next year pulak. Oh what, wait for two years now ? fun. So I shall now sit at a corner of a room and tell myself as many times as I want that I actually do not care about this shit, aint gona give a shit about this thang coz you know what, I am done bothering. I think I have spent much of my time for this so I aint gona waste my time anymore. I am gona say to myself that it is not a big deal nor a big thing for me and  I am actually not looking forward for it, not a single bit of it ! cannot do anything about it. Guess what, neither can i. So I am not gona do anything about it. if you want it, you do it. I am done. It is so fun to build somebodys hope as high as the clouds and just tear them apart in a split second ! splendid ! i love it so much. Do it more. Try me like a dummy with no needs. And you sit there and pretend as if it does not mean a single shit to me.

I like water.

Make amends.

By being good ? I do not want to be anything now. Yooo i have needs too. I have wants too. I see no reason why I am not allowed to feel this way.