Sunday, January 1, 2012
I dislike my life and living being right now. Wont you help here ?
Yeah, what a good title to start for my first post on a windy, coldy morning of 2012.
What do I see in 2012 ? Nothing. I dare not expect a lot or anything at all or even say it cause expectations causes disappointments and unwanted frustrations. especially when it has even barely touched the wanted point.
Dreams ? Yes, we can all still dream. Dreams and imaginations are the thing that keeps our mind alive. I dream a lot. What sucks is its still all a dream. Hopes too.
I have to say, I dont really enjoy living by the means of " at least ". Why should i live by " at leasts" if I can get a bigger picture, where I can get much more than at least. but yeah, we all say, beggars cant be choosers.
And at least we try, we made an effort, we fought for it, we went against it. Show some appreciation !
2011 was crap. haha. ok not.
1. last year of school. there I learned yeah, I miss school. I really do, the people especially. I do wish we can go back to class, sit at the back together, talk about bras or about some weird guy or kutuk2 our classmates, haha. or just laugh over anything stupid like one of us spilling water on the floor and we accuse as peeing in class. or kutuk each other, pick, buli.eat together. share stories of our weekend. n the most is get to say " I will tell you at school tomorrow ". School was where I got my daily dose of meeting people, getting stupid jokes, getting knowledgeable facts including reading guys puberty part book haha, lots of human touch, loots of crap, thats where we get ice cream, talking and sharing your stories, thats where we act like assholes but still had values and things we still believe, we were bad kids but we were still good, top it we still do study, having good listeners around, good talkers, good motivator, good advisers, good food ? dang scallops and nuggets. hahah
2. last year being here. That isnt something easy. I never thought I would move again. And the packing and the shifting, seriously, I am just not up for it. Would u mind pushing my huge squishy butt all the time so then I can move forward easily ?
3. I took some certain path which I actually shouldnt have taken. I didnt know why I did it but I know, my actions, my responsibilities, I am ok with it. Did some things that I wished I didnt do. I wish I did much more for myself. I wish I said and stood up more just for the sake of myself. Yes, I have many regrets. But regrets shouldnt be pondered upon. I still have today, tomorrow and my future. And my hope is just that I learn from my mistakes and wrong turns and am not condemned to be repeating it again. So, just go out there and live your life. Yes, I think it is impossible to go thru a year where you have nothing to regret or wanting a time machine or to undo things, but at least dont make a collection of it where you can actually produce a best selling novel out of it.
4. I have been falling in and out. Sometimes I am in cloud nine. Sometimes I am at the lowest as I can be. Yes, I broke down a lot, be it alone or in front of someone, gave up countless times, threw things away, maybe said things I dont really mean to. But all in all, here I am, in a new year, I shall go on again.
5. I hope I was a good person to everyone despite being an asshole manyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy2 times. I try hard to please people, I hope I manage to pull that of. I hope I gave my best.
6. I have met some people. Made new friends. Got a boyfriend. Some whom I thought was cool but should be more careful. Some whom I would love to continue my journey with. Some whom I wish I can shoot them right at their head due to their ignorance and stupidity. Some whom I see wouldnt change themselves or love screwing their life up. Some whom I would like to say go and eff yourself and get a life. Some whom I dearly love and will remember them for as long as I want. I will miss having those buddies. Some who can just toy with my feelings and make me feel like I am the world the next minute. Some who made me feel appreciated, made me feel good, who was there by me and knocking some sense in my head.
7. One thing I would not want to change and trade are my parents and siblings and loved ones. And my cats obviously. Other elements in my life can be on sale haha.
Seriously, if I am happier and normal, I could and would have written a good piece for the new year. And talked like I have never talked before. But eff that, this is what is swimming in my mind. I dont mean to sound so depressed, but depressing thoughts are interesting, right ? haha. So, Happy New Year People ! May 2012 bring all the good things to you and make you a better person than you are now. Cheers.
What do I see in 2012 ? Nothing. I dare not expect a lot or anything at all or even say it cause expectations causes disappointments and unwanted frustrations. especially when it has even barely touched the wanted point.
Dreams ? Yes, we can all still dream. Dreams and imaginations are the thing that keeps our mind alive. I dream a lot. What sucks is its still all a dream. Hopes too.
I have to say, I dont really enjoy living by the means of " at least ". Why should i live by " at leasts" if I can get a bigger picture, where I can get much more than at least. but yeah, we all say, beggars cant be choosers.
And at least we try, we made an effort, we fought for it, we went against it. Show some appreciation !
2011 was crap. haha. ok not.
1. last year of school. there I learned yeah, I miss school. I really do, the people especially. I do wish we can go back to class, sit at the back together, talk about bras or about some weird guy or kutuk2 our classmates, haha. or just laugh over anything stupid like one of us spilling water on the floor and we accuse as peeing in class. or kutuk each other, pick, buli.eat together. share stories of our weekend. n the most is get to say " I will tell you at school tomorrow ". School was where I got my daily dose of meeting people, getting stupid jokes, getting knowledgeable facts including reading guys puberty part book haha, lots of human touch, loots of crap, thats where we get ice cream, talking and sharing your stories, thats where we act like assholes but still had values and things we still believe, we were bad kids but we were still good, top it we still do study, having good listeners around, good talkers, good motivator, good advisers, good food ? dang scallops and nuggets. hahah
2. last year being here. That isnt something easy. I never thought I would move again. And the packing and the shifting, seriously, I am just not up for it. Would u mind pushing my huge squishy butt all the time so then I can move forward easily ?
3. I took some certain path which I actually shouldnt have taken. I didnt know why I did it but I know, my actions, my responsibilities, I am ok with it. Did some things that I wished I didnt do. I wish I did much more for myself. I wish I said and stood up more just for the sake of myself. Yes, I have many regrets. But regrets shouldnt be pondered upon. I still have today, tomorrow and my future. And my hope is just that I learn from my mistakes and wrong turns and am not condemned to be repeating it again. So, just go out there and live your life. Yes, I think it is impossible to go thru a year where you have nothing to regret or wanting a time machine or to undo things, but at least dont make a collection of it where you can actually produce a best selling novel out of it.
4. I have been falling in and out. Sometimes I am in cloud nine. Sometimes I am at the lowest as I can be. Yes, I broke down a lot, be it alone or in front of someone, gave up countless times, threw things away, maybe said things I dont really mean to. But all in all, here I am, in a new year, I shall go on again.
5. I hope I was a good person to everyone despite being an asshole manyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy2 times. I try hard to please people, I hope I manage to pull that of. I hope I gave my best.
6. I have met some people. Made new friends. Got a boyfriend. Some whom I thought was cool but should be more careful. Some whom I would love to continue my journey with. Some whom I wish I can shoot them right at their head due to their ignorance and stupidity. Some whom I see wouldnt change themselves or love screwing their life up. Some whom I would like to say go and eff yourself and get a life. Some whom I dearly love and will remember them for as long as I want. I will miss having those buddies. Some who can just toy with my feelings and make me feel like I am the world the next minute. Some who made me feel appreciated, made me feel good, who was there by me and knocking some sense in my head.
7. One thing I would not want to change and trade are my parents and siblings and loved ones. And my cats obviously. Other elements in my life can be on sale haha.
Seriously, if I am happier and normal, I could and would have written a good piece for the new year. And talked like I have never talked before. But eff that, this is what is swimming in my mind. I dont mean to sound so depressed, but depressing thoughts are interesting, right ? haha. So, Happy New Year People ! May 2012 bring all the good things to you and make you a better person than you are now. Cheers.
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